Psych. eval - problems with stepson - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 11-14-2005, 01:08 AM - Thread Starter
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I have a psych eval tomorrow for my husband's custody case. Mom wants to take the kids away. They have 50/50. Her only reasons are complaints about me.

It's either one of three complains:
1.If I'm too good to her children then I'm trying to take their place.
2. If I back off (to stop her from feeling so insecure) she claims I don't want her kids around me & love my son more. 3. If I ignore her and run my house as normal with my husband and I treating all the kids the same (his & mine)she says I'm too hard on her kids and I shouldn't be disciplining them or helping with school work & talking to teachers, etc.

My stepson recently started his mom v/s stepmom game. He is failing in school. For the last three months his father and I have helped him get his HW done that was supposed to be done at his mother's, we push him to get classwork done, etc. We keep email contact with his teachers. We had to get on to him each week to write all assignments down & tell us everything that he needs to do. After three months of getting nowhere, my husband contacted mom to see if she has any concerns regarding my stepson's work. She replied that she will not communicate with him via email so if she couldn't talk to him then she will not tell him any concerns. Stepson is failing three classes due to incomplete or missing work. My husband went to the teachers and arranged to have his teachers sign is planner every day. Stepson went back to mom and said it was all my idea just because I wanted to be mean to him. He also said I called him bad words in front of my husband and my husband didn't care. He comes home all happy-go-lucky and wants to hang out with me and wants me to invite his friends over. He told me that he said that to his mom because he thought she would get him out of having to have his teachers sign his planner every day. It back fired. They brought it to the VP and she researched it and told stepson that my husband and I are doing exactly what she would do and now he has to do it for 2 months instead of the 2 weeks we had planned on.

He says why should I care what he says about me as long as he doesn't say it in front of me. He doesn't realize how this is going to effect the evaluation if the evaluator doesn't realize what his motive was.

We are trying to get the VP to write what she told my husband on the phone, but we don't know if she'll do it. We also have all the emails from the teachers showing that they agree with my husband and I. We also have an email from mom showing that she is completely against us.

Question...What approach should I make with the evaluator on all this? I don't want to come across to defensive or like I don't care.
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#2 of 6 Old 11-14-2005, 01:37 AM
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The best thing that custody evaluators can do is spot BS from a mile away. And that is really all that they are looking for. They are looking for mental illness and dishonesty. Just be open, real and answer their questions. Don't try to "be" any way... just be.

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#3 of 6 Old 11-14-2005, 10:19 AM
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Don't add too much input. Maybe just the big concers. I would try to stay in the background and let hubby do all the talking. And what MsMo who you are and nothing more.
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#4 of 6 Old 11-14-2005, 10:31 AM
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focus on you and your concerns about your stepson when he is with you.

don't say a peep about the mom and what you think of her and how she treats her son. if you focus on the mom it will appear you are blamming her and make you look very bad.

he honest, answer the questions but don't add anything extra or explain your answers. just be yourself and tell the truth about yourself, your marriage and your parenting.

another thing i have seen happen a million times. stepmom tries to make mom look really bad. evaluator begins to wonder how messed up dad is for having a kid with mom, then elvaluator wonders how messed up stepmom is for getting involved with dad. best to not even mention mom unless the evaluator asks.


"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." -- Mary Olivercoolshine.gif

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#5 of 6 Old 11-14-2005, 12:24 PM
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Go in and be yourself. If you are a stark raving loony, the courts should see it.

Seriously, you have a huge battle on your hands. Try to be as calm, rational and unemotional as you can. Answere the questions how you know you should,not how you want to.
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#6 of 6 Old 11-14-2005, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
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Yeah, I guess if he wants it addressed then he will ask. If he doesn't ask, then I hope that means he doesn't believe it.

I understand...if I focus on the tug-o-war mom has going on, I'll miss the opportunity to talk about me & the good things in my family & home.

The evaluator said I will have about 45 minutes with my husband then about an hour alone.

That's not enough time, IMO, to sum it all up. I wish I could meet with him a second time to clear anything up. Maybe I can ask.
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