Bedtime tonight... Huey decided that she was going to stall for as long as possible - again - and get what she wanted - to sleep in her parents' bed. So she started to use us against each other. Again!
DP started by being the "bad guy" in putting everyone down for the night. Huey started right away and fussed about how it should be her mom, not her dad, helping her get her pjs on. On and on and on she went and finally she came into the living room bawling and I started to talk to her. BF then yelled at her to go to bed, that's when I started trying to do some reasoning techniques to get her to go willingly to bed. He interupted me three times getting louder each time till she finally left the room bawling.
That started the other two caterwaulling in the bedroom. DP would quiet them down for a few minutes at a time and she'd start them all up again.
Eventually, she demanded that her glow-in-the-dark pound puppy get activated by her mom. DP said he'd ask her mom and GF was slow in getting up and around to doing it that by the time I started towards the bedroom, DP and I tag team parent to keep the frustration level between us down, she had already pestered and gotten her dad to do it for her!
That's when I caught her once again using us against each other. So I got down to her level and told her that she shouldn't have asked her father because she had asked DP to get her mother to do it and that I was very disapointed in her and that her behaviour was completely unnacceptable. I had to emphasize this several times. Without laying a finger on her, she started to bawl her eyes out. I also told her if she did it again - specifically with that stuffie of hers, she wasn't going to be allowed to have it to sleep with.
In the bedroom, once again, all three kids were caterwauling, so this time I went in. I said to them that I was very disapointed in all of them and addressed each one individually. Duey calmed down and I told him that I was proud of him. I tried to tuck him in but he made a fuss and I told him that it was fine and I wouldn't. I tucked Luey in and gave him a kiss goodnight. Meanwhile, Huey was louder still. I told all of them that the next person who was going to come in was going to be her father and it wasn't going to be pleasent. She got louder still. I restated that it was bedtime and that they all had to go to sleep.
That's when I told BF that it was his turn in there with them. I went into the living room and found a bombshell waiting for me.
GF told DP that "no parent likes being told how to parent." DUH. And it was discussed that we only parent our kids and they only parent their kids. UGH. Parenting techniques were discussed - except the "no spanking" thing because I'd also have to emphasize the "no yelling" as well. I suggested writting out a list of rules for the kids that should be followed "but the kids can't read yet." We can read and having a list would help us out as a group to parent all the kids.
One of the things I really don't like is waking up every morning to either GF yelling at the kids to shut up, opening my eyes and seeing one or the other of her kids staring at me first thing in the morning (especially Huey! that kid is unnerving first thing in the am!) or GF not bothering to get up at all because she has a "migraine." Excuse me, but even with a bad hip, IBS and headaches, I get my ass out of bed tears, pain and all to deal with all the kids without yelling at them and Webbigail is still very much an arm baby.
UGH. Its 11:35pm and Duey is screaming in that bedroom. He's woken Luey up and we've moved him to our bed. It took DP giving Duey to his dad who had to be woken up by DP to get them to take care of their poor injured child. (no, he didn't break a bone in his foot, but he did mangle his toenail yesterday)
Yes, they have been friends of ours for a while, but listening to them scream and yell at their children I know is damaging to ours even though there are times when we loose it as well. Thank god we still cosleep with Luey, cause that helps him sleep.
Oh yeah, about one of our suggestions... we were planning on doing the "parent in the room" thang where a parent sits in the room without making eye contact with any of them until they are asleep, moving further and further away each night until the parent is down the hall and in the living room (yet another supernanny trick). They don't want to do that and in fact kyeboshed the entire thing before I had a chance to explain it because they don't want to have to do it after we leave!
And we know that its BF that is going on about this too because both times he's been the parent who we have had to "interfere" with when it comes to parenting their child. After all, as DP says "the most important thing to any parent is their children" and I interefered with that bond twice tonight even though I had a good reason to.
What gets me is that this is a man who parents his kids for maybe a few hours a night after he gets home from work and that's it and he's the one who is demanding that the other three parents parent the kids the way he wants us to, not the way we have been since we came here if not for months now. UGH. See, we beleive in tag-team parenting. That if one parent is too frustrated with the kid(s), the other one should step in and take over while the first one takes a time out. It has worked for us for a long while in keeping us from wanting to throttle DS, nevermind other people's children. After all, people at jobs get breaks, why shouldn't people taking care of children?
At least now DS won't be spanked anymore by them if he misbehaves. That's a small victory.