Grandparents & Giftgiving - Mothering Forums
Blended and Step Family Parenting > Grandparents & Giftgiving
mazajo's Avatar mazajo 04:56 PM 12-26-2005
Just wondering what this is like in other blended families...

I have three boys, ages 10, 11 & 13, from a previous marriage. My husband (we've been married a year) has a daughter, 7, who lives with us full time. We also have a three month old between the two of us.

My parents make sure to spend the same about of money on my DSD for Christmas and birthdays as they do on my DSs.

My DH's mother does not acknowledge my DSs' birthdays, or get them anything for Christmas. She spends quite a bit on DSD, however, be it Christmas or birthday or a Tuesday afternoon or whatever.

My DSs do notice this, and they have a hard time understanding the fairness of it. I can't come up with any good explanation for them. I've tried speaking to DH about it, his responds are that my parents don't -have- to get his daughter anything... or that its easier for them to because there's only one of her and three of my boys, and that his daughter knows my family better (which is true, but that's because they make an effort- they come here to visit, invite ALL of us over there, take ALL the kids on outings, ect...)

Who else deals with this, and how do you do it?


MomBirthmomStepmom's Avatar MomBirthmomStepmom 06:49 PM 12-26-2005
We've been a blended family over a year now. For a bit there, in the beginning, my SO's parents/sisters etc did the same thing. Spoiled DSS rotten, and not a thing for my DD.

Well, time went on, they got more comfy with the fact that we were sticking around, and SO had a talk with them. They're now treated evenly, although DSS spends more time with them. (we feel this is right and fair though)

I came right out once, and told my SO, anyone that cannot treat our children equally does not deserve to be in their lives, PERIOD. He agrees, although it took him a LONG time to get to that point.

The funny thing is, my DD's grandmother, (not MY mother, her biodad's mother), sends gifts to my DSS too!! She ALWAYS sends equal amounts of gifts/cards etc, for all bdays/holidays!! Amazing, isn't it?! She's such a caring loving person!

This past weekend though, you could really see how much more SO's family is accepting of DD. It took some time, but it's getting better.
Flor's Avatar Flor 03:08 AM 12-27-2005
It is a shame that your dh lets this happen. It is mean. It really doesn;t matter who knows who better. Don't you ever buy a gift because you have to? (like an office party, for example). It's not hard. Even in the unblended parts of my family, there are cousins I am closer to and some not so much but if I were giving one a present, and another was going to be there, I'd get one for the other. IT'S JUST GOOD MANNERS! My parents spend exactly the same amount on each grandkid regardless of whose blood relation they are. The conversation has to come from your dh. Why is he letting someone treat your kids this way ( I might say to him)?

When I was little, my half-sis and half-bro's mom (my dad's first wife) used to send me presents for Chirstmas along with the gifts for my sibs. She wasn't a very nice lady, but she had manners and just thought it was the right thing to do. This kind of thing really gets to me!! :