bio dad trying in-vitro - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 08-12-2005, 06:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Brief history, I have shared custody with former spouse. He has had the kids a grand total of 21 overnights in the last 12 months. He is not that involved in his children's lives, he might make it to one soccer match, and has never made it to any school things. He is also about 4 months behind on childsupport.

I found out that he and his whorlett (4 kids, 4 different dads) are trying to have child together. The doc doing this is known to me because he helped conceive my little brother.

How immoral would it be if I sent the Doc a letter about this man's parenting?
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#2 of 14 Old 08-12-2005, 06:19 PM
 
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I think it is immoral to call his female interest his "whorelett..." I'm sure she is human!
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#3 of 14 Old 08-12-2005, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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she maybe human but without much humanity. They broke up two marriages to do what they are doing. All under the guise of being "good christians." after the birth of her fourth child, the state stepped in and recommended she have a tubal ligation.
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#4 of 14 Old 08-12-2005, 06:49 PM
 
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four kids by four different dads doesn't mean she is a whore or a bad mother. It means she has had sex with four different men and decided to keep the resulting babies.

I know you are angry at her and your ex - but belittling this women for sleeping with four different men is a reproach of female sexuality and a thousand such statements bandied about (as they are) is a way to police women's sexuality. Four partners isn't even that many.
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#5 of 14 Old 08-12-2005, 08:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, this woman is WONDERFUL mom who happened to have sex with and get pregnant by four different men, three of which are in prison. She met my former spouse while visiting one such a dad in jail, (he is a SGT.) That is not the point. Forgive me for insulting another woman. I know that four is not a high number at all.

The point is HE is trying to have another child when he can not be bothered to raise HIS own children. Does anyone see where that might cause issues?
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#6 of 14 Old 08-12-2005, 09:02 PM
 
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I completely understand your rage. I really, really loathe men who start second families when they're already failing to parent the first set of kids they are responsible for. I also think women spend a lot of time raging about each other and thus letting the vile slimy P.O.S. dishonest immoral MAN off the hook, but it's really easy to for me to have that perspective since I have not been betrayed in this way.

I don't think there's much you can do to stop it. It sounds like the woman your ex is with now has a history of not picking great father figures. I feel very sorry for her children. I hope that you will find (or maybe have already found?) a father figure for your own kids who can help repair the damage that their biodad's immaturity and selfishness has caused.

Marriages fail. But there's absolutely no excuse for failing as a parent. What a pathetic excuse for a man, you are well rid of him.
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#7 of 14 Old 08-12-2005, 11:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny
Forgive me for insulting another woman.
I'm not objecting to you insulting another woman, I'm objecting to you insulting another woman for having sex with four men and keeping the babies.

Besides, this isn't about her, this is about the person who broke up your marriage - your dh. Unfortunatly, there isn't much (or anything) you can do to make him be a better father. That he would choose to father more when he isn't fathering the one he has is very sad. Perhaps he will be better with the new one. You just have to love your kids and try to let go of the anger. Anger is always impotent.

good luck
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#8 of 14 Old 08-12-2005, 11:49 PM
 
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Biomom did this. (kinda)

You say 21 overnights in 12 months as if that's a low number!!! Dss's biomom has had a GRAND TOTAL of 6 overnights in the past 12 months, well, more than 12 months actually.... She also pays $40 per month, of the $340 she's supposed to pay. She doesn't parent, yet became pregnant last summer, and is now raising that baby. (and in her defense, hoenstly, doing quite well at that!)

It just sickens me that she forgets my dss, but has another new baby, and that baby's the light of her life! Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that because of her lack of parenting, I can be a parental figure to dss, but come on!!! My dss deserves BETTER!!!

I don't agree with the way you insulted this woman, but I don't judge you either. It's anger, and it probably came out the wrong way.... Be mad at HIM, he's the deadbeat, don't worry about what she's doing etc....

Anyway, I feel for you, but nothing you can do really. It's not up to you to write to the DR, that's somewhat immature in my mind, and quite condecsending.

Just take care of your child the best you know how, and let biodad make his own mistakes. In the end, you'll be able to say you took the high road.
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#9 of 14 Old 08-13-2005, 03:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamawanabe
I'm not objecting to you insulting another woman, I'm objecting to you insulting another woman for having sex with four men and keeping the babies.
Yes, but what kind of woman has four different kids with four different men, all in about 6.5 years and has the state pay for it? :

Now,I will admit to being a tramp in my life. (good times) but I was NEVER stupid enough to have unprotected sex when I could not afford to bring the children into the world.
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#10 of 14 Old 08-13-2005, 12:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny
Yes, but what kind of woman has four different kids with four different men, all in about 6.5 years and has the state pay for it? :

Now,I will admit to being a tramp in my life. (good times) but I was NEVER stupid enough to have unprotected sex when I could not afford to bring the children into the world.

Why does the different dads part matter in this equation? Wouldn't she be just as stupid if she had four kids that she couldn't afford with the same man in 6.5 years. If this was just about her her being too dumb to use a condom to prevent pregnancy, then you wouldn't be emphasizing the different men part. You are because it is a way to condemn her for being too sexual (though the facts of the matter - that she had sex with four different men without using protection and then decided not to abort/adopt the resulting babies makes her pretty "normal," just very unlucky - most of the peopel i know were haphazard at best about protection in college, and three people i knew ended up with babies they kept) - a condemnation that has "power" because our society still "polices" female sexuality.

But, really, non of this matters because she is not the problem. The problem isn't even that your dh wants another baby. The problem is that your dh isn't being a good father to your son. I am so sorry. There isn't anything you cna do except try to let fgo of your anger so it doesn't interfere with YOU being the best mom you cna be.

Good luck!
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#11 of 14 Old 08-14-2005, 10:31 PM
 
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looking on the bright side, maybe the new baby will help him see the error of his ways and become a better parent?

This is what happened to my ex. Once he had a child with his current wife, he really stepped up.

Sadly though, it didnt work for my dh's ex. Her new baby only made her forget about her other kids that she wasnt being responsible for.

BTW, your dr friend told you this because ? - it seems like a huge breach of confidentiality to me :
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#12 of 14 Old 08-15-2005, 11:12 AM
 
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hey boobybunny, I know EXCATLY where you are coming from. I have to deal with a women like that also. This is two of my SD'S bio-mom. She has had 9 kids with 6-7 dirrerent men. She has had I believe 6 taken away by the state because of severe abuse and neglect and gave the rest up for adoption (not to willingly though) She actually has worked as a prostitute so "whorelett" would be a good descriptor for her.
Now history is repeating itself, but I am going to start a new thread for that drama.

DH DS 1996 DS 2000 We are the Mods! We are the Mods! We are, we are, we are the Mods!
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#13 of 14 Old 08-15-2005, 02:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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the doc told me nothing, infact i have not had contact with him since the baby was born.

A friend of a friend has a big mouth, the kids just confirmed it.
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#14 of 14 Old 08-15-2005, 02:20 PM
 
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ah, I misunderstood. My apologies.
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