So the ex and I have been separated since December 04 and divorced since July 05. It's a long story, but I was basically involved with a friend long before I left the ex physically. He knew and that part is not the issue here. What I am struggling with is his (ex) lack of a relationship with the kids. Before we split for good we talked about how the kids would keep a relationship with him. How hurt we both were as kids when our fathers essentially abandoned us as kids after divorce. And honestly, I never in a million years thought he was the kind of guy to abandon his kids. But he has. In the last ten months I have had to pull teeth to get him to see the kids. He has seen them but a handful of times and has frequently been late with no call or a no show all together (including two long weekends they were planning long in advance). He lives with his mom and she says she is as upset about this as me. At first she defended him saying he needed to get his life in order. And I did not begrudge him that. I know after 10 years of marriage he needed time to set up a life of his own, but really this is ridiculous. He is 7 years older than me and for a 34 yo man, I feel like he is acting like a child. Through this time he has said that he did not like the child arrangement we had put in the divorce/separation agreement. While he and I DID IT TOGETHER, I figured OK, let's find something he likes better. He has come up with four different plans and not one has made it past the first week. I knew it was a control issue, but I felt like it would be better to let him think he is manipulating/controlling me if it meant the kiddos got to see him. But I have hit the end of the road. After all of the long talk about
"being there for the kids" and jumping through hoops to please him, I am done. He is in FL (we live in MA) on "business" for the last 2 wks. He missed his daughters 7th b-day and has refused to return the 3 year olds TWENTY some odd calls over the last FIVE DAYS. I don't know if anyone has any advice to give, but if you have btdt I could sure use knowing. Maybe then I will feel less alone.
Oh BTW. . . I do have an awesome SO who is wonderful with the kids. But a huge issue is that his DD is close to me youngest DDs age and when she is here my DD starts the whole "I want MY DADDY!!" thing. It is hard for the 3 yo the most. Thought the boys (9 and 8) have been making noise about their issues too. They have asked why daddy wants to be with his friends more than them and why he does not love them anymore. I am at a loss of what to say to them anymore. It breaks my heart. So I guess my kiddos are lucky to lucky to have SO, but I feel so guilty that I chose to have them with such a crappy biodad. Can anyone relate?
Oh and the kicker here . . . the last time I talked to the ex he was "unclear" if he even wanted the kids in his life or if moving on was "better". How do I handle that!??!
If you followed my ramble this far, thank you.
"being there for the kids" and jumping through hoops to please him, I am done. He is in FL (we live in MA) on "business" for the last 2 wks. He missed his daughters 7th b-day and has refused to return the 3 year olds TWENTY some odd calls over the last FIVE DAYS. I don't know if anyone has any advice to give, but if you have btdt I could sure use knowing. Maybe then I will feel less alone.
Oh BTW. . . I do have an awesome SO who is wonderful with the kids. But a huge issue is that his DD is close to me youngest DDs age and when she is here my DD starts the whole "I want MY DADDY!!" thing. It is hard for the 3 yo the most. Thought the boys (9 and 8) have been making noise about their issues too. They have asked why daddy wants to be with his friends more than them and why he does not love them anymore. I am at a loss of what to say to them anymore. It breaks my heart. So I guess my kiddos are lucky to lucky to have SO, but I feel so guilty that I chose to have them with such a crappy biodad. Can anyone relate?
Oh and the kicker here . . . the last time I talked to the ex he was "unclear" if he even wanted the kids in his life or if moving on was "better". How do I handle that!??!
If you followed my ramble this far, thank you.