Dh sister 'forgot' my daughter (dh sd) on holiday cards, gifts.. - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-06-2005, 01:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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WWYD?

dd was here when the holiday gifts and cards arrived.
no gift for her.
no card for her.
holiday card arrives today I open it..
dear me, dh, son1 and son2 happy holidays.
no mention of my dd..

I am a little p0'd

(* I got a giftcard from sil so I gave it to my daughter)
I didn't want a gift etc, but to exclude her and not to even put her name in the card? she was pretty hurt.

8 might be enough
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Old 12-06-2005, 01:12 AM
 
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Yuck. That sucks. Can you talk to her about it?
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Old 12-06-2005, 01:16 AM
 
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I am so sorry. I don't know what to say other than that I've been through it myself. Last year we went to DH's family's for Christmas, and there were presents for the 2 "real" nieces (they are the same age as DD) and nothing for her. The previous year, DH's brother went on a trip to a foreign country and brought back gifts for the nieces, except for my DD.

This year, Christmas is at our house and I just hope they have the decency to show up with something for her since they'll be in *her* house.

Hugs to your DD!!

Tofie ~ mama to DD1, DD2 and Pookie v3 debuting December 2011
Oh my God....women are the COWS of PEOPLE!! --Reese, Malcolm in the Middle
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Old 12-06-2005, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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um no I can't really mention it to her (she's a little space cadets and one of those everyone hates me cry to her mom I am a wench types)

and I vowed to let dh start family blow outs always

I was thinking of sending a card and saying love
My daughter, us, my daughter's name again

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Old 12-06-2005, 01:35 AM
 
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The card thing sounds good.

I was thinking after I posted that if anyone speaks to her, your dh would be a good nominee.
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Old 12-06-2005, 01:40 AM
 
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i dont know...was it intentional. i think i would get some back up gift in case those ppl come to your home in such an inconsiderate manner. your poor dd. so sorry
rach
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Old 12-06-2005, 01:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't help but think it was 'intentional' as they have always paid dd more attention and interest than her own 2 nephews. DD knows that she is 'more mature' than my sil (previous experiences she's immature in a childish way)

but its just sad period.
and she also forgot ds2's first birthday and dh birthday this weekend..

family eh?

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Old 12-07-2005, 06:51 PM
 
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My father-in-law forgot to put my son's name on a card for christmas. I just hid the card and never mentioned it. When he sees my son he shows him love and affection so I just blew the card thing off as him being old & forgetting.

He also bought my husband's son a gift in march, but forgot my son's b-day in april. Again I blew it off and told my son to let it go as well. It hurt, but we understood that sometimes older people forget, especially someone that just popped into their family.

If it really bothered you last year, I wouldn't wait to see if history repeats itself. I would have a quick talk with them and explain that you noticed one child's name missing last year and you wanted to make sure it didn't happen again.

I always try to fix a problem before it becomes a problem.
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Old 12-07-2005, 07:50 PM
 
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OUCH!

Our children are equal in our home, and anyone who can't treat them as such, doesn't deserve to be in our lives, IMO.

I'm so sorry for your DD. What a tough cookie!!!
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Old 12-07-2005, 10:34 PM
 
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I think since it is your dh's sister he needs to do something. He needs to stand up for his step-daughter.
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Old 12-10-2005, 12:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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if it was just the card and not the card and no presents for her...
I might think ooops.

dh will deal with it and he can pick the gifts for his family, I am not making any effort at all. (but am still p*ssd)

8 might be enough
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Old 12-10-2005, 12:27 PM
 
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I have the same problem. SO's family "forgets" my daughter..and its not like she is a lil kid..shes 9 so she gets it...KWIM..

I think that your DH should handle it ..rightfully so it is his family and you woukdnt want to cause any friction with you and his family.
Its truely mean to "forget"..even if it was unintentional ..in cases of bleneded families I think that family ought be more observant to these matters ..esp. during the holidays.

Huge hugs for your dd.....

I told SO to tell his family not to get his daughter anything if they were not going to do the same for mine.....her sad face last X-mas was to heartbreaking for me to handle.
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Old 12-10-2005, 03:51 PM
 
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I am sitting bawling for your poor kids. And it makes me soo thankful that my inlaws are so great. Seriously, my children's bio grandparents are less involved than their "step" grandparents. They give/do as much with our older kids as they do their other grandkids.
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Old 12-11-2005, 11:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am sitting bawling for your poor kids. And it makes me soo thankful that my inlaws are so great. Seriously, my children's bio grandparents are less involved than their "step" grandparents. They give/do as much with our older kids as they do their other grandkids.
Ah boobybunny its okay some kids find out later that many adults are more childish, I used it as an opportunity to explain how to handle BS behvior, and reinforce its my dh's family not her (she gets it as they are generally very odd) But for me family is everything... and they really aren't in the family class for us. I tried for a long time but stupid is doing the same thing and expecting different results. My dd has also seen that my dh's family is not that loving to him. speak of the devil its my mother in law on the phone!

8 might be enough
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Old 12-11-2005, 11:33 PM
 
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I think that's a horrible, rotten thing to do. I'm so sorry you're related to that woman.
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Old 12-11-2005, 11:39 PM
 
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I have SOOO been in your shoes and what a horrible thing! With my IL's I'm not sure if it was intentional or not. Everyone had a STACK of presents in front of them except for my ds...who had NONE! I was speechless! Hell I would have brought some for him if I had even SUSPECTED they would ALL forget him!

If I were you I wouldn't leave it to them to fail your dd again. Have some backups just in case and your dh sure should mention it to them. Your dd is as "real" as the rest of them!
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Old 12-12-2005, 02:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think that's a horrible, rotten thing to do. I'm so sorry you're related to that woman.
lol there's a whole family of them types!
DD has been a class act about the entire thing and has always been respectful and nice to them. I've tried to do my best to intercept gifts and 'spruce them up' if its obvious someones been bargain bin diving.

But dd has also seen them not call on the ds's birthdays, SIL didn't aknowledge ds1 her first nephew, first grandchild etc never aknowledged his birth - no call, no email, no card for 4 months...

so atleast she knows its not personal.
but still you'd think you'd have the brains to think that a stepchild might feel left out an outsider....I have large reservations about accepting the gifts for the boys since there was no mention of my dd I don't really expect a huge gift just some mention of her.

And I hate the way they never fail to lower their own bar.

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Old 12-12-2005, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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and so did dh aunt...
You know I'd be raging if they even knew how to spell my son's names..
FAMILY SUX.

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