hello, thank you for taking the time to read my post. i will try to keep it short, I'm really in a pickle and i hope some of you may take the time to respond. i am open to any suggestions or solutions as i have failed to come up with any of my own......
the history: my bright and loving 10 yr old dd is the product of a short lived and tumultuous relationship that was over by the time she was 1. Both of us (her dad and i) have since married and had children, he has a stepson. there have been some problems with the step-mom who i feel is overly controlling, overtly hostile to me and surreptitiously so to my dd. dd is a very intellectual child in contrast to her step brother. her step mom views this as timidity and has set about to 'toughen up' dd with the passive approval of dad. my dd has been forced to learn to ride a bike without feeling safe or ready to do so, has been called 'over sensitive' and is considered to be somewhat of a shrinking violet by her step mom. of course, i disagree with her views and i know of no one (teachers, family members, friends) who share her opinions.
(it sure is easy to venture into 'too much information', isn't it!?)
So, the current dilemma involves an upcoming ten day vacation to Mexico with her dad. dd had been looking forward to this, as it had been discussed that they would go swimming with dolphins (among other fun things -though this is her most favorite, to be sure. she is an animal lover of the highest order) She shared with me a few days ago that she was very worried because of plans to take the family to an amusement park where the largest roller coaster in Mexico is and that if she refused to ride this ride, she would not be allowed to swim with the dolphins. this is not the first time such strong arm tactics have been used on her to get her on a roller coaster. this last summer when her best beloved cousin was here on a rare visit, the girls (neither of whom wanted anything to do with riding a roller coaster) were told that unless they got on the ride, they would not be allowed to have the sleep over which had been planned. the girls got on and were terrified and upset.
I feel this kind of forced experience is not only frightening for dd, but i actually feel its a kind of torture. am i overreacting? dd says this last threat originated with the step mom but that dad joined in. i obviously need to have a talk with dad, but in the past, talks like this (where i am feeling the protective momma bear trying to claw out
) are fraught with potential disaster.
i need some guidence...... what would you do?