Staying neutral in the midst of blended family BS! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 1 Old 08-18-2005, 03:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DH's EX I have posted about a little before, has caused a lot of problems. She just will not leave things alone, and is continually stirring things up, undermining DH, practically stalking us, and putting the kids in the middle.

We try to stay neutral, but sometimes its impossible, then we try to address it in a mature way with no name-calling, stick to the point, but lately its getting harder to do it.

She never bothered to see DSS 15 who has lived with his grandparents but now (since he called her a loser) is trying to get back in his good books by doing things like letting him drive her car on a very busy highway with no driver permit or insurance. She stole prescription meds from DSD 18 in her apartment when DSD was recovering from a MC, and is addicted to them - one reason she was declared an unfit mother. It goes on and on.

Unfortunately DSS 12 was kicked out from his grandparents and went to live with his mother (she is in contempt of court for many reasons but still gets Child Support because he is with her even though he is not meant to be and DH would have to go back to court separately to do anything about it.)

DSS 12 is really on a bad track though, he is in his 4th school in a year as she keeps moving, being evicted, losing jobs. Hopefully he is in a better place but was running wild, left alone all the time, playing truant, vandalizing things, and he has no respect for his mother, (or many people) but a really unhealthy relationship. She lets him do whatever he wants, and will undermine my DH trying to help him learn to be responsible. DSS is very confused and angry, and she makes him feel guilty a lot. She had him on 3 ADHD meds including Dexamphetamine, a sleeping pill and Zoloft, and we took him to a specialist who said he does not think its ADHD, but even if it was this combo of pills was not good, he is off for now since he was staying at his grand-parents but moved when they tried to tell his mother he was getting seriously out of control and help her with him. Anyhow the good thing is they took him off the meds and he has been with us a month and has been doing great (except when he has seen her comes back angry and confused again) he goes back next week though.

Its really heart-breaking and we will probably end up having to try and get custody through an attorney, though the grand-parents who had legal custody were going to try and have her agree to us taking her. In fact the 3 older kids have tried to talk to her about him coming to live with us too.

I think I am just frustrated with what to do, she is so horribly vindictive and bitter, that DH has not done much. We are moving and building a house but after that if things do not improve he is going to try and get custody. The thing is in the State he can choose at 13. DH is not very pro-active either.

Anyhow think I am just venting and feel stuck as to what to do, he said earlier in the summer he really wanted to come and live with us, went home to BM and then was really upset and guilty and said he didn't now, then he said when you move and I come to live with you the other day, like he really wants to but can't. It would not be a nice custody suit and thats the main reason DH has not done that yet, plus we have only been married 2 years and he did not think he could manage him before he worked very long hours and felt he was better with his mother - well originally with the grand-parents where he is supposed to be - who are actually BM's mother and step-father. They did not want him there and let him know that though they wanted his brother to stay (who is doing great but upset now because this week everything came to a head with the game-playing and DH and I tried to talk to him about it, as did his sister who is 18. I think he will be ok though and DH is going to talk to him again. But DSS 12 is the major concern right now. Seems whatever we do it backfires. Anyhow sorry for the vent needed to let it out somewhere and any suggestions welcome! We really try and stay as neutral as possible, but she makes it so hard to do that.

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