FI Ex is at it againe - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 11-09-2005, 04:43 AM - Thread Starter
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Ok i need to vent out big time . This is more of a vent but will take any advises we can get.

Background on all this :

Ross has two older children that live with his Ex girlfriend M. When she found out he was see someone ells she went off the deep end.

1. She claimed she did not what strange woman in and out of the children life
2. Use being to gathers was unhealthy for the children and could case them problems.
3. She has tried to make him pick me or the children.
4. he abused her when they were to gathers
5. says Z is now having Dream that Ross is hurting her. She also clamed that Z dose not like me and is scared of me. This is after Z has stated in the present of all of use she like me.

None of this is new for him because she has claimed a lot of shite before. But now it getting to a point it getting me really worried.

Back in September she claimed his son said that Ross touched him in the wrong ways. Now to day we had two case worker from CPS come to or home to tell him that both L and Z are tell them that he touched them. He has to go see a therapist to have a sexual predert easement test done to see what danger he is to his own children. Then after that he can only see the children throw a program call kids first. However he will not be able to do that until after the first of the year and i start working some.

She has been letting the children go over to her mothers house were her step father lives. She claimed her step father abused her when she was younger. She say the children are never left alone with him Ya right they stayed there when she went to San Francisco to deal with her fathers passing.

I have the filling the only reason she is doing all this is because I am Due in a few weeks and she is going to try and have my daughter take away from use. I have been so stressed out to day that i have been sick and not able to sleep. Now I have to worried about this on top of all the other things a new mother worries about.
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#2 of 7 Old 11-09-2005, 02:22 PM
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I am sorry that you are going through all of this.
Usually when children are involved it can turn ugly and sometimes
deadly (toxic). Sounds like MIsty has alot of issues to deal with in
regards to realizing the relationship is over. The long term affects of
how the children are dealing with all of this - concerns me greatly. Basically
the only suggestions that I have is obtain a lawyer. That is your safeguard. I know they do not specifically get involved with CPS but I do know that you can find them very valuable about what your "rights" are and what CPS can do an what they cannot do. As far as the "reports" that have been made. Anything that screams," sexual molesation." That comes with a heavy price. If you have a strong support system as far as doctors, family members, friends (you are going to NEED them to verify his innocence). Remember you are innocent until PROVEN guilty. Those children will have to endure physical examinations, and therapists' evaulations. Inorder to get the full story, and if they have. The question remains: WHO? As far as your baby being taken away. I know that CPS aren't in the habit of taking children away unnecessarily. They need vital evidence that there is an intention to cause harm. And if he comes up as that kind of person, you need to look after yourself and your child. The best advice, record everything that your Step-children say. Record it, document it, time it, date it, write it on paper exactly what they have spoken, who was the one that spoke it, who was present when it happened. That is the BEST EVIDENCE that you can gather. As far as custosy goes, I didn't hear anyone having "FULL CUSTOSY." Or even partial. You can have meditation, your bf/so/hub can go and discuss issues with someone else present with her. But really its out of your hands. You need to turn this over to the legal side and get a lawyer for your step-children's protection and your boyfirned's. So she doesn't have the reighs, and decides when to pull and when not to. Keep us posted, good luck!
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#3 of 7 Old 11-09-2005, 03:06 PM
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I went through the same thing. My husband's ex had dozens of men in and out of the kid's lives. When he met me (his only relationship after their divorce) she went through the roof. It was her & the kids or me. He chose a restraining order against her, 50% custody, and me. She then refused to agree to the children being alone with me, yet she left them with every T.D.H. in her apartment complex so she could go party. She went as far as to say my husband and I (we were living together at that time) shouldn't sleep in the same bed when the kids are there because it makes them uncomforable. The courts didn't agree with her and she hasn't been able to have anything she has demanded so far.

Now that we are married, she continues to try to come between us, but now she's using my stepson. He's 12 and doesn't want to do his school work. He's using the advantage that mom hates me to keep from doing his work at her home.

Good luck. Let's hope your situation has a better outcome than mine has.

Whatever you do, try not to respond to the children or in front of them when they tell you mom said this or that. They will just go back and tell her and it will go back and forth. I've had that problem in the past. It's ugly.
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#4 of 7 Old 11-10-2005, 01:51 AM
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I can only give general advice here, but:
1) If I were you, I'd go back and edit your above post to limit your stepchildrens, and her, names. The internet is a very small place and it's very easy to stalk someone else (my ex has done it.) Don't give her ammunition.
2) Lawyers, lawyers, lawyers. It sounds like there's no legal framework in place atm: hit her with a custody application, and document everything.
3) Do not let CPS into your home without a warrant after your own baby is born.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#5 of 7 Old 11-10-2005, 09:47 AM
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If ex feels "something" is going on in your home, and you know it's not, then have your husband mention to her that you all would like to go to therapy and see what is going on. If S.S. is claiming this...something is going on whether it all stems from ex or not. If your husband mentions he is going to make an appt for everyone to attend about it...and she knows it's not really true, I'm sure she'll back off. And what FlapJack said...lawyers! Claiming false reports against someone is illegal. Especially to that nature! And also, dont' let anyone in the house without a warrent!! Just make sure she knows if she calls CPS, they will investigate her too!
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#6 of 7 Old 11-10-2005, 09:55 AM - Thread Starter
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LoveLaughLife : she has full custody he was able to vist throw a childrens program. She hit use with the custody papper right befor xmas last year when Ross was out of work. This is after he spent close to 5,000 on her and the kids becuase she did no even have bedding on the kids bed or any desent dishes and other house hold iteam.

As for keeping Recods our life is on papper i wright down when we leave the house and when we get home. I keep phone logs of all call in and out of our home. If she call wrights emails anything those are loged in the normal arean and then logged in on the list i have for her only. I take my FI to work everynight and pick him up everymorning. That is the only time we are not togeather is when he wroks. Ohh pluse i keep a very up to date personal Journal.

I am trying to figure out were we can get the extra money for a lawer right now because we are living pay check to pay check sinces i am not working even part time because of being pg. But may be oneces i start doing the papper delivery we will have the extra income to get one.

We just postponed our wedding by a year so we could take care of all this and save for the wedding. it is inportand to me to have all of our children with use at the time of the wedding
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#7 of 7 Old 11-11-2005, 04:12 PM
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Wow that is a tough one hun!
If she has full custosy there isn't too much you can do.
You can take her back to court, and keep taking her back to make her
life miserable but in the end result it doesn't get you anywhere.
Through a children's program (what was the reason for that?)
Was it something like "supervised visitation? I am not really
clear on that. I know that when I went through that situation
my ex (I had reasons, due to abuse, and so forth I didn't want
him to have ANY access. If not, he needed to have "supervised visitation."
I know my father went through an also similar situation where my mother wanted full, but they got parital (joined physical custosy). Like my bf says," Courts are prejudice against men in court." You have to PROVE that you are a good father. He got barely any visitation to see our oldest. So, I suggest that you take her back, build a case against her, file police reports if there is "serious issues", get doctor's involved, get the support of friends and family. Get as much as you can. There is no such thing as too much. I wish I had more information for you, or suggestions, but as far as court goes I know its VERY difficult to get custosy and once another party has it to OBTAIN it. Inless there are very SERIOUS VALID REASONS that proves that the children's wellbeing is better off with the "other parent." Keep us posted, to you.
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