The following is a post my husband made on another website. I thought I would post it here to see if we can get double the advice.
I have soooo much information accumulated over the last two years. I am having a hard time picking out what is the most important to least important. I have only two hours alone with this evaluator tomorrow morning. I speak slowly and sometimes forget things. With that in mind...here are some topics. Please help me pick which to go with and which to let go or hold off incase he brings it up?
1. Domestic violence - I have police reports, emails, declarations, restraining orders (mine and her current husband's) supporting my claim of the history of mom's domestic violence.
2. Mom never received any counseling regarding domestic violence even though she was ordered to in 11-02.
3. Discussing court and mediation issues with the children - mom discussed her version of what was said in court and mediation with the children in detail. She even read details of my response to the children then became angry with them for discussing the domestic violence in her home.
4. Alienating me from decisions concerning school - Mom helped our son pick out classes without discussing with me. She also blamed me for her choosing one class over the other because one had traveling. She told our son that I was unreliable. She keeps certificates, grades, teacher’s notes, etc from me. She only provides them to me when I find out about them & ask for them. I provide them to her immediately.
Mom also refused to discuss concerns I had regarding our son's education with me. She claimed what happens in her home she will worry about and same for me. She claimed she spoke to the teachers regularly. I have emails from the teachers stating they have never spoken to her and they share my concerns 100%.
5. Glorifying our daughter's illnesses - At least twice in as many years, mom gave samples of the wrong and very strong medication to our daughter. She admitted this to the mediator. She also took our daughter to the emergency room, called everyone in our family, etc. when our daughter just had a low grade fever. The hospital records state (I received a copy at my request to the hospital) that the parents could have brought the fever down with Tylenol and our daughter should not have been taken to an emergency room.
6. Mom continues to claim she is dying of Leukemia. Claims she's been receiving chemo and radiation for 8 years. When ordered by the court to turn over proof, she claimed she didn't have any records because St. Judes was sponsoring her. She also claimed she had no contact number because they called her when it was time for her to go an appt. She also couldn't prove prescriptions for strong mediations she was taking for pain. This is significant to me only because she tells the children that when they are bad it makes her Leukemia worse.
7. Mom was pregnant with another man's child when she married me. I didn't find out she was pregnant until two months after we married. She gave birth 4 months after we married. I told her I couldn't raise another man's child and I would have to ask for a divorce. She apparently couldn't get the other guy to stay with her so she chose to give the child up for adoption and convinced me to stay with her. I was 21 at the time and a bit selfish, I guess. She got pregnant with our child 2 months after the birth of the child she gave up.
Mom had at least two abortions when the men she got pregnant by were going to demand paternity tests or dumped her because of her domestic violence. I have medical records that prove the abortions and those men's declarations.
Mom convinced me our second child was mine even though I did the math and could swear she was conceived during a time we weren't sexually active. She waited until our child was 7 years old to tell me if I didn't do what she wanted she would take our daughter from me because she wasn't my biological child and she knew all along whom the natural father was.
Mom had her last child from her current husband at least 2 weeks early by c-section so that she could recover in time to take a planned trip to visit a friend out of state a couple of months later. Had she let the child be born at it's normal due date, it could have messed up her plans. She then left the child with relatives while she took this 2 week trip. I have concerns about these children only because it shows her maternal instinct is not as she claims.
8 Mom socializes with young people on a regular basis - Mom has a 17 year old friend that was fired from coaching our daughter's cheer class because she was drinking alcohol with younger children at a cheer camp that mom attended. Mom then allowed that girl baby-sit our children and drink alcohol.
She also pushes our 12 year old son into having a "girlfriend". She invites this girl to her home every week that our son is at her home. She permits them to be alone in her son's room. She sets them up to go out on "dates" often dropping them off at shopping centers or movies and picking them up several hours later. I say this because it's not a normal behavior for a mom in her late 30's. Also, at 12 children do begin experimenting and it's as if mom is all for it.
9. She has a history of financial manipulation. She is in trouble for welfare fraud. Didn't tell her current husband that she is receiving c/s from me. There is an arrest warrant out for her in another state for numerous bounced checks totaling into the thousands of dollars. I have statements from several men that she bilked them for thousands of dollars within weeks of meeting her. They say she claimed to be a single mom with no financial support from me and was dying of Leukemia. The children were always present when she told these lies.
10. She's a habitual liar. I have numerous contradicting emails showing her lies. I have a declaration from a police officer stating that an email she wrote about him was a lie and she refused a direct order from him to stay away from me and my home.
11. She becomes overwhelmed in situations when things don't go her way.
12. She tends to glorify her past to impress others, often in front of t he children teaching them it's okay to lie. She told one person that she taught cheer for 17 years. She told another she has a 4 year business degree. She told a new station that she was a registered nurse. All lies. She's only been to college for two months and dropped out as soon as she received her first grant check.
13. She degrades my choice in a wife, my decisions as a father, etc. to the children every time things don't go her way. She causes the children to worry about which parent they should obey. She causes the children to lie to me so they don't get her in trouble.
14. Her husband is an alcoholic and continues to drink alcohol in front of the children even though there is a current order prohibiting any alcohol blood level over .08 beginning 24 hours prior to contact with the children.
15. Mom refuses to share the children with me during her time even though I have met every request, except for one, that she has made in the last 3 years to have the children during my custodial time. Mom did make one agreement with me to switch days in Sept., but took the agreement back in a fit of rage because I had asked her to stop sending me messages through our children and expect them to bring a message back to her from me. She is unpredictable and unreliable.
16. Mom's continued hatred for my wife. I have samples of emails and hand written letters from mom dating as far back as 2001. One even has a statement, "I will not be civil to your wife and your wife doesn't have to be civil to me." I have several that state, "Your wife does not have my permission to be alone with the children, this is my choice."
There are some more issues, but I think I hit the key issues.
As you can see, there are too many to mention in a 2 hour interview. Especially when most of that interview could be answering questions he might have that have nothing to do with these issues.
Please help me pick out the ones I should mention and the ones I should put in writing to submit to him and the ones I shouldn't even bring up because they may make me look petty.