Ex's New Girlfriend - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-14-2005, 12:41 AM - Thread Starter
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Ok to make a long story short......me and my ex were together for four years and out of that four years he was cheating for two years. So we have been officialy broken up since sept and now are doing the visitation. My history with his girlfriend has been that she is psycotic a liar a stalker. She is drama. I feel my children dont need to be around her. But there father insist in involving her. I have asked him several times not to have her around them and he doesnt listen. I have even came and got them early from vist cause she was there. He does not do nothing for them. He does not pay childsupport. He visits for four hours on tuesdays and thursdays. He is a play date. Im the one there for them 24/7. What am i to do ? Am i being unresonable ?

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#2 of 6 Old 12-14-2005, 02:36 AM
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yes you are being unreasonable. Not unreasonable in feelings but unreasonable legally.

He can expose his children to anyone he wants so long as there is nothing illgal going on. There isn't much you can do about it when it is his time.

If you feel she is a stalker my advice is to document that. Legal action against her can make her a legally "bad enough person" that you might get a court to give your kids an Order of protection against her but unless she has threatened THEM your chances are slim.

Divorce sucks!

He is not a playdate, he is thier father. He may not get as much time as you but he is still their father. If the courts ruled to give him custody and you limited visitation you wouldn't appreciate being refered to as a "Play date." nor would your limited custodial time reduce your affection for your children.
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#3 of 6 Old 12-17-2005, 02:32 AM
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The original post is almost exactly what my husband's ex tried to do to us when we were dating. She ended up with a restraining order on her and was left with 50% custody.

Don't resist the ex's new person. Don't encourage the children to feel the way you do. My husband's ex did that and we have been to court 5 times in the last 3 years because of it.
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#4 of 6 Old 12-17-2005, 01:27 PM
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Yep, have to agree... you are being unreasonable legally. He is allowed to expose them to anyone he sees fit. Unfortunately, that probably will never jive with what you want for them. Your post leads me to believe that you are still very bitter with your ex and I'm sure you have every right to be, however... he is your children's father, he is as much her parent as you are, even if he doesn't have them 24/7... My best advice is to let go of the anger and TRY to have a decent relationship with him that you can still have him as an important part of your children's life because no matter how much you may dislike him, your children love him.... and having their father as an active part in their life is the best thing you can do for them.

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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#5 of 6 Old 01-01-2006, 10:58 PM
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Hi, Happy New Year. I don't think you are being unreasonable. Part of the responsibility of caring for children's emotions during family break up, is in my opinion, letting children know that they are safe and protected. Its valuable to let them know that some behaviour is unacceptable, without spelling it out to them. If you only just separated in September I think its appalling that the father should be introducing a g/f so soon. Remember they may have a history but the children are not aware of it. The whole thing of not paying child support is disrespectful to the children. I've no idea of your legal position, american family law strikes me as insane. Feel all your feelings, keep on an even keel for the children's sake, they will remember what you have done for them, which of you was there for them. In my own experience a child generally loves the dysfunctional parent too.

its late, i can't flip back to your message to get more detail w/out losing this post. Time is a healer but sometimes you think you've got it sorted then it all comes flooding back. If you can don't get drawn into any conflict but stand your ground if its reasonable. And even if its some kind of hurt/messy/jealous/confused standpoint your coming from you're allowed to feel those things, your human. He'll be a dad if he wants to, thats up to him. One day at a time,

much love MM
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#6 of 6 Old 01-02-2006, 02:36 PM
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I dont know how many new GF my ex will introduce to my boys...his ex GF/fiance - with her for 1.5 yrs did not want to meet the boys until she knew she was sticking around...the new GF (23 yrs old and he is 38) wanted to be part of their lives right away because ex has a V and this is her chance to be a mom - huh? whatever!

your feelings are not unreasonable....but leagally - there is nothing you can do....my ex played house with his ex and she is the one who cared for them...now he has this new one to play house with...he also just sees them 1-2 times a week for a few hours - sometiimes overnights...not on a regular basis....

hugs...this situation stinks...just show ds you are the one stable thing for him.....he will see his dad's true colors with time on his own - DO NOT bad talk either on of them to him - that can legally get you in trouble.
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