any one else have no contact with bio dads? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 08-16-2005, 09:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My twin girls turned 8 in June. I got to thinking about their biological other half and if he would come back this year. It has been 5 years since we last heard from him. My husband is afraid that one day we will have to send them to this other mans house and my husband will cease to be the main daddy figure in their life. My daughters know about the other man, they know they don't have the same genetics as their daddy. We didn't want to be caught off guard if he ever came back, or have them being shocked with the truth in years.

My ex is so distant that he didn't show up at court for the support hearing, he doesn't pay support and goes as far as to lie to the enforcement officers when they call him, when he is forced to talk that is.

I never know if he will be talked into coming back by his family.
though. It has happened in the past, they talk him into coming back and then he gets bored and leaves again, not before he walks in a says "I am your DADDY" though.

My husband and I try to have a normal life, we get suprise checks the government has garnished from time to time. I am always scared when I get an "UNKNOWN CALLLER' on my call display, but that is our life I guess.

Anyone else like us?
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#2 of 5 Old 08-17-2005, 04:11 AM
 
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Not like you but my sweet Kip has been my children's father for longer than their bio was.
Bio "works" too much to see the kids, age 8.5 and 6.5 on anything more than a sporatic basis. He sweeps in, takes them to Disneyland, or Montana, then will not see them for another 2-3 months. That and he is 12 grand behind in childsupport. He tells me that "if I did not demand so much in childsupport, he would not have to work so much overtime." : The state sets the childsupport jack arse! :
To make matters really bad, I can not put my foot down as he is in law enforcement. He can and has had me arrested if I did not do things his way. (all charges dropped, but not until he got the house, car and I had to fight for the kids, all so he would not have to pay)

So yeah, I feel for your hubby, and you. You live with the constant worry that bio wil sweep in and reek havic on your happy home, only to disapear until convenient for him to be a daddy. (like when showing off for his side of the family) Smile, the girls will know the difference. They will know the love of day to day, and realize that bio is full of it.

Mine did, all on their own. Never talk badly about bio, but never cover for him. that is my motto.
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#3 of 5 Old 08-17-2005, 03:15 PM
 
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My 10yo has never met her bio-dad. She calls my dh daddy. Thankfully, I don't think I will ever have to worry that bio-dad will decide that he wants anything to do with her and even if he did, he'd have one hell of a time finding us because he doesn't know my last name and he probably doesn't know her full name (including what her last name is because it's not his and it's not what my maiden name was). It's sad, because we were together for over a year when I got pregnant. He left because I wouldn't marry him, but marrying him would have made our (mine and my dd's) life a disaster. She's really better off not knowing him. If she ever wants to find him, though, I can easilly find him for her. I've kept his SS# handy for that purpose.
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#4 of 5 Old 08-17-2005, 03:20 PM
 
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biodad split on me and ds when i was maybe 3 months pregnant. ds is 19 months and we havent heard from him since. we werent "together" when i got pg, and like 2 weeks after i got pg ( i still didnt know i was pg) i started dating my now dh, so things have worked out very well. it is my biggest fear that this guy will show up out of the blue some day and demand to be part of ds' life.

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#5 of 5 Old 08-17-2005, 04:32 PM
 
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We also have no contact with dd's biodad.

We moved out here in October 2004. He had no interest in contact, and is dying to sign over his parental rights.

He has contacted me once. A few months ago, when I filed about child support, and he was LIVID. He contacted on the internet messenger though (not even a phone call!), and was asking why on earth he should have to pay child support, if he didn't even want to be her father anymore. He wants to know how quickly he can sign over rights.

He contacted me that once, and never even asked about her.

I have regular contact with his mother though (whom he lives with). We talk at least once a week, I'd even call us close friends. I send her photos, cards, gifts and letters at least once per month. We love her, and she will always be our family. I'm even planning to pay for her to come spend a weekend out here with us soon.

But biodad, wants nothing to do with dd. Dd doesn't seem to remember him, however we keep photos of him, and ask her about it from time to time. We always want her to know she can talk about him if she wants etc.

It's been nearly a year for us, so still quite new.
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