Raising kids together or seprately? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#31 of 33 Old 12-21-2005, 07:05 PM
ms65442's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Petaluma, CA
Posts: 72
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Originally Posted by MomBirthmomStepmom
It's like NO MATTER WHAT I SAY, SO has this way of taking it as the worst possible meaning EVER, and it hurts so badly. It's as though he thinks I'm an evil person with no chance of ever being caring or sincere.

We do still have this problem on occasion, but it is getting better and better. One day at a time really.
Ah, there's the rub - how to put it so he doesnt' take it defensively.

At this point, ya'll have probably disucssed it so much that anything you bring up on the topic will be filtered through his "defensive" ear, regardless of how you word it.

And you say things have been improving - I'm really, really glad to hear that.

Perhaps, at this point, you could just "cool it" on the issue. Make no mention of it. Basically, give him time to let his defensive guard down.

In the meantime, if something happens that leaves you feeling slighted as a partner in parenting DSS, maybe you can just hold the thought that it isn't about DH rejecting you as a parent to DSS, it isn't about DH not appreciating all you do for the family as a whole - but is rather about his own feelings of inadequacy (sp) and/or wanting and feeling the need to "prove" he's a good dad.

Maybe after some time of not having this be *THE* issue, the biggie, the one ya'll are always talking about, he'll be able to hear you a without the defensive filters when you say something like, "Oh - I didn't realize we had to do snacks for DSS's soccer this afternoon! How can we keep on the same page with this stuff? I'd hate for DSS to think *we* forgot."

Using "we" puts you guys in a "team" position and might be more well received, and while you darn well know *you* didn't forget, it lets DH save his dignity.

ms65442 is offline  
Sponsored Links
#32 of 33 Old 12-21-2005, 07:40 PM - Thread Starter
MomBirthmomStepmom's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Location: southern CA/inland empire
Posts: 1,860
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Things are definitley better for us, the issue right now is in-laws...lol Mine, to be exact. Sooooo, yeah, that's the new issue! lol
MomBirthmomStepmom is offline  
#33 of 33 Old 01-04-2006, 11:00 PM
Jilian's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 12,040
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for this thread. I am on the other side of things, I am having trouble letting my DP really parent my DS. A lot of the points made in this post hit home with me. Thanks for helping me to think through the issues I was dealing with.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
Jilian is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 12,541

20 members and 12,521 guests
Allmh , anacrish , babydoulajo , BirthFree , Deborah , Heydarling , heydarling1 , JElaineB , katelove , Midwestmom2009 , pgu2017 , RollerCoasterMama , sarrahlnorris , scaramouche131 , shantimama , Skippy918 , Springshowers , sren , thefragile7393
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.