marriage ceremonies and creating new families - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 06-06-2005, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
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I am getting married on July 2. We have been talking about Sept or Oct, but then we started planning this big camp out with both of our families for the weekend of the fourth of July, and decided we should just do it then.

It won't be any thing fancy, in fact if we can't get someone to come out to the lake to marry us I imagine we will just run into town and do it at the court house.

But I really want to know if you involved your children in some way (mine are still pretty young, 4 and 5) and I'd just like to hear about how you officially celebrated your new family, whether it involved a marriage cermony or not.

Tell me about your special day!
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#2 of 12 Old 06-07-2005, 11:44 AM
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First off, Congratulations!

When we got married (2 years this friday ) we really wanted to somehow involve the children. So, they were our "attendents". We had the boys wear the same tux as dh and the girls wear matching dresses. Even though we were married in our back yard and most people were wearing extremely casual, we went all out. The kids enjoyed it.

For the ceremony, after we exchanged our rings, we had the kids come up and join us at our "alter". They knew they were coming up but didnt know why. So, our "officiator" went on to explain to everyone that exchanging the rings symbolizes our commitment to each other. Then we pulled out rings (tied to ribbon to make a necklace) and placed them around the necks of all the kids and told them that it symbolized our commitment to them as a new family. The rings were made out of titanium (like ours) so we all had matching rings. We had the rings made in adult sizes so they could wear them when they got older.

Let me tell you, that got tears in everyones eyes!

Gotta go, toddler crawling all over me.....

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#3 of 12 Old 06-07-2005, 01:05 PM
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We incorporated a Family Medallion Ceremony for our wedding ceremony. Dh brought his 2 children into our family and I wanted to show them how I was committing myself to them and how they were also joining the marriage between their father and me. Our officiant was very open to it and actually did a number of FMC in the past. She helped us personalize it to our family and there wasn't a dry eye in the crowd when we performed the exchange of the medallions.

The children were 6 & 8 at the time and very much understood the purpose and meaning of the medallions. In fact, Corey, then 6, was very moved by the whole thing and still wears his medallion. Court on the other hand, is more girly and finds it more of a piece of jewelery and often rotates it with other 'necklaces' which is fine.

We have some great photos of the whole ceremony which are in our official wedding album.

Dh had never heard of such a ceremony before I researched it but was very impressed and appreciative that I wanted to include his children in our wedding

Rhianna momma to ds #1 - 13 & ds #2 - 4.5 & dd #3 almost 3!
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#4 of 12 Old 06-07-2005, 05:26 PM
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Congrats on your marriage!!!! It will be 4 years this August since we were married and my ds was 5 yo at the time. We all went to Kauai together and my ds walked me "down the aisle/beach". In our ceremony, we talked alot about becoming a family unit and my ds still says that it was the day that "WE" were married. My dh gave my ds a ring and said a new parent vow to him and then my ds released butterflies after the ceremony.



Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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#5 of 12 Old 06-08-2005, 08:53 PM
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Wow- this is a great thread! I like the "new parent" vows idea! I am in a serious relationship and I love getting ideas like this now!!
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#6 of 12 Old 06-08-2005, 11:46 PM
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We are getting married in May of next year. The kids are very involved in the plans for the wedding. My daughter will be my maid of honor, my oldest son will be walking me down the aisle and giving me away, my youngest son will be the ringbearer, and both my future step sons will be my fiance's best men.
We aren't just marrying each other, we are marrying two families, so it is only right that they play an important part in everything. We are writing our own vows, to include something about the families becoming one, and he and I will light our own small candles, and each of the kids will also have a candle, and together we will all light one big unity candle.
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#7 of 12 Old 06-09-2005, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
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Here are my rough plans (we meet the minister tomorrow so I need to have something). Our wedding is going to be very informal, I mean it is going to be in the middle of a 4 day long camp out. If the boys don't have mud on thier faces I'll be happy! Since we won't have wedding colors, or songs, or flowers or anything but the cermony, I really want it to be OURS.

There won't be a processional, we will just gather (rain or shine, actually a nice sprinkle would probably be better then 105 degrees).

I would like the greeting to be about joining two families, not just joining a man and woman. Something like "Today C. and M. will not only be united in marriage, but thier children L. and M. will be entering together to make this a brand new family together."

For the vows I was thinking we will write something for C. and I to say to each other just about the two of us and then have the minister ask all of us in turn a very simple vow like " Do you promise to love and honor _____?" C. and I would both say "I do" to it and each other and then C. and the boys would echange the same vow (probably together the boys could say "We do")

Then I think C. and I will exchange rings with a vow like " this is a symbol of my love ...." with a very similar vow as chuck and the boys exchange neclaces.

Finally I'd like "I pronounce you husband and wife and family. May I now present Mr. and Mrs. and thier family."
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#8 of 12 Old 06-09-2005, 01:23 PM
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Depending on how open your family is to multicultural ideas - you could have each child do something (e.g. one child lay out the broom for you to jump, two carry you in the chair - sorry I don't know the traditional name for the dance). You might also consider addressing them all at the picnic table toast!
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#9 of 12 Old 06-14-2005, 01:44 PM
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We did a 4 wick candle, and each of us lit one wick with a taper. THen we gave them necklaces, and DH and I said children's vows to them that our minister had. We promised to laugh with them, keep them safe, etc.

Oh, all this was right after the ring exchange, and before the blessing and pronouncement.
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#10 of 12 Old 06-21-2005, 12:56 PM
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My son (2 at the time) walked my down the aisle with my dad. Ds stood with us during the ceremony and we were pronounced "The B Family". It was a very small ceremony but there was talk of family during it. Also ds meet with our officiant with us so he could feel part of the wedding. Congrats on your wedding.
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#11 of 12 Old 07-10-2005, 03:34 AM
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Congratulations on your soon to be marriage!

It will be four years for dh and I in August also!

We did the medallion for my stepson (14 at the time) and our minister explained in French and English (he and dh are French) that it represented the three of us being joined as a family.
It was really touching and beautiful........lots of tears as well!

DSS is 18 now and still wore it until recently because he needs a new chain.

If I can find the link of where I got it I will post it.

I LOVE the idea of having rings made up for amazing is that?!
Did you do both a ring for now and an adult sized one for each child?
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#12 of 12 Old 07-10-2005, 08:19 PM
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On a related note, have any of you had stepkids that REFUSED to even *go* to the wedding?

I am getting married this Sunday the 17th to my SO whom I have been with for 5 years now. He and I have a 2.5 yr old son together. THEY (the kids) get along great for the most part (SS is 7.5).

I would rather have the SS not be there than to force him to go and have him act like a jerk, but I still feel kind of weird about it. We have him every other weekend, BTW, and I do NOT parent him -- I leave that up to his parents (BM is local, about 3 miles away).
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