This really hurt: tell me, am I being unreasonable?? (long) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 11-20-2005, 06:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Right- the background. Was married, we had two boys together, I threw him out with the help of a court, he met a woman with a daughter six months older than our oldest. Therefore, my ex is an almost-stepfather of one and father of two (theoretically, anyhow- yep??) I'm also remarried with another baby on the way some time this year.
Last night, I bumped into someone who used to be a good friend up until 7 years ago, when I was pregnant with my eldest: then of course, the lack of babysitters came between me and many hours spent in pubs, drinking alcohol and being a fan geek (my ex is a fan of a particular sci-fi series. So is the mate.) He was really confused that I'm the mother of two boys, because he remembers me being pregnant at the time and as a writer and a gay man, he's fascinated by the idea of pregnancy- you know, babies kicking beer mats off the top of a bump, the idea of sharing your body with another person and all the other stuff he's never likely to experience. Yet, in emails with my ex recently and in posts on forums online, my lovely darling ex has been specifically identifying himself as being the father of a 7yo daughter, therefore the friend assumed we'd had a girl. I did a little bit of stalking last night and I've found 20+ references to his daughter, the Doctor Who fan: not one to his 6yo son, who's also a DW fan. She ISN'T, technically, his daughter: and he complains that our sons call him Daddy and my husband Dad, though his stepdaughter-to-be has been calling him daddy for 3 years or more now.
Am I just being overly hormonal and pregnant and irrational, finding this offensive? I'm just so annoyed with him already, what with the lack of child support and lack of visiting the boys and all the rest of it: and now it feels like he's denying they even exist. (BTW, he always wanted a girl: I don't know if he's told his new partner this or not, but part of me wonders if this is why it hurts so much.)
Talk sense to me, please?

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#2 of 6 Old 11-20-2005, 02:15 PM
 
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I think you're perfectly justified in feeling hurt by that, not necessarily for yourself, but for your boys. I think your ex is not acting like a loving parent, but a selfish adult. Hopefully, your dh is a good father figure, so the boys know what it's like to be in a loving relationship.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#3 of 6 Old 11-20-2005, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. On top of everything else, we had a meaningful discussion about child support today, and I feel like total crap: but yes, you're right, my dh rocks . I need to keep focussing on the good stuff.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#4 of 6 Old 11-20-2005, 06:43 PM
 
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nak

I agree. It sucks for your sons and that you have to see that. Too bad... your ex is missing out on two beautiful people he helped to create. to ya mama.

Creating Art. Living life on Guam. Sharing my Journey.

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#5 of 6 Old 11-20-2005, 07:26 PM
 
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i dont think you are being sensitive...you have legitimate concern for your boys...be grateful for your dh and god luck w/ the rest of your pregnancy.
rach
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#6 of 6 Old 11-21-2005, 01:10 AM
 
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If I were you, I'd print as much of those references as I can. Who knows, in 6 months or 6 years from now, he may try to take you back to court for custody or something. It never hurts to have stuff like that printed out.

If you never need it that's even better, but be safer than sorry.

Don't let the boys know this. Sometimes what they don't know won't hurt them works.

It hurts when someone else doesn't see your children the same way you do, especially the other person who helped you bring them into the world. I've been there.

Be thankful that you don't have an ex who is taking you to court every year trying to take your boys from you or trying to turn them against their stepfather. Things could be worse.

In some cases an absentee parent is better.
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