Join Date: Nov 2003
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Originally Posted by mammastar2
Well, I think coparenting in reality means that you each have your own turf, because, as you say, it's hard to 'step in' and assess what's going on in each other's houses and respond accordingly.
If she wants your input, that's fine - I wish we actually had good communication with my stepdaughters' demented mother. By all means bat around what might be going on for your dss, assuming the behaviour is what she says it is. Even input can be tricky though - I'm sure that, for example, the notion that he may be having trouble adjusting to time at mom's house would feel very differently if it was something mom came up with on her own, vs the stepmom presenting it as an insight, if you see what I mean - her defences may go up pretty quickly!
If you guys can agree on some consistent responses to 'bad behaviour' that could be good, but enforcing them on each other's behalf just seems fraught with difficulty. And if you can't come up with consistent responses, well, frequently coparenting just has to mean showing respect for the parameters the kid faces in the other house and leaving it at that.
Is she even wanting you to enforce something on your part, or 'fix' the situation? If so, she may not have thought through the consequences. I can think of plenty of situations when she probably wouldn't be so eager to have you 'fix' something going on in her home.
If you have a pretty open relationship with your stepson, I'd ask him open-ended questions about how time with his mom has been going, and maybe mention that she had said that it's going through a bit of a rough patch - see how he responds, and if working out some coping strategies with him might help. I'd just encourage him to work out his problems with his mom, though, not get in the middle.
Originally Posted by MomBirthmomStepmom
Perhaps the phrase I was looking for was 'take what she says with a grain of salt'?
Take care of things at your home, and let her learn to parent at her home.