to you hun!
It's the worse situation when you feel helpless.
But reality is, you have done all that you can.
It's kind of like the senario when you are in a cage
(trapped, isolated) looking on the outside from within behind
the bars. But the irony is, you have the key to unlock the cage.
All you have to do is let yourself out and use the key. It's call the
power of choice. Everyone has it. Clearly he has a choice, he can contiune
to live, and feel, and act the way he has. Or NOT to. NO one is forcing him, YES malipulating him, yes influencing him, yes controlling him but not forcing him. In the end of all of our decisions, we have some responsiblity as to how a person is treating us. We can accept it or reject it. I will tell you, though my mom was like that. Making me feel guilty all the time, and isolating myself from everyone and everything I even enjoyed at certain times. Until I made the decision to get out, and move out. I was able to see the world in a more clear view. Also you have to understand, this life that he has, is the ONLY life he has never known. Showing him differently would be next to impossible if he doesn't recieve it. It's like someone who has been hit repeatedly across the face, for "defending her side, or fighting back in an argument". Well in a "normal relationship" you would sit down and discuss things..right? Well, if that is what that woman has known, she may be prone to just turn her face, and look the other way avoiding all eye contact in fear of being hit...again. It's like the repetition of what went on in past history plays in her mind as to what is expected to happen in present times. It's a vicious cycle. But there is freedom, but he has to want that freedom. He needs to stop taking responsibly for things that ARENT his to take on. He is a kid, and more or less he has taken on the role of cargiver, provider, and probably to the point of being a husband (shouldering all the responsiblity of what a husband would do as far as providng emotional, finanical, etc etc support). You can't help but get lost in all of what is around you. You feel like you are a non-existance form. You are there, but you aren't. You numb the pain, you deattach yourself and you don't allow yourself to "express and feel emotions." You cut yourself off from every part of life, because the life that you are guarding, protecting, serving, and taking responsiblity for is sucking the life right out of you. You take on a form of that person. I only wish there was something that could be done, maybe you need to go to a higher power. Contact Child Protection Services, obtain a lawyer, and yes maybe you need to pull hiim away from his mom. Get him into counselling and into recovery. You wouldn't allow a child to drink poision would you? Even if he thinks its ok, and it won't kill him? Because soon her hold will kill him, she will squeeze too tight and completely suffiocate him. Sending him over the edge, would not be a difficult task at the moment with his mind set. This is nothing sort of a VERY TOXIC and DANGEROUS relationship with his mother. And you guys need to protect him, even if he cannot protect himself.
I hope this helps, hugs to your family and you.
I can relate, I can feel and I hope for the best.
Keep us informed.
Sincerely with all my love, Kate