dss gets favored treatment and i'm starting to go crazy!
the dss i am talking about is #5 in dh's family with his first wife. he's 12 and dh feels like he is in a battle to win him over so he ignores behavior in him that he would never tolerate in any of the other kids (even his). #1 and #3 live with us full time and are wonderful young men, #2 got kicked out of the house for drugs and now lives with mom. #4 and #5 are supposed to be 50- 50 , but #4 is the only girl and has chosen to stay with her mom. the courts and the police have done nothing to enforce the 50-50 order. dh loves his kids and really wants to protect them from the toxic envirnment at their moms'. he feels the best way to do this is to get dss to choose to live with him. to faccilitate this choice he is doing everything to make life easy and pleasant for dss. he is very passionate about "saving" this kid from the horrible fate that he thinks lies in store for him if he stays with his mom. i can see that his moms house is full of yelling and very superficial, looks and brand names, image means everything. i knew this whole situation up front, i was told by dh that if i had a problem with it, or ever made life difficult for dss our relationship would not work. i knew going into it, but i was ok with it then, for one reason due to the fact that dss was sooo well behaved.
lately he has gotten cheeky and very into image, and i'm venting here since i can't to dh. here are some examples of things that have been said that NO ONE else in the house would get away with.
i'm working on ds age 6 talking lower in public. while waiting for the table i tell him that i'll give him thums up or down while he's talking to remind him. dss says "thats silly- its like school or something" i say "well i used to be a teacher" dss says "but we're not at school people will look at us funny", i say "we may not be at school, but i am teaching" and then dropped it.
later that night i put the baby in a back wrap for the first time and asked dh how i looked. he didn't hear me but dss did and said "ugly" he later asked if we had to carry the baby that way- the insinuation was that he was embarassed.
i understand why dh lets dss get away with this- in his mind a little snottiness is better than a life of drugs and yelling. and dss is not that bad of a kid- but my feelings are starting to be hurt. i genuinly care about dss- i do alot for him- does he realize how mean he is being? i can't tell him- dh would flip. dh says if it continues he'll talk to him, but it's always little things that add up- so i haven't told him. am i being too sensitive? i really want dss to grow up to a healthy adult and caring so much for appearances and belittling people is not healthy!
ok vent done- it does help to get it off my chest!