Support hearing contempt and VENTING - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 02-20-2006, 02:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Alright I'm the evil stepmother apparently And sorry to say I'm about to get worse. Today I got a call from Cingular that dp hung up on so I'll called back to check the kids Firefly account and find that the password has been changed. They gave me the new password since I was able to provide all security info and then I proceeded to change it and cut off the phone. The phone was a gift to the kids so they could talk to their father since there was always an excuse why he couldn't talk so we "thought" giving them their own phone that only we could call would be the solution. Well after careful review we found out two days after the kids got the phone and she said it had been lost, she started using it. (haven't made it through all the #'s yet). That's issue # one.
She will not allow the kids to see their father because she doesn't like me (long story but mostly I've taken him out of poverty and can offer his children the same). There is a court order in place to allow him to see the kids every weekend. Ha hasn't happened we're filing with the court to hold her in contempt. My lawyer recommended I do this.
On wed dp and I will be going to DSS for a support hearing because his income has been reduced (he's primary caregiver for our daughter) and I'm going to have to come face to face with this witch. She's going to flip out that I'm there, If I do not go I'm uncertain the dp will stand up to her, stand up for me or himself so I'm going there is no question about that. Any suggestions on how I can maintain my composure because at this very moment I feel very and aggressive.
I love my dp very much but this woman and these children are causing a huge strain on our relationship and me a great deal of stress in my life. I like the kids just fine when their mother hasn't been brainwashing them.
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#2 of 9 Old 02-20-2006, 03:05 PM
 
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Hmm. Just don't let yourself say anything confrontational, bite your tongue. Be MORE reasonable than necessary. I also go with dh to these things because dh tends to just agree with everythinh to aviod conflict and get out of there. . .then regrets it later. Custody and support do effect you and your family and it is your business so don't even get into it with her. My dh wouldn't buy a used car without me being there, so how can he agree to other financial/time agreements without his partner?

It 's like a game for me, to control myself and my emotions and not let myself get upset. It is so hard, but possible.
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#3 of 9 Old 02-21-2006, 01:06 PM
 
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I dont blame you for being angry and agressive.

For me, I've become the fakest sweetest person when in situations like those. Kill 'em with kindness! I'm sure my experience as a customer service manager helped. Whatever was sent my way, was responded with kindness, "you stupid f'in slut" was greeted with, "I'm sorry you feel that way".

Eventually, she realized she couldnt get the better of me and I enjoyed the fact the kindness was driving her crazy. Petty? yeah, probably. But it made for a better situation.

I also kept telling myself, what goes around, comes around to get thru those tough moments. Then go home and complain like hell with dh!

Good luck at the hearing!
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#4 of 9 Old 02-21-2006, 03:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the support Mama's. I'll let everyone how it goes thursday morning.
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#5 of 9 Old 02-23-2006, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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..Everything went peacefully. Our next step is to file to hold her in contempt. DP is going to pretty much give her an ultimatum either he'll pay child support and she will uphold a reasonble visitation schedual or he wants to terminate paternal rights because we just aren't going to play games with her. The kids are almost old enough now that soon they are going to demand to see their father.
Also when we got there there one mean thing went through my mind, WOW she looks rough. ok that wasn't nice I know but I had to say it to someone. Apparently she requested the review because she wanted an increase. She is hung up on my income and because DP is doing well with me she has some reason to believe she's entitled to my money. Don't think so.

I'll stop whining now.

Thanks again
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#6 of 9 Old 02-24-2006, 07:15 PM
 
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Oh my goodness...I feel you; I am going through sort of the same thing with my (soon to be)dh's ex. She's al right, but I get the feeling that she thinks she's entitled to some of MY money because we are getting married and dh doesn't have a job just yet (he will soon), but he's the primary child care provider for my children. I think us getting married won't lead them to garnish my wages...I hope not, cause I know Washington is a community property state, but our lawyer doesn't seem to think that will happen even if he doesn't have a job. He is trying to find a way to pay his support, and we are going to have to fight her for visitation (grr) but that's the way it goes...

Sorry! I wasn't trying to hijack the thread... ...Hugs to you! Good luck and I hope everything goes well for you!~

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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#7 of 9 Old 02-25-2006, 01:09 AM
 
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I don't know answers here, but in general, a stepparent has no rights or obligations to the stepchild, so they don't look at your income. However, in some states, they look at how much the biological parent could be making if they were working, so marring a richer person and not working doesn't necessarily mean no child support if you COULD be making money. In our case, the nonworking noncustodial parent has so little work history, and that under the table, that we can't get child support. If she had an education and history of work, we could probably get something eventhough it would technically be her parnter's money.
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#8 of 9 Old 03-07-2006, 06:04 PM
 
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We live in California and my hubby just went to dss and the judge included my wages. My hubby said take my wifes wages off and the judge said if she is off the wage assignment then your support will be $50.00 more a month. So I don't know about the other states but California includes the wifes wages.

As for your other situation with his ex it is very hard but like she said you have to fake it and try to be civil. I know its hard but do it for your marriage. That just causes more stress on you two if you are angry.
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#9 of 9 Old 03-07-2006, 06:15 PM
 
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personally, I go back and forth on including the new spouses wages.

I think in a few very small cases it should be, but never automatic. Its just not fair for the most part. I mean, do they look at the custodial parents new spouses income too? I know our lawyer said that if we wanted to have the court include the new spouses income than we would have to include our new spouse income as well - which makes sense to me. It goes both ways.

Anyway, stepmomma, I'm sorry you got such an unreasonable judge.
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