Hi, this is a long story so beware.
I know a women and have been close with her for over a year. This women lets call her A is a step mom to three kids. I made friends with her and found out that like my own mother she was raising three stepkids fulltime. It was cool for me to see that, I was the youngest of five kids my eldest siblings were my half siblings. So A and I made fast friends she had kids my childrens ages and we got together often. I found out that HER eldest daughter was her husbands stepchild and their youngest was the only one they shared.I started seeing issues with her stepkids. They would try to talk to their stepmom and she would yell and be very harsh with them sometimes sending them to their rooms for the whole day.
The children at the begining were 16, 12 and 11 the youngest being a girl. The two parents had both of their ex's gone for good, A's ex left and her husbands ex was a drug addict and not allowed to see the kids. A demanded that her husband treat her child as his own but has confided in me how she hates her step kids and wishes they weren't around so they could afford to have more children from her own womb.
I have been quiet, I respected her right to react to her situation untill a little while ago. I watched the eldest son move fromt he house because he was told time and again how he wasn't allowed to use their tv or computer and was treated like a border. He saw A have her younger brother in the house and be allowed to use the computer he saw A pay her brothers phone bills while this 16 year old had to buy his own laundry soap. I understood his leaving.
Then came the second son, he was told that he was horrible and she hated to have him in the room. He was sent to restbit care because she said she couldn't be around him full time without going nuts. She has PPD so restbit was given. He is now in Fostercare and she has said she will not have him back in her home because he isn't her child and she doesn't have to put up with his antics. I stayed quiet as she complained and try to support her trying to sneak in some of my own opinions.
Then came the little girl. The little girl is told daily that no one wants to be her friend. she is told her teachers call her stepmom and tell her how bad the little girl is. I have children in the same school and we all love this little girl. The little girl is verbaly abused in my mind, she is torn down daily behind her fathers back. We were at dinner one night and she told her daughter she wasn't allowed to go to the washroom! The little 11 year old had taken the younger kids tot he bathroom for us as we ate and so later when the 11 year old said she has to pee her stepmom yelled and threw a fit about how she should have gone when she took the younger kids. The little girl had to sit with her full bladder for half an hour as her stepmom just glarred at her and told her about how not going when the kids went showed how she was manipulative and sneaky*HUH?*Her father has little knowedge of what is happening.
So I did something drastic. I called the husband and asked him what he wanted me to do. I told him I was upset by what I saw and was ready to walk away from the relationship but was conflicted because he and I HAD been bestfriends. he asked me to call his wife and talk to her because he too had been upset on how things were going. He told me that he was being told that he was wrong by his wife and her family and needed someone to share their feelings to help his daughter. So I called her. I was calm and tried to be understanding I even told her how I had felt unwanted as a child and how it effected me. she told me I was projecting my past onto her and her children are not at all like me as a kid. This women lost it and told me I didn't understand. I was told that the children deserved the harshness and more. She said that she didn't marry the kids and owed them nothing. I tried to reason with her and tell her how no child can be called bad they all need a chance to grow. I also said how when you marry a man with children if you find you can't be around his children then you leave the man in my mind and not drive the children fromt he home. I was hung up on. Needless to say the friendship is over . I am left shocked that anyone could feel this way towards a child.
Our babysitter is friends with the little girl and when she found out I had talked to A about her actions she confided in my what the little girl had told her. the little girl told her friend that she was told daily that the baby isn't as much her sister as she is A's other daughters sister. She is told that she is bad like her mom and other vile things.
I called DCFS. It was nasty but I felt I had no choice because A is set in her mind that these children are bad and won't give them a chance. I asked that they go and talk to the girl soon because A was planning on homeschooling the girl and that meant the little girl couldn't confide in teachers or anyone she will be cut off for any kindness.
I come from a blended family and I have two children from a previous relationship that my husband has taken in as his own. This whole thing to me seems grose. What are your thoughts? Was I right to call and I not understanding this? My thoughts are if you marry someone with kids you HAVE to give the children the same amount of kindness you give the ones from your own body. I am getting emails and IM telling me how she feels I have issues and how I shouldn't attack people when I don't understand what they are going through. I didn't mean for my words to be an attack but rather a point of view from a friend and someone who does understand a bit about being a kid in a blended family and a kid that was disliked by my parents. It hurts me that she is saying this, I meant well and I thought talking to her about my feelings honored our friendship rather then just leaving her quietly and calling DCFS.I know this is her PPD but her words are nasty seeing as her and I have been so close for so long.