What do DC call their step-parents? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 34 Old 05-17-2006, 01:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just curious what your children call your DP/DH if he is not their bio dad? Do they call him by name? Do they have a different name for him? If you are the step parent, what do your step children call you??

My DS is 3 and I've been with my DP for over a year. DS calls him by name. DS's dad is still in his life, so calling my DP daddy is not really an option. People just seem to find it odd to see a 3 yr old referring to an adult by name in public....probably because they assume my DP is the dad.

I personally called my step-dad by name for most of my life, then switched to calling him dad about 5 years ago. My bio dad is not in my life, so my step-dad is the only dad I have known.

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#2 of 34 Old 05-17-2006, 02:11 PM
 
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My kids call my dh dad: they have a dad and a daddy, which works out for everyone except my ex. DS2 started calling dh dad as a result of peer and teacher pressure at school: you know, feeling the need to be part of a nuclear family.
They call their very-soon-to-be stepmum by her first name.

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#3 of 34 Old 05-17-2006, 02:51 PM
 
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I always called my SF by name, but his name is Dan, so it's really close to Dad - I always thought if his name had been "Charlie" or "Mike", I would have called him "dad"

My boys call DP "dad" - the oldest alternates between calling him "dad" or by name, as do I when referring to him (but usually refer to him as "daddy" with my youngest, whose been around him for most of his life and never knew his bio-f)
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#4 of 34 Old 05-17-2006, 10:57 PM
 
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My dss calls me "mom". He was 5 1/2 when I married his father and we let him choose what to call me. He stuck with my first name at first, and after a few months... it was "mom." He calls his bio-mom's PREVIOUS husband "dad" and still refers to him as his step-dad. I'm not sure if he calls her current live-in partner "dad". He has always referred to him by his name in our presence. I think the child should just choose what to call their parents partner. I don't see the choice of name as a big deal, unless you make it one (or unless the child has a not-so-nice name they're calling someone!).
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#5 of 34 Old 05-18-2006, 12:54 PM
 
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I think it is best if they call step parents firstname or a cutsy name like maybe dad in another language if the bio parent is still in their life.

Even if the bio parent isn't in their life I think it is wise to avoid calling steps by bio names as the bios may well come back (if it has only been one or two years post divorce- many ncp disappear for a few years and then after they regroup return and become great ncp)

It is a set up for the kids and puts them in the middle of a battle with the bio parent and step parent battling over a name. Should the parents fight? NO...but they do and the kids is in the middle.
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#6 of 34 Old 05-21-2006, 02:01 PM
 
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right now the 15 month old calls him dadda. Thats really teh only word he knows lol But the older one will say he's his step daddy to people, call him Bryan or sometimes Daddy Bryan. If they choose to call him dad I will not tell them they can't as long as they know that they have a real dad as I have discussed with their father
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#7 of 34 Old 05-21-2006, 02:43 PM
 
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My DSDs call me mommy or mama, depending on the mood. When they're with us, they call their bio-mom "Susie Mommy" and when they're with her, they call me "Sarah Mommy" when talking about us. The female adult of the house though is mommy, no matter which house they're in. Their bio-mom doesn't have a problem with this. In fact, she's glad they feel so comfortable and loved in our home, and in my presence. I've been in their life since they were 3 and 18 months, respectively, and they've never called me their step-mom either to my face or to another person. They just let people assume I'm their mom, because I am...the step part can just be left off.

I'm so lucky to have such wonderful kids!

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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#8 of 34 Old 05-22-2006, 05:53 PM
 
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We are mom and Daddy, dada, and Dad. Bio dad being Dad. They started off calling him Kippy as his name is Kip. Not sure what Bio thinks of it, as he has heard them call Kip Daddy. But then, he has step kids that call him dad.


My DD calls her step dad her eveyday dad, and her bio her sometimes dad. Personally that makes me more sad that anything.
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#9 of 34 Old 05-23-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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My youngest calls DH daddy or Daddy Axxx. The older kids call him by his first name, but will respond to him if the little one says "GO see daddy" etc. Recently at a school function, my oldest, who is 10 introduced DH as his dad to his classmates. No prompting on our parts. DH is the only "dad" in the picture right now as bio dad took off without a word almost a year ago. We have made it clear to the kiddos that DH is their step dad, but loves them just the same as his DD and that they can call him whatever they are comfy with. But I will admit DH was grinning from ear to ear when DS introduced him as dad. He loves them so darn much.

As for my Dsd, she calls me by my name and sometimes Mama Nxxxx. Again, it is all up to her.
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#10 of 34 Old 05-23-2006, 11:58 AM
 
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My 12 yo ds calls my dh of 7 years dad, he always has, but is all he remembers, as he has never met or known his bio dad.
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#11 of 34 Old 05-23-2006, 12:02 PM
 
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First name. It's a violation of standard custody and visitation agreements to use any variation of "dad" or "mom".
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#12 of 34 Old 05-23-2006, 01:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liawbh
First name. It's a violation of standard custody and visitation agreements to use any variation of "dad" or "mom".
Really? I've never known anyone who had this issue addressed in a custody/visitation agreement. And believe me, if the kids' bio-mom had thought it was possible, she would have insisted it be in there.

Hell, she tried to insist the agreement stipulate that there would be no overnight visitation as long as there was an unrelated female (me) living in the house.
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#13 of 34 Old 05-23-2006, 01:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djs_girl517
Really? I've never known anyone who had this issue addressed in a custody/visitation agreement. And believe me, if the kids' bio-mom had thought it was possible, she would have insisted it be in there.

Hell, she tried to insist the agreement stipulate that there would be no overnight visitation as long as there was an unrelated female (me) living in the house.
It is even codefied in many state's family law. It can be considered as a part of a pattern of parental alienation if a bio parent is encouraging a child to call step parent by the title mom or dad and/or refering to the other bio parent to the child as "firstname" or requiring a child to call their other bio parent by their first name instead of the title mom or dad.

btw a few states will allow that rule (not related opposite sex sleepovers) to be in a custody agreement.
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#14 of 34 Old 05-23-2006, 04:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyMine
refering to the other bio parent to the child as "firstname" or requiring a child to call their other bio parent by their first name instead of the title mom or dad.
That's interesting. My kids have started reffering to the X as Pxxx. They still call him dad sometimes (and the baby sometimes uses Daddy Pxxx), but I have noticed that more and more they refer to him by his first name. I do not encourage this, but I do not correct them either. (They are still dealing with him moving last year without so much as a goodbye over the phone. He also refuses to return their phone calls to this day.)
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#15 of 34 Old 05-24-2006, 01:00 PM
 
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My older boys call my DH "S-Dad", with "S" standing for Stephen, Step, Super... whatever fits. They also use his first name if desired. The boys initially called DH by his first name only until we conceived boy #3. At that time, we decided that we ought to use the "S-Dad" moniker so that there would be more uniformity for the baby's sake. Bio dad is known as "Daddy".

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#16 of 34 Old 05-26-2006, 03:31 PM
 
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My stepdaughter calls me Cassidy, and has since we met when she was 3. "Mom" would feel weird for both of us as well as for her mom, I think. We have joint custody, she's with us ~4 days a week and her mom the rest of the time.
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#17 of 34 Old 05-28-2006, 12:00 PM
 
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When I was four my mom married a man that I called "dad". 8 yrs later they divorced and shortly after that she married another man that I called by his first name.

My fiance's step kids (2 of 3 live with us, it's a long story) call him by his first name even though one of them is adopted by my dp.
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#18 of 34 Old 06-01-2006, 10:43 PM
 
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Ready for a long one? LOL

Dd's bio-dad has only in the past couple years become really consistent in being in her life (she's nearly 7) and dh and I married when she was 13 mos old. She calls dh "Daddy" and bio dad Dad when she's talking to him, and Dad Ryan when talking about him. Dh and ex are both perfectly fine with this. She calls her stepmom by her first name, but she also will say "I have 2 moms, one called Mommy and one called Melanie" which I think is cool. I'm SO glad she loves and respects her step-mom, but I'm greedy about the offical "Mommy" title. :

My mom has legal custody of my birth son, and has since before he turned 2. Not exactly a step-family, but... he calls her Mom, and me Mommy, my dh by his first name or "my step dad" and his bio dad Dad and first name pretty equally.

Dh considers his stepfather to be his "real" dad (bio dad was very abusive), but calls him by his first name or "Pa" since his s-dad didn't marry his mom until dh was around 10ish, and it seems harder to switch at that age, kwim?

My dad's longtime girlfriend is Barb. All of us call her that, including the kids, but she's cool with it, because she likes to be thought of as young, so "Grandma" doesn't suit her. LOL
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#19 of 34 Old 06-03-2006, 11:38 PM
 
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called by name here.
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#20 of 34 Old 06-05-2006, 11:07 AM
 
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Bio-dad is Papa. My boys often call me by my name and the almost always call dh by his name, only occasionally they call him dad.

But when they are talking to someone else the call him dad almost all the time.

Bio-dad shows up about once a year for a weekend and if he has noticed or it bothers him he hasn't said anything, but I think that the Papa/Dad difference makes it less of an issue.
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#21 of 34 Old 06-07-2006, 02:30 AM
 
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my kids call their step dad by name. my step kids call me mom. we are letting the kids decide what they want to call us and so far this is what we have working for us.

i always called/call my step dad DAD.
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#22 of 34 Old 06-07-2006, 02:46 AM
 
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My daughter calls me Mama, and calls her step mother Mommy. (Mama has always been my "title"... "mommy" has always given me the creeps for some reason. )

She calls her bio father Da-da (she's almost 8 and still calls him that. much to his embarrassment.) And she calls my husband, (her step-father) Daddy.

She would not have called her step mother Mommy by choice however. She wanted to call her by her first name, but my exhusband forced her to call her that. He threatened to not take her to Disneyworld when he went, etc... And he did try to get her to call me by my first name. : Not happenin.

Its taken a few years to get used to all of it. And realize its just a word. She doesn't love me any less, or love her "more".

It works for us now.

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#23 of 34 Old 06-08-2006, 01:56 PM
 
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My SD just turned 8 a couple of weeks ago. I've been in her life since she was 10 months old, but we never prompted her to call me mommy or mom or whatever. We just let nature take it's course and she's always called me Michelle. To her school and friends though she always addresses me as her "stepmommy".
Her biomom MADE the kids start calling their now stepdad "daddy", just a month or so after starting to date him. What was a worry for us was that biomom went through guys quickly, fortunately for the kids they married and are still together. I'm sure it was much harder on my SD's older brother because he called more than a few men "daddy".

I was raised by my stepdad, but always called him by name until just a couple of years ago. My biodad was really no where in the picture as I grew up. I know call my stepdad "dad" because he was the man that raised me and I have such a deep appreciation for him.

Mama to DS (5/13/02) and DD (7/13/10)
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#24 of 34 Old 06-09-2006, 09:24 AM
 
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My stepkids call me Umi- it's arabic for mother. They asked if they could call me mama when the new baby comes along-I guess they don't want to be left out of anything and I told them, no you have a real mother and should stick to calling her that. I'm just fine with Umi. Now I would like for someone to call me mom, so that will be the new baby's place, but I don't try to make them feel left out. It's just a day in the life of a stepfamily.
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#25 of 34 Old 06-09-2006, 10:44 AM
 
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The step-kids call the step-parents by first name in our family. My ex-husband's wife would like my children to call her mommy but luckily, they weren't keen on that. I'd hate that.
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#26 of 34 Old 06-10-2006, 12:17 AM
 
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I have been with Jeff for 2 1/2 years and the girls call him Daddy, or Daddy Jeff. Their bio-father knows and doesn't really like it, but he understands because my son calls him dad even though that isn't his bio-dad. He just says that as long as the kids aren't FORCED to call Jeff dad then he is alright with it. When they are home they refer to Jeff as Daddy and there bio-dad as "Father" or "Daddy Hank" Collyn just calls him Jeff and that is perfectly alright. He was already 8 when we got together so, it is understandable.

Hunter who is Jeff's son used to call me "mama" but we haven't seen him in 18 months due to some crap that his bio-mother pulled. I am trying to convince Jeff to try and get him vack, but he doesn't want Hunter to have to see his mom and dad fight over him, and be tramuatized, so for awhile he is just stepping out of the picture.

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#27 of 34 Old 06-10-2006, 07:27 PM
 
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I am referred by DSD as Brendy or stepmom or Brenda but not mom. My DH and I decided to allow her to pick and she has
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#28 of 34 Old 06-24-2006, 10:10 PM
 
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well my 3 kids call mike by his name. 2 of my step kids call me by my name but the youngest calls me mom because her mom died right after she was born so she does not know anyone but me as mom.
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#29 of 34 Old 07-07-2006, 01:02 PM
 
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My ds's biodad hasn't been very much in the picture until now. DS calls my BIL (whom I live with) "dada" because that is what he hears my niece call him. I have always called my SO by his first name to ds, but after an afternoon with his biodad whispering "daddy" in his ear over and over, ds came home and immediately started calling my SO "Daddy" I've tried not to encourage it, I really have. I continue to call SO by his first name without making a big deal about it, but ds is insistant on using "daddy."

I'm still trying to decide what the best course of action is for this...

Basically, my ds has a mommy (me), a mama (my sister) a dada (BIL), and two daddies (biodad and SO). :

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#30 of 34 Old 07-09-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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My children call my DH (their stepfather) by his first name. My daughter often calls him "Papa`" which is Italian for dad. My husband is italian.
His daughter calls me "TamTam" which she is the only one who calls me that. She has since she was small. So that is "her"name for me. It's special to me because that's "our name" .

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