I was happy when dd came along, because it gave me something to call fil. When I first met him, I used his name, but three years living in the same house and hearing dh always say "dad" I started to say it, but then felt guilty cuz I dont call my stepdad dad, and he's been with my mom 16 years. I was grown when he came along, but still, he's been more of a parent to me than anyone else every has (besides my grandfather who passed away years ago). I called my exes parents mom and dad and it made my mother furious. For eleven years, even after the divorce I called them this but it bothers dh, since they ARENT my il's anymore. Sigh.
Anyway, fil is now "pawpaw"and thats fine, but heres the confusion:
When my first ds was born, my mom called my stepfather "grandpa Jeff" to him, to differientiate him from??? Dunno as I made the decision before conception that my biofather would never know my children (he sexually abused me and my sister). But later, my stepdad said he wished we never added his name to the end so I tried to just call him grandpa. Then my stepsister and stepbrother had kids, and my stepdad is "pawpaw" to them. My ds calls my exfil "pawpaw" as well. Thats a lot of pawpaws running around. To differentiate, fil calls stepdad "pawpaw Jeff" to the kids, which I know he doesnt like. My mom says "papaw" for both, which is close.
ds1 alternately calls fil pawpaw and by his name, remember he has a pawpaw, but he calls stepdad grandpa, though all other grandkids are told pawpaw.
Then theres my mom, whom has always been "grammy" but fil says "grandma" so dd says "grandma" though all other grandkids say "grammy".
Ack! Im afraid my kids wont know who to call what or who anyone is talking about!! How do you handle this?
Oh, just to add to the confusion, I have a sister and a stepsister named Amy/Amie (same pronounciation). I cant even say "aunt amy" kids still say "which one"? So its "Astins mom" and "claytons mom". And of course everyone assumes dh is ds's father and ds has gotten tired of correcting people so he lets it stand, but that bugs my ex. Oh God, once ds called his dad by dh's name and his dad when ballistic. It was an honest mistake, like when he's at school all day then comes home and calls me by his teachers name, no big deal really.
Anyway, we have quite an extended blended family. Add to that dh's cousin who lives with us and I always want to call him a nephew or even ds. At least we all know who we are! (I think)