being clingy now that biomom has less time for him - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-17-2005, 02:39 PM - Thread Starter
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Now, this isn't a HUGE deal, so please noone think I am thinking it is... I do know this is something that is disrupting our lives, and is frustrating ALL of us (SO included), so how can we talk about this, or help this at all.

I posted a couple weeks ago about biomom's new job, and how now she's got less time for dss, and doesn't even try to make it up on her days off. She's also not calling him when she says she will, and even on her days off won't call, and is nowhere to be found (dss calls and calls and gets no answer).

Since then he's been obviously more sensitive, crying over everything and anything. He was like this before when she spent little time with him, but once we put the schedule in place, he was fine. He had more confidance and was happier. Now, he's back to being insecure and miserable, constantly.

Another thing, is that he's now sitting ontop of SO ALL the time. We have a LARGE couch, but no matter what he sits ON SO, and it's starting to frustrate SO. SO likes to have some space now and then, and dss isn't giving it to him. Dss also squirms alot, and is constantly knocking SO in, well areas that hurt SO and SO out of frustration will kinda snap 'will you get off me please???' at dss when this happens..

Yesterday, I was on the computer in the bedroom, and DD was playing alone with her dollhouse, and after about 20 mins SO comes into the room where I am (with dss following him, to which he has to tell dss to go in the other room for a few minutes), and SO frustrated says to me 'everyone's up my ass today!!'... I say 'what?', and explain how DD and I were nowhere NEAR him, not even in the same room as him, and he admits it's dss that's getting on his nerves, how dss follows him to the bathroom and it's getting on his nerves alot. How he can't even sit down without dss ontop of him literally and how dss is making it so that DD and I can't even sit near him (SO that is).

HE doesn't want to say anything to dss, cause he doesn't want dss thinking he doesn't want him around either, but quite honestly, it's rough having SO so frustrated with this, and well, I'd like to be able to sit near him sometimes too...

How can we help to reassure dss? Should we try talking to biomom about how this is affecting him? Or should we just try working around this ourselves?
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#2 of 3 Old 10-17-2005, 04:29 PM
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Just keep saying to yourselves "this too shall pass." At 9 (did I get his age right?) he's old enough for you to have the chat about personal space, but it sounds like at the moment things are all up in the air for him and he needs a little more physical contact. My two go through it, and at the moment (new baby landing soon) it's pretty unbearable, tbh, because they're both so insecure. The normal cause is their father refusing to be a dad.
I hope things work out- I know it's a difficult situation for you to be in because you're not one of the major decision makers, but honestly, I think time will go a long way towards resolving this.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#3 of 3 Old 10-17-2005, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you so much, for basically just validating my feelings on this.

It's annoying, and it frustrates SO, but I do understand why this is happening, and that he's very insecure right now... I don't want to make things worse for him, but sometimes it can be rough when you're ready to pull your own hair out!

Thanks for the reply!!
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