I haven't posted on this board in a couple months but I'm feeling the need to get something off my chest and be heard by my fellow SMs.
scenario: DSS has been living with me & dh full time since Feb 2004. His mom lives many states away and hasn't seen him much although she recently remarried and has come back in our lives to claim her spot as his mother.
Anyway, I'm a SAHM. DSS is home with me full time with the exception of a couple hours of preschool each week. Also home with me, is our infant dd and my (now our) dd who is 6.
I'm getting tired of when DH jumps in when I'm trying to discipline and says "You'd never do that with K (6)" which immediately disconnects us, angers me and ultimately leads to a squabble between us, which obviously the kids sense since he jumps in in front of them. Very true that some things I would never do with my dd (6) and that is because she is 6 and much easier on my stress levels. I mean she's older, knows the rules, knows when I mean "business" and she's very independent. Now, my dss is very whiny, weepy and just downright unhappy 50% of his waking hours for obvious reasons...1) he's three 2) he's had a rough life with his mom abandoning him etc. The thing is I have certain expectations of my children/our children. I follow the 123 Magic book and well when 3 comes and he's still sticking his tongue out at me, whining, whimpering, throwing stuff, not helping to clean up his toys, not apologizing for hitting his sister, etc, he goes to time out. I'm not hitting him. I'm not emotionally abusing him. I'm just being a mom and setting boundaries. When needed, I use this method with my dd but with a longer time out. It might seem like I'm more rough with dss but that is because he's much harder to care for (naturally since he's three and a half) and he's home with me alot more than dd since she is in school.
What the heck can I do to get DH off my back. He is constantly putting a wedge in our relationship. He is very much a pushover with both kids. I'm more of the gentle disciplinarian whereas DH says something and then follows it with some pet name aka "No whining.....Silly!"
: No effective in the least. The particular scenario was that I tried to distract my dss from whining (loudly)...I offered him a job to help me peel carrots. I offered him toys in the playroom. I asked if he wanted something to eat or drink. I got a poopy-face for each distraction and he kept whining...so I started counting...got to three and told him he needed to go with me to his room until he was ready to join us again. that's my DH jumped down my throat. Honestly, I would have done this with any of my children. Sometimes, I just don't have the patience to sit there and listen to whining after I've tried to help them come out of it.