My ex is driving me crazy! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 08-31-2005, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
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I know, I know, join the club, right? :LOL

The man is obsessed with my ds hair. Yep, his hair. His hair is too long. It looks like a girls hair style. Over xmas he took him and cut his hair without mine or ds permission. Actually, against ds and mine wishes. He's 11 and his hair isnt long. It looks like every other teen boy or rock musician or skate boarder out there. He keeps it very clean and brushes it constantly. So whats the problem? My ex doesnt like it. Apparently peoples appearances can only be acceptable to my ex. But he's so generous, he told me I dont have to cut it exactly like his, but close to it. (his is cut like marine short)Gee thanks. He's become quite religious after marrying so I tried, "well, Jesus had long hair". But he just talks in circles. Its wrong. Why? Because it is. Why? Boys should have short hair. Why? Because they should.

I've told him as the primary parent I have the final say. (after an hour of explaining our reasoning and listening to his) So, he threatened to take me to court. Nice huh?

He's soooo controling! How did I live with someone like that? Why does he focus on such teensy things? It wouldnt kill him to let ds grow his hair long, but ds would be devastated (again) to have his head shaved.

Theres more. He wants to dye his hair. We have set a house rule no dyeing hair until 16. And then at that time, you can pick whatever you want - red, blue, pink whatever. But he says, no way. Only what he approves of. Why?
Why? Why Why?

Talking to him is no use. You cant reason with him at all. If you dont agree he just hangs up. And I've tried all my former customer service mgt skills. :LOL

Thanks for letting me vent.
How do you all deal with ex's and differing parenting?
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#2 of 3 Old 09-02-2005, 10:14 AM
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As silly as it sounds, if you are the primary, and your child does not wish to have his hair cut, get a court order.

Your ex sounds like he has issues with power and control. (so does mine) I had to go back and state who does what in our custody decree. Silly, but when you are dealing with a newly born again, power freak I had to take it to the court. My former spouse is law enforcement, every time we disagreed about something, he would threaten me with jail if I did not do what he wanted. I finally got that on tape, and took him to court. Now, I have sole custody, and if he were to do something that is not within his "parental rights" (like a haircut, ear piercing, hair dye, taking or rather NOT taking the children to the Dr) he is in contempt of court and it costs him in his wallet.

I had to do this, but not all relationships are this evil. Try going to couples counseling, or " child couseling." I wish that had worked for us, as I hate having to get the authorities involved.
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#3 of 3 Old 09-02-2005, 12:08 PM - Thread Starter
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thanks for the reply.

I'd hate to go to court as we are almost finished paying off our lawyer from being in court with dh ex for 3 years. I'm so sick of it all.

But I do like your idea of counsilling. As DH and I are already in a parent support group (for kids with behavioural probs - said ds has O.D.D) and we are starting family therapy this fall, I'm thinking of trying to get my ex to go too.

I'm sorry to hear what you've gone thru. I cant image what life would be like if my ex were in law enforment. Its bad enough he comes from a family of lawyers!
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