Very irritated/perturbed at my mom's behavior - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-26-2005, 09:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know what to think. A little background. My mom is very opinionated about everything. Her father is even more so and her mom does everything by "how they should be done". Everything is done according to etiquite. Needless to say their household growing up was intense. My grandpa is racist. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. He is also slightly tyrannical. That being said my mom did not grow up without some influence on her.

This is where I think the problem is. My husband is half Chilean. His dad came here from Chile. My mom has never said anything rude or derrogatory about him but she goes out of her way (it seems that way to us) to make him feel uncomfortable. She has this weird habit of placing his dad in a social status as well (he owns his own business). She acts like he's an amazing person out of his race because he isn't the fields working for squat and supporting a family of 15. Very degrading behavior. DH and I can get over that though because we are adults and her tactics are very subtle. My issue is with DSS (I have not said anything about it to DH).

Everytime I mention him she acts like I am talking about someone else's dog in another country. Complete disinterest. I can understand not being enthusiastically gungho about him since she hasn't met him or anything but come on! I called her yesterday to ask about the crib she bought me. We are moving in a month and needed to know if the crib broke down to a twin so we could get a room set up for DSS so when he comes visits he has "his" space. She acted completely disgusted with me that I would even think of breaking down DD's crib to let DSS have a bed. Anytime we mention him she gets this look of disdain on her face.

I'm not sure where this is going. I'm just sick of her acting like this. I don't know if it's because she hasn't met him or because of her up bringing. She acts disgusted over things DD does as well. I don't know. Anyone else's parents not accept their stepkids? I know I am young and we don't have DSS but he is my DSS none the less, kwim?

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Old 07-26-2005, 11:43 PM
 
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HUG!

My mom is... well, a bit of a bitch. So hugs to you.

Ignore it, put her out of your life. Think about how much cheaper it is to buy a bed from Goodwill, or even build one yourself.

HUGS
amy
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Old 07-27-2005, 01:25 AM
 
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My mom wasnt accepting at first. I gave her some time to adjust but it just wasnt happening. So I told her to either treat ALL my kids the same or I'd cut her out of my and my kids life. When I didnt call her for a couple of weeks she knew I was serious.

So, she got better.

Hope it all works out for you.
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Old 07-27-2005, 01:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Shenjall
My mom wasnt accepting at first. I gave her some time to adjust but it just wasnt happening. So I told her to either treat ALL my kids the same or I'd cut her out of my and my kids life. When I didnt call her for a couple of weeks she knew I was serious.

So, she got better.
:

My situation was exactly like this. It still isn't perfect, but my mom is getting A LOT better!!!
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Old 07-27-2005, 08:44 PM
 
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Have you mentioned it to her? I couldn't handle ignoring that!! My mom is a stepmom,too, though so none of that here.
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Old 07-27-2005, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Flor
Have you mentioned it to her? I couldn't handle ignoring that!! My mom is a stepmom,too, though so none of that here.

She is too!!! To 4 boys who all have kids!!!! So it's not like she lacks in some step parenting/ step grandparenting.....she's a hag. I know that but crimeny! He's 4 and she acts like he has typhoid fever!

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Old 07-27-2005, 11:33 PM
 
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My mom was a step-child. Was not treated very nice especially now that her dad is gone they act like her and well.. all of us just don't exist. My husband has a son that I choose not to claim for very complicated personal reasons. My mother did not have any problem accepting him when he was around and even now will occasionally buy things to help DH out with him. We also have the racial issues. Thankfully, it was never a problem with the family that we communicate with. I always knew that if any of my family treated my kids differently just because they were brown and not pasty white I would make sure they never had contact with us again. My great-grandfather made some comments to my mom about my husband and the racial issue however he never treated him differently than any of my other boyfriends. He never treated my kids wrong. He loved them so much and he and dh got along really well. I'm sorry you have to go through this with your mother. I don't have much advice other than that.
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Old 07-28-2005, 03:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by OtherMother'n'Madre
She is too!!! To 4 boys who all have kids!!!! So it's not like she lacks in some step parenting/ step grandparenting.....she's a hag. I know that but crimeny! He's 4 and she acts like he has typhoid fever!
What??? That's crazy. How is she with her own stepkids? Do her issues have more to do with racism than step-ism (there isn't a cute siggy that means laugh at the last part of my question but be serious at the beginning).
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Old 07-28-2005, 03:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Flor
What??? That's crazy. How is she with her own stepkids? Do her issues have more to do with racism than step-ism (there isn't a cute siggy that means laugh at the last part of my question but be serious at the beginning).
nak
She treats them more like family than she ever did any of her biokids (I kid you not on that one) and is constantly bragging up their kids. That's why I wonder if it's a race thing. None of her step grandkids are mixed...all pasty white (I don't mean that in a bad way...I'm pasty white too! :LOL ). I'm tempted to ask her about it but I don't know if it's from a lack of knowing him. I've shown her pics and told her about our phone calls but I still get nothing. I so think it's a race thing though. She goes out of her way to make DH feel uncomfortable (by teasing him none the less!) and is condescending to his father and way of life. I'm glad we are moving.

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