Letting your SO be - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 06-26-2005, 09:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I completely trust my boyfriend would not discipline my children anyway I would not approve of, but I have a really hard time stepping back and letting them work things out.

I also have a hard time listening to him complain about my children, when that is one of the things I really want from him. He usually does a great job of listening to me complain when the kids drive me crazy (without telling me I need to crack down on them or blister thier butts like so many people do if you complain about your children). But when he complains about something I take it so personally like he is attacking my parenting. Not just frustrated with taking care of 4 and 5 yo boys.

So how do you let them figure out their own relationships? Any tips or ideas?
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#2 of 4 Old 06-27-2005, 01:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Mallory
I also have a hard time listening to him complain about my children, when that is one of the things I really want from him. He usually does a great job of listening to me complain when the kids drive me crazy (without telling me I need to crack down on them or blister thier butts like so many people do if you complain about your children). But when he complains about something I take it so personally like he is attacking my parenting. Not just frustrated with taking care of 4 and 5 yo boys.

This is my SO completely. He takes everything I say about his son to heart, and honestly, I really believe that hinders our relationship.... I can't talk to him AT ALL about his son or our parenting together, cause he takes everything as me saying 'i don't like your kid', which is ridiculous IMO.... So, my MAIN piece of advice is to try to relax and understand that you complain about your kids, and if you expect your SO to be a parental figure, he needs to complain now and then too....

Otherwise, I'm not sure what to tell you. I also have a hard time relaxing while my SO disciplines my daughter, but it hasn't been that bad to just sit back and let them build their own relationship.... For me, the hard relationship ius between me and SO's son....

Good luck!
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#3 of 4 Old 06-27-2005, 09:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MomBirthmomStepmom
This is my SO completely. He takes everything I say about his son to heart, and honestly, I really believe that hinders our relationship.... I can't talk to him AT ALL about his son or our parenting together, cause he takes everything as me saying 'i don't like your kid', which is ridiculous IMO.... So, my MAIN piece of advice is to try to relax and understand that you complain about your kids, and if you expect your SO to be a parental figure, he needs to complain now and then too....

Otherwise, I'm not sure what to tell you. I also have a hard time relaxing while my SO disciplines my daughter, but it hasn't been that bad to just sit back and let them build their own relationship.... For me, the hard relationship ius between me and SO's son....

Good luck!
: literally word for word

nak

Consciously mothering 3 girls and 2 boys
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#4 of 4 Old 06-30-2005, 10:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree with you. It is one of the only problems in our relationship (and so many of the other irritations are related to this one thing- wanting to feel like we are more in this together, that they are OUR responsibility not mine, that I need to be responsible for all of our relationships, ect.)

I still am having a hard time stepping back.
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