The situation is, again, my ex. We've been apart for 4 years, divorced for 3, he lives 300 miles away with his new partner and a soon-to-be-stepdaughter. Over the space of the last 4 years, he has seen the children less than a dozen times, child support has been sporadic due to almost continual unemployment (and the convenient loophole in the child support regulations which say that if you or your partner have children and are claiming jobseekers benefits, you don't have to pay CSA) but he's maintained the tradition of a weekly phone call right in the middle of Sunday teatime.
The problem is Alex has realised that it doesn't have to be that way. He started tentatively talking in the spring about wishing he saw more of his daddy, and we role-played ways of talking to daddy about this: so when he saw them in September, he could raise the subject if he still wanted to. I don't know what happened on that occasion, but Alex now doesn't want to talk to his father on the phone, though his father brought him back on that day saying "Alex has talked to me. I will fix this. I've promised him, I will be there for him more."
He broke a promise to my son and I want to kill him. I haven't, yet, but I really really want to.
- So what can I do? Ignore it, move on and allow the hurt to my children to continue?
Stop the phone calls.
If I applied for a residency order, it would have an additional benefit in that it would give my new husband parental responsibility for the boys: which would mean that if Isaac's admitted to hospital after the new baby is born (he's asthmatic, and has severe attacks) then Steve could stay with him overnight. As things stand at the minute, either Isaac would be in hospital by himself or baby would be on bottles, because they won't let a step-parent stay and they won't let a co-sleeping, nursing sibling stay with mummy either.
He's currently working, so we can apply for CSA again. When he got this newest job, we said we wouldn't if he started seeing the boys again: Sunday made it very clear that this won't be happening this side of Christmas. You hear of people going "waargh! Well, if I have to pay for them, I might as well see them"- I wondered if that might manipulate him into action.
Or, of course, I could just shut up and put up with it, but I really don't want to. I don't know if it's the result of a week of prodromal labour or what, but my mama bear is feeling quite thoroughly awake at the minute.
Be brutal. WWYD??