how do you do holidays? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 12-02-2005, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My stepkids are coming this year for a week but they leave before Xmas. My children are now old enough to notice gifts.

So do we do gifts for everyone before they leave? Do we do the skid's gifts and just one gift each for my kids? Do we do just the skid's gifts and tell my kids to wait? Do we send the skid's gifts home with them to be opened with the other family (we think they throw our gifts away anyways).

what do you think? I need suggestions.
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#2 of 12 Old 12-03-2005, 08:20 PM
 
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Dss is with us every other year on Christmas day. He lives with us, but his mom lives in town now. We try to let him celebrate Xmas with both families. Last year it was "her christmas" so we just pretended that Dec 23 was Christmas day. I thought it might feel weird, but it didn't. My ds is a toddler so had no clue. We just decided that Dec. 22 was Christmas eve, my parents and siblings came over and celebrated with us, the 23rd was Christmas day, then he went offf to his mom's for 2 days.
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#3 of 12 Old 12-04-2005, 05:21 PM
 
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We do every other year at the ncp's. So this year, we had the kids on thanksgiving, he has them for winter sol. (or as he calls it xmas) We usually set the weekend before as our day, set the advent calender to the right countdown.

Two years ago... we started the calender on the Friday after thanksgiving. There is a couple of benefits to this, one, the kids think the "real" day is with us, family and friends help with the charade, and it really feels like the right day for us as adults.


This year, their ncp only wants them for a couple hours on xmas day. so I am not sure what we are doing. Solstice is on the wednesday before.
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#4 of 12 Old 12-05-2005, 03:50 PM
 
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Our first christmas with my stepchildren and my stepdaughter was 3 years ago when she was 5. We just explained that there are so many children that have two homes. Santa knows this and makes two trips. One on the night they are at their dad's home and one on the night they are at their mom's home.

Maybe one day they'll make a new cartoon made especially for blended families.

Of course mom told them that Santa only goes to her house and the gifts we give them are from us only. That was sad for the kids. Thankfully they got our version before hers and ours sounded nicer than hers.

Now they are 9 and 12. They understand things better.
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#5 of 12 Old 12-05-2005, 04:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by stressedstepmom

Of course mom told them that Santa only goes to her house and the gifts we give them are from us only. That was sad for the kids. Thankfully they got our version before hers and ours sounded nicer than hers.

Now they are 9 and 12. They understand things better.
How evil!!! How do people come up with this? Dss' s biomom told him when he was 5 on mothers day that only women who have carried the child in their womb are allowed to get presents on mothers day!!! (I know I've told you all this before, but he told her that OPRAH said a mom is anyone who takes care of you ).
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#6 of 12 Old 12-05-2005, 04:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Flor
Dss' s biomom told him when he was 5 on mothers day that only women who have carried the child in their womb are allowed to get presents on mothers day!!!
My DSS has this belief on his own : Noone taught it to him, it's just hiw own thought, and it HURTS!

This past Mother's Day, we got a gift for my SO's mother, and DSS was adament he would not be a part of it because she 'was not HIS mother', I finally spoke up (SO didn't want me to before, but kept putting it off), that Mother's Day was for anyone in your life who was there for you, and cared for you... He seemed more understanding at that point, but I was very upset with my SO that he'd never set DSS straight on that one...


Anyway, around here, we have DSS Christmas morning, and biomom takes him for a few hours in the afternoon. Last year he spent the night with her, but I'm not certain what will happen this year, as everytie I ask SO to start talking with his mother and biomom about what the ideas are for Christmas, he tells me I'm 'harping on him' about it... Sooooo... Like usual, it'll come down to the last minute, and I'll be miserable... So be it.
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#7 of 12 Old 12-06-2005, 04:02 PM
 
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It's been a while since my ex cared enough to want the boys for Xmas, but the way we looked at it: different cultures exchange gifts on different days and there are at LEAST 6 good occasions to hand pressies over- St Nicholas' feast day (today) solstice, Xmas eve, day, boxing day and twelfth night- all of which have a historical precedent- so you can have a special day with its own cool traditions without having Santa come twice if you want. (we usually do 12th night, just cos of the cake...)

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#8 of 12 Old 12-11-2005, 12:37 AM
 
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My parents divorced about 8 years ago, and the first Christmas the kids (5 of us, now ages 29-35) tried to have Christmas morning at our mom's then drive to our dad's Christmas day. That was a disaster - traffic, rushing and having to say goodbye to our mom to spend the rest of Christmas alone.

Ever since, we have celebrated the weekend before thanksgiving and christmas at my dad's and then go to our mom's on the real day. It works out for everyone, and we have a very extended holiday season. Luckily santa knows to go to both places.
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#9 of 12 Old 12-15-2005, 10:09 AM
 
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This may not be an option for you, but FWIW here's my plan. (This is my first year dealing with blended families.) For several years I have celebrated the Solstice with my kids since both grandparents live locally Christmas day was so hectic. So Santa filled stockings in the morning and any gifts from extended family (my grandparents, my biodad) were under the tree. But our "gift" holiday and "family" holiday is the Solstice, which has more meaning for me anyway, and I invented the Solstice Fairy. I'm very, very glad that I did, as now that we're separated it's easy to offer him Christmas and I'll have the Solstice.

Actual dates have never been a huge deal in my house as my ex has always had jobs where he had to work many holidays, and the kids don't care. We'll just say, "We're celebrating Thanksgiving today!" etc. You might also point out that although Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ, nobody actually knows what day he was born.

JM2cents.
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#10 of 12 Old 12-17-2005, 01:42 PM
 
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Well, this is the first year that DS really knows anything of christmas but of course, he doesn't know dates.... but anyway, we have the stepkids from Dec 23rd at 8pm to Christmas eve 8pm... we are just treating Christmas eve as Christmas. We are even having tons of family over for a get together. Eventually, I'm just going to tell DS that I wrote to Santa and asked him to come a night early for the years we have the stepkids on Christmas eve instead of christmas day so that he could get us out of the way early... just one less stop on the BIG day. I really don't think it will be a problem seeing as how he'll get to open presents a day earlier, lol.

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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#11 of 12 Old 12-19-2005, 03:47 PM
 
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We just explained that there are so many children that have two homes. Santa knows this and makes two trips. One on the night they are at their dad's home and one on the night they are at their mom's home.
We do this too!

Our families come over xmas eve and we have a big dinner that nite (with the kids) then we (dh and I and the kids) do gifts xmas morning and the kids leave after lunch to their moms to spend a week. We've offered the same to my ex but he has different plans each year. So, his family either celebrate before or after, (his choice). Its usually after so he can spend more time together since school is out.

But, its usually goes relatively smoothly.
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#12 of 12 Old 12-23-2005, 11:33 PM
 
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Our holidays are especially simple because ds's father is Chinese and is not Christian and for the most part does not celebrate American or religious holidays. Therefore, ds is with me on all holidays.
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