Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near water, with a refreshing rain
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I am so sorry that this is happening to you. It's not fair to your kids at all. My kid's father has chosen not to be a part of their lives. For a while, I would call him, have my older daughter talk to him..but he was never regular unless I made him and he never called regularly. In the end, I told him that if he wanted to be a part of his children's lives, then he needed to have a regular routine set up. In situations like this, consitency(sp?) really is best.
Children are most secure when they know that to expect, and when they know they can trust and depend on their caregivers. When they can't depend on them, it creates a sense of anxiety and distrust. For awhile, I saw this in my older daughter every time she saw her biodad(I am engaged to a man who has taken my kids as his own..my younger daughter doesn't know her bio dad by my older one knew him so that's why I only refer to one of my daughters). After a lot of discussion and decision making, I told my ex that he needed to be consistent or he needed to back off because it was having a terrible effect on her. He chose to back off. It was his decision, but overall my daughter is better of because she has two parents she can trust and depend on, but the damage was done, and she is still getting over anxiety and trust issues.
I would do some serious thinking, and talk it over with you children. Try to put yourself in their shoes and really listen to what they are feeling. Overall you know what's best for you family. I know it's especially hard when it's a biological parent that's the flaky(I guess that's the right word?) one. I know what a hard decision it is to make but your children deserve to feel safe and loved. I still wrestle whether what I did was the right choice, but overall I think it was the right choice for my family.
I hope things work out for you, and remember trust you instincts. Your love for your precious children will guide you to the right decision.
Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)