vent - child support (long) - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-01-2005, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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(sorry this turned out so long!!)

I'm not really looking for advice, I know we've been doing our part, and there isn't much more we can do, but an ear would be nice right now!!

As most already know, SO and I have full custody of dss (age 9), during the summer we all got together and figured out a more stable schedule for biomom to see dss (including every other weekend's etc). The schedule comes out to her having him 12 days out of the month. (2 weekends, Fri-Sun, and a few off days throughout the week, from 3pm-8pm)

Her court ordered child support is $340 a month, but she's never paid that much. When she works it's $200 a month, and when she doesn't, it's between $40-80 a month.

Well, a month or so ago she got a job. She had to start cutting down her time with dss, would pick him up at school and drop him right off here, so would see him 5 mins instead of 5 hours etc...

So, we give her time, knowing that you don't get your first paycheck right away, and last week, figured she'd give $100. Well, she gives us $40.

SO was ANGRY... VERY ANGRY over this...

He calms down and calls her the next day, she tells him that *SHE* decided that since she now has him more, and on weekends, she will be paying less because she needs the money to feed him.

UMMMMMMMMM, she needs $260 to feed him 12 or less days a month, but we only need $80 for the rest?!?!?! (alright, so it would more likely be her keeping $120 a month, but STILL!!!)

Now I need to add, she thinks this is all about food and feeding him. Well, we pay for ALL of his clothing, ALL of his entertainment, ALL health costs, ALL school costs, ALL after-school activities... We pay for the birthday party, and she either attends ours, or never even has her own for him... We pay EVERYTHING else!!

We don't mind, this is OUR child and we gladly do it, but it's frustrating that she thinks she shouldn't *have to* pay the COURT ORDERED child support because she now sees him 12 days a month... UNFRICKINREAL!!!

Anyway, SO calls her the next day to talk about it some more, and she tells him that her and her boyfriend talked it over and decided they could give us $30 extra.. *rolls eyes* His halloween costume cost that much... Seriously...

I'm just not sure I understand her thinking... How much does she think it costs to raise a kid?? Surely not $80 a month, right?? Or even $200 a month.... BAH!!

Can anyone else relate??

(I MUST also admit, she's better than my ex, who won't pay a single dime for DD. Even when we lived together, I had to BORROW money for groceries, which btw, he'd eat too... I had to pay it all back though )
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Old 11-01-2005, 05:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Should've added, SO has already started the process to have her wages garnished... After what happened this weekend, he just wants her to be responsible for their child.

We talked and said we'd have NO PROBLEMS cutting out one third of the court ordered support, since she has him approx 1/3 of the month, but that we'd also want her to help with clothing, school costs etc... She wants nothing to do with that (probably cause she knows it's not cheap), so he's wanting to do the court thing again *sighs*
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Old 11-01-2005, 07:35 PM
 
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ack I'm sorry, Mom. I know child support issues oh too well. You already know it comes down to fact: she has to be finacially responsible for the child she brought into the world, even if you were a millionaire. Its about accountability.

DSS is lucky to have parents who are aware of the reality of the situation and willing to fight for HIS rights (such as child support).

But Iknow how frustrating and maddening it is. You jsut want her to do the right thing and stop being so petty. Vent away. I'm listening.
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Old 11-01-2005, 09:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the reply! When SO called her the first time about it, you could tell he was getting frustrated and he was telling her several times 'this is to feed YOUR SON', and she just didn't seem to get it one bit...

She makes sure her new baby is all taken care of and fed and all, but when it comes to my dss, it's like she has no interest in being responsible at all...
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Old 11-01-2005, 09:27 PM
 
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BTDT

(my ex went so far as to ask me to give HIM money when he took ds an extra 3 days. that he asked for. when he lived with his mom. she paid for everything. and he was working f/t. um...bite me.)

Good job on the wage garnish. It sucks it has to go that far, but this is your ds right.

I'm listening too.
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Old 11-01-2005, 09:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It just stinks... Things seemed to be going well for so long! She was seeing him more, calling when she said, showing up at school things when she said she would, giving what she could when she could (financially), and when she wasn't working etc, we understood and NEVER made a big deal about it.

Just really sucks that this is all starting up now... It seemed to be going so smoothly...
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Old 11-02-2005, 12:28 AM
 
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I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this. I'm glad you both decided to take a stance against it though, its just not fair to any of you guys, ya know. I hope it all works out for you guys! And yeah, go head and vent mama!! ((HUGS)) too!
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