Help me understand this relationship - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 09-11-2005, 08:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello...
I am a mom to a 13 year old son and a 14 year old step daughter. Sounds great doesn't it...and for the most part it is. Here is the problem, my husband and my son don't see eye to eye...my son is the typical teenager with the "know it all attitude" and the smart remarks...other than that he is a great kid and hasn't given us any problems...(knock on wood)...my husband can be very cranky and stern...at times the rules differ with his daughter and my son...it has bothered me so much that we have had many a heated discussion about it...he has admitted that he doesn't have the feelings for my son that I was hoping he would...he doesn't love him but likes him but not always...I can see both sides but he only sees one side and that is his side...my heart is breaking as I so wanted to find someone that would of loved my son because he was a part of me...but we have been together since my son was in grade 1 and he is now in grade 8...nothing has changed really worse for that matter...
I hope what I am trying to say makes sense...I just need someone to talk to about this...
Thank you for listening...
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#2 of 7 Old 09-11-2005, 09:46 AM
 
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hay moma. You have really put yourself in a difficult situation.. It's a battle dealing with teens/preteens when there yours let alone when there your spouses. I have a few issues with my step daughter but that's a whole other thread. I was raised in a house hold with a step dad since I was 2yrs old. He did show favorites with my youngest brother because that was his biological son. Now with my older bros. We had difficult time, a lot of resenting went on in the house But my step dad always showed us love It's not easy. You have to take a step bk and see the real reasons your having problems. I don't see how you can raise your son in the household for 8 yrs and he not love him at all. I can see him not liking him at times. Sometimes I don't like my kids. But there's always love goin on. I see my step daughter every other weekend and I love her and care for her. I have been around her for 8 yrs also. It's hard for the longest time my husband would do everything for her spend ton's of money on her, lack of discipline and virtually let her walk all over him. When I would bring it up he would get mad and brush me off. Latter I found out and understood that he was trying to make up for the loss of time and not seeing every day. It's hard and it sounds like you have given it a lot of thought. I wish you tons of luck.
lots of love
crissy
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#3 of 7 Old 09-11-2005, 02:00 PM
 
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There is a whole bio/evo thing with men raising another man's son. I STRONGLY urge you to get your family into therapy.

My husband has been raising "my two plus ours" he will freely admit that there is a difference since our son was born 11 months ago, but he gives great effort to ensure that the kids are treated equally. He tells the older two (6&8) that he chose to be their daddy because they are wonderful kids.
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#4 of 7 Old 09-12-2005, 01:38 PM
 
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#5 of 7 Old 09-12-2005, 07:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boobybunny
There is a whole bio/evo thing with men raising another man's son. I STRONGLY urge you to get your family into therapy.

My husband has been raising "my two plus ours" he will freely admit that there is a difference since our son was born 11 months ago, but he gives great effort to ensure that the kids are treated equally. He tells the older two (6&8) that he chose to be their daddy because they are wonderful kids.

I agree with this totally. My dh has been the only daddy my son has known, but there was that whole "my seed" thing and we had to work through a bunch of issues. We now have 3 more children together and after 7 years I can say that my dh and son have a great relationship and that I believe and feel that my dh loves my son the same as the other kids.

Sabrina , mom to 4 fab kids!

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#6 of 7 Old 09-13-2005, 12:08 AM
 
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I'm sorry you are going through this. Blended familes can be so challenging.

I do think your DH had a point, in that feelings of love cannot be forced. But that said, equal treatment of the children should be a given. They didn't ask for this arrangement and the least the adults can do is treat them the same and not play favorites.

If you have talked about it several times and he isn't budging, see if he will go to counseling. If he won't, you should go alone. It really can help.
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#7 of 7 Old 09-13-2005, 05:18 AM
 
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Im sorry your going through this. for you mama.
Theraphy is really a good idea.
Hope thing will be better for you and your family.
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