Moving with fiance, and my kids' dad says adios - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 10-06-2005, 12:44 AM - Thread Starter
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My fiance and I are moving several hundred miles away come this time next year with our kids. We offerred to financially help my ex-DH move down with us, so he can stay near his kids. Ex-DH has a low paying job he hasn't had that long, has few close friends (his best friend actually lives close to where fiance and I will be moving to), and an emotionally distant family. He's not especially attached to this area. He has no compelling reason to stay, but a compelling reason to leave (his kids!).

Staying in this area is not an option for me. The winters are too hard on my health, and my fiance and I are going to be opening a business down south. Plus, my fiance's other children, and family live near where we'll be moving.

I'm just bothered that ex-DH just doesn't care about being close to his kids. He doesn't have money to visit the kids after we move. He's just turned into such a deadbeat... it's breaking my heart seeing how upsetting it is to our oldest daughter. I knew he was lazy, but when we were together I never imagined he'd treat our children like this! Our oldest daughter told me tonight she doesn't want to visit her dad anymore because he doesn't show any interest in her life, and he doesn't take care of her or her things properly. She's SEVEN.

Is there anybody else whos kids' dad is MIA or a deadbeat? How do you deal? How do you support your kids through them making their own decisions without crying or keep yourself from joining in when your kids start talking about how bad daddy treats them? And, would it be inappropriate if the kids eventually call my fiance "dad"? He will be the only real father figure they'll know.

I'm just so upset about this. How can somebody be so heartless especially when it comes to their own flesh and blood children?!
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#2 of 4 Old 10-06-2005, 04:48 AM
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for you mama. Sorry I don't have on how to deal on your situation.
IMO there is nothing wrong if your kids will call your fiance "dad".
Good luck...
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#3 of 4 Old 10-06-2005, 10:43 AM
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My ex has sure surprised me, at how little he has visited.

He was such a good dad, changed lots of diapers, put toddlers to sleep, took them places, played with them, ect.

Since I left in Oct 03, he has seen them for 3 weekends, about once a year.

He shows up, buys them lots of junk toys, and figures he is done for the year.

I don't think I'll ever understand.

My boys call the ex Papa and my new husband Dad, is there another name that your fiance would be okay with? How upset will your ex be if there is another dad? I don't think it really matters if your fiance and your kids both want to use dad, but if there is going to be a major blow up from your ex, I might find an alternative.
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#4 of 4 Old 10-17-2005, 07:29 PM
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I didn't see this post sooner, or I would've replied before now.

Last year DD and I moved 3000 miles from ex-h to be with SO and be near his family. Ex-h decided at that point since I was the one 'taking her away from him', that he would like to terminate parental rights... Nice, huh?

He has not called, or written or ANYthing for the last year, and has no interest in it at any point in the future. He's waiting to terminate his rights.

Luckily, my DD is young, and even when we lived with him, he showed little interest in her, so she really hasn't had a hard time with it. She now has a man who's daddy to her (SO), and is happier here than she ever was with ex-h in her life.

I'm sorry this is happening to you and your children, but it's kinda sad that this man doesn't have his priorities straight...
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