"Nobody wants to be a stepmom" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 06-16-2005, 01:43 AM - Thread Starter
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Did you see this dr. phil? The woman had had an affair and got pregnant. She decided to keep the baby and raise it with her husband (he knew) and wanted the biofather to have no contact because she didn't want her baby to have a stepmom. Beside the fact that she really has no choice in this matter (it is his kid, too) she kept saying that she would rather have the baby not know its father than have a stepmom. She had friends that were stepmoms and it was just bad, she thought. I was irked. We don't necessarily prefer a lot of things, but we deal with them and make the best of it. I did want to be dss's stepmom, though. It was a packaged deal and I took it.
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#2 of 4 Old 06-17-2005, 12:15 PM
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Sounds to me like her friends are crappy stepmoms. I'll admit, when I was a little girl imagining 'happily-ever-after', it didn't include stepkids. But I wouldn't have married their father if I weren't ready to do it. Somedays it is completely thankless and draining, but I imagine being a bio-mom is as well. I totally agree about the package-deal thing.

Unfortunately, I've known women who don't want to accept and love the kids, but marry the dad anyway. What? Do you think the kids will just go away cuz you're in his life now? Really sad for the kids.

ETA: For me, the most frustrating aspect of being a stepmom is that biomom intentionally makes life difficult because she hates me and doesn't want the kids to like me - much less love me.
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#3 of 4 Old 06-17-2005, 01:02 PM
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that's silly. sounds to me like she was just looking for a rationalization for her desire to keep her child all to herself. just because her friends are bad stepmoms doesn't mean all stepmoms are bad! i'm sure she knows that deep down and is just using the "stepmom" angle as an excuse for her own over-possessiveness of her child.

i would LOVE to be a stepmom. i love having my own daughter, and if my life path leads me to a single mama who wants a stepmom for her kids, i'd love to have a blended family and help raise her kids right along with mine.

my mom was married to a guy who hated kids, so i never really accepted him as a stepdad, so i definitely know how much it can suck to have a step-parent who isn't into it. my first stepmom wasn't perfect by a long shot, but it was still better having her there during my adolescence than it would have been without her. my dad is remarried now and i love my stepmom, she's a friend of the family from way back.

i wish people would get over their crappy judgments about stepparents and blended families. i'm looking forward to being a stepmom someday!
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#4 of 4 Old 06-17-2005, 09:07 PM
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I love my stepmum. She's not the greatest in the world, but she's been there when I needed her which is what counts.

Whoever that woman was on Phil needs a dose of reality. Children deserve love no matter where its from - bio parent or other!
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