I'm a custodial Dad. I've been divorced 9 years. I've had custody of my 3 boys since two years after the divorce. (We shared custody for the first two years) So, I've had full custody for 7 years. She has them every other weekend and unusually takes those weekends. Though, she sometimes has been inconsistent in the past.
Occasionally, she will plan something and tell me at the last minute and come and pick them up for a movie or something. This didn't happen often but, not occasionally. I always felt that it was important to choose my battles. If I didn't have something planned with them, I never made an issue of it.
I got married almost a year ago. My new bride has 4 kids. So, we have a full house now. (7)
Last Sunday, it was her weekend. My wife and I had something important in church that we wanted two of my boys to attend. (They are 13 and 15) The older boy is grown now. We asked that she allow me to pick up the kids for about 2 hours Sunday and drive them back to her house to finish their weekend. We had to talk my ex in to letting us have those hours in the middle of the day. But, she did let us do it. Though, the older of the two didn't choose to come. He stayed with his Mom the entire Sunday.
Now, this coming weekend, a mutual friend of ours is having a dance recital and has been selling tickets. She approached us to buy tickets and my wife reluctantly bought 3 tickets so some of the 8 in our family can attend. She didn’t exactly want to go herself.
Now, we come to find out that my ex bought 3 tickets so that she can attend with the two boys.....on OUR weekend. My ex still hasn't asked if she can pick them up this Saturday. My son told my wife about it.
My wife is angry that an event has been planned without asking us and we STILL have not been asked by my ex if she can take them.
My view in the past is that, I feel good about being flexible about things like that. If she had wanted to take them somewhere, at the last minute, I'd be OK with it as long as it didn't interfere with any plans I might have had. I still feel more comfortable dealing that way.
Now, my wife wants me to do things differently. She's very concerned that allowing my ex to plan something, then allowing her to take them, is treating her (my wife) as a "non person."
She feels that if I allow that, I'm putting my ex's feelings or the kid's feelings above her feelings. My wife suddenly wants to go to this dance recital and go down to buy enough tickets for us all to go. Then, we can tell my ex "no, we're planning on attending as a family".
I know how I feel about it. I want some objective opinions about it. What do you all think?