Join Date: Dec 2005
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Originally Posted by uptownzoo
OK, deep breath. I'm sure I'll have a lot to say, but I'll try not to go on too long. I've been a stepmom for 5 1/2 years, and my older kids have had two SM's since my divorce 9 years ago so I'll do my best to share my experience.
About your insecurities: put them to bed. They're unnecessary and destructive. Your boy knows who his mommy is and he would no sooner confuse his SM for you than he would an aunt, grandma, teacher, or neighbor. I was never insecure about my children's SMs and have had awesome relationships with both of them. My SS's bio-mom, on the other hand, has been extremely insecure and it was terrible for the first couple of years. I won't go into detail because neither she nor I sounds too good in those stories, but suffice to say that she didn't need to be insecure. My SS and I love each other very much, but I'm not (and wouldn't be even if I tried) his mom.
As communication goes, we have found (after lots and lots of trial and error) that it's best for most of the communication to happen between the bio-parents. I'm very friendly with my kids' SM; we chat sometimes and are very comfortable with each other, but when I need to discuss the kids' activities or schedules whatever, I talk to their dad. I learned that by getting in the middle of DH's and SS's bio-mom's relationship and I know now that I didn't belong there. Step-parent/step-child relationships can be very loving and important, but they're not the same as parent/child relationships. I wish I'd known that at the beginning; maybe I could have avoided some of my mistakes.
OK, enough. I hope that things go smoothly for your family!
|She tries to get my son to tell her he loves her more than he does me...I feel this is only going to confuse him and also it will set a precedent with anyone else I dont need. He finally did say he loved her more last nite because she wore him down.|