Vent; my ex (sorry, long...) - Mothering Forums
Blended and Step Family Parenting > Vent; my ex (sorry, long...)
flapjack's Avatar flapjack 10:16 AM 09-07-2005
OK. Last week, I was calm. I had come to terms with myself and I no longer hated my former husband, the father of my existing children.
Okay,he's paid a grand total of £1350 in child support over the course of the 4 years we've been split, and not a penny since February. He sees his children once or twice a year, if that (2005 is a good year- two whole weekends. In 2004 he saw them for 6 hours.) and has no idea of what makes them tick- so, for instance, he bought his youngest child a Joe 90 DVD box set for his birthday and a board game (when Isaac hates board games because he doesn't like losing) It is, frankly, one long WTF? Oh, and he forgot to ring Isaac to say Happy Birthday as well- for 5 whole days. :
So, this charming gentleman made the decision that his new family (lovely lass, single mama, deserves a heck of a lot better. She doesn't AP, but her head is pretty firmly screwed on) should spend their summer holiday 9 miles from us at a caravan park. They asked if the boys could come and stay for a night. I said yep, that's fine- if you want, they can even stay for the whole week. He said- well, only if you send spending money. Apparently her daughter routinely spends £10 a night on coke and kiddie fruit machines and things like that when they're on holiday, and they wanted the boys to do the same. I chose not to hear this, and so the suggestion of the whole week was dropped.
They came back 8am yesterday morning, when school started at 9. Not breakfasted, but clean and showered- except Isaac's hair is stuck flat to his head with something (I think, shampoo.) Normally they're poo-free, because they hate having their hair washed and it's so short anyhow. Isaac was obviously struggling for breath (asthma), Alex has an alarming red mark on his thigh and they're both having their first eczema break-out in 4 or more years (shower gel, perhaps?). Oh, and Isaac is having horrible, griping tummy aches because he was fed fish and chips two nights running, and even one portion of fried food upsets his tummy- but he didn't feel able to say this and his daddy either forgot or ignored. All of this is really small stuff, but together it's really annoying. Oh, and he left their waterproofs behind and gave us a stolen towelling poncho instead- so great, after they get drenched at least we'll be able to dry them off. Just what I always wanted.
AND, then, while they were hanging around at 8am on the first day of the school term, because they wanted to walk the boys to school with me (Why? I dunno...) they drop the bombshell that they're planning another baby. Or two, because the age gap between her daughter and a new baby is so big. : Am I being unreasonable in thinking that a man who is putting so little effort into his relationship with the kids he has should NOT be planning on having another?
Grrr. That's all, just grrr.
Thanks for getting this far.

DreamsInDigital's Avatar DreamsInDigital 12:38 PM 09-07-2005
Oh Helen. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now.
boobybunny's Avatar boobybunny 02:45 AM 09-10-2005
You could be writing my story, right down to a boy named Isaac.

hugs, love your children and ignore him.
flapjack's Avatar flapjack 05:01 AM 09-10-2005
Thanks It's so much easier to ignore him when I don't have to see him, though- but at least, in 9 hours time that's it for a whole other year, unless a miracle happens.