I sent biomom a Xmas gift - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 12-24-2005, 08:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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and just waiting to hear if she acknowledges it.

Dsd lives far away and thankfully so does her mother!
We haven't actually been good friends. She's pulled a couple mind games etc which I don't appreciate it. I've been civil to her. While out xmas shopping I came across something that made me think of her (in a good way) and without another thought I bought it. I'm alittle anxious now but she might not even say a word about it so who knows...I do appreciate her and dsd so why not I figured. Maybe this will change things for the better...
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#2 of 13 Old 12-26-2005, 05:48 AM
 
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Once dss's bio mom bought me a gift, and that was nice. She was in a store with dss and they saw a bird feeder and he told her I wanted a bird feeder, and she bought it for me. She also called me in the hospital when I had my baby. Sometimes she's nicer than I am : . That was very nice of you and even if she can't think of a way to respond, I'm sure she thinks it was nice, too.
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#3 of 13 Old 12-26-2005, 02:04 PM
 
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That was nice of you. I hope it makes a positive difference.

I wish our situation was one where I felt compelled to do something like that. Unfortunately, I am so burnt on trying to make any effort, so I just stopped. Too many times my friendly gestures were met with hurtful iciness, or she would think my friendliness was an invitation for her to make jokes about DH at his expense, as if I would chime in and laugh at him with her! : So I decided to go into self-preservation mode and I simply stopped trying. I am always cordial and make nice when I see her, but that's the extent. It's too bad... I really do wish things could be different.
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#4 of 13 Old 12-26-2005, 03:34 PM
 
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Good for you! Who said StepMom's are wicked??? My dss's mom used to send gifts for my dh (from her, not the kids!).....anyway, she may not acknowledge it your dsd will appreciate it and that's the important thing. You're a good person. Merry Christmas to all.
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#5 of 13 Old 12-26-2005, 05:51 PM
 
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Good for you!!

I also sent gifts to biomom and her new baby from myself and my DD this year She was very kind, and appreciative
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#6 of 13 Old 12-26-2005, 06:37 PM
 
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wow, you are a nicer step-momma then I... but then again, BM has never once said thank you to me for doing something nice for her, or for favors so I quit doing them for her long ago.

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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#7 of 13 Old 12-27-2005, 02:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Attached2Elijah
wow, you are a nicer step-momma then I... but then again, BM has never once said thank you to me for doing something nice for her, or for favors so I quit doing them for her long ago.
This kinda made me sad... You only do favors, or nice things to get a 'thank you'? Sure, I'd prefer a thank you, but I don't EVER expect one, and won't stop being a kind and thoughtful person just because I don't get one...
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#8 of 13 Old 12-28-2005, 07:55 PM
 
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Good for you! Can't let other people change who you are. I also went all out for my step-kids mom. I know she doesn't have any friends and her family is checked out so I thought how would I feel if I was in her shoes? I love presents! So I went out and bought her a stocking, her favorite candy, and some odd n end things to fill it up. Not any of the kids or her said Thank you or even acknowledged what went on. Then this woman seriously called and started this big arguement with us the very next day. But I felt motives were pure at least for me. I didn't do what I did for her to say anything but because I honestly didn't want her to feel left out. The rest is her problem.
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#9 of 13 Old 12-29-2005, 03:40 PM
 
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that is awsome and very nice of you.

in my case bio mom got mad when I gave them a little gift when I went to visit because i was buying their affection....and I am this evil person in her mind so she has no interest in even meeting me so she continues to keep this image of me...whatever.

My exMIL acknowledges my new son and even signed the xmas gift grandma and grandpa...the new grandparents just sent their grandchild a gift and not my two older boys.....

SO and I are not married so hopefully this all will change once our vows are exchanged.

I am hoping next Christmas is more "in-family" since this year we were both with our "original family" and not "blended".

Now...for a funny....my ex's ex-fiance got all three of the boys a little something......and my ex got my new son a savings bond for xmas. Guess we are a big happy extended family!
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#10 of 13 Old 12-29-2005, 03:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MomBirthmomStepmom
This kinda made me sad... You only do favors, or nice things to get a 'thank you'? Sure, I'd prefer a thank you, but I don't EVER expect one, and won't stop being a kind and thoughtful person just because I don't get one...
I'm not the person you were responding to, but I can relate to feeling burnt by lack of thank you or even acknowledgement from someone, leading me to just stop trying. The only thing doing favors for my DH's ex got me is her EXPECTING me to be around to pick up her slack and then being annoyed when I'm not. I mean, we're not talking about a friend here, where we have a give/take r-ship anyway and it all comes out in the wash... we are talking about someone I have a strained r-ship with as it is... so when nice things are left unacknowledged or even met with nastiness in return, I personally stop putting myself out there and setting myself up for having hurt feelings or feeling taken advantage of. If I can help out, I certainly will (and I do), but I won't go out of my way for her, that's for sure. And I'm still a kind and thoughtful person.
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#11 of 13 Old 01-07-2006, 04:28 AM
 
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We had to stop anything like that. Mom thought it was her job to take the childrne to buy my husband gifts for Father's day, etc, because she was their mother and she was the one who was married to my husband and I was just the girlfriend (we weren't married at the time).

She then threw a huge fit because Mother's day came and went and she got nothing from my husband. She called several times and said, "Mother's day is coming and I haven't seen any money from you to buy me something." My husband ignored her.

Finally it got so bad that he told her that I would purchase his gifts for him and her husband can do the same for her. She didn't like that.

Now she insists that the children tell me what her husband purchased for her. Things like Diamonds, day spas, etc. I ignore it. When the children ask me what dad bought me, I say I don't need material gifts, I just need him. Then I change the subject. I'm not going to tell them so they can go tell mom.

It's a shame that something as simple as a gift can cause so much trouble.
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#12 of 13 Old 01-07-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stressedstepmom
She then threw a huge fit because Mother's day came and went and she got nothing from my husband. She called several times and said, "Mother's day is coming and I haven't seen any money from you to buy me something." My husband ignored her.
.
That's crazy!

I take dss to buy presents for his mom for bdays and mothers day. I just like to shop so it's not a problem for me.

I had dss bring his mom a pack of diapers that ds had outgrown (her baby is a little younger). She called last night and left a very sweet message thanking me. I was kinda touched. I'm not sure I would have done the same. . ..
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#13 of 13 Old 01-20-2006, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well - to put an ending to the story....I heard nothing. I was alittle disappointed so I guess I had been expecting some kind of reaction. I finally rationalized that dsd never acknowldges when we send xmas, bday or any other kind of packages so....you know. the apple falling from the tree I guess.
But I reminded myself I did it for me and to be/stay a person. And its not an easy thing sometimes trust me. But effort is everything right?
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