preteen girls clothing choices and dh's reaction - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-30-2006, 09:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Background: Dh and I have been together for 4 years, my girls are 9 and 10.

This morning the girls were getting ready to go to school, R (10) put on a short skirt with shorts attached underneath, she has a cheerleading class for the last 2 weeks of school. Dh said "did you see her skirt, it's way too short", I replied "it has shorts underneath" He said "If you saw someother kid wearing that you would say something like 'I would never let my kids wear that, she looks like a hooch'", Then when I questioned him he said that he was trying to give constructive critism, and knows that consistency is one of my 'things' and I was not being consistent. : Suffice it to say our discussion elevated to an argument and degraded to "I'll just keep my mouth shut about your kids, since I'm always out of line". Needless to say I'm mad that he would at like a kid and basically clam up rather than talk it through. He did admit after the fact that he had no idea there were shorts under it, but the whole ordeal has left me with a f*uck off taste in my mouth. Also, we are both cranky as we haven't been getting much sleep admittedly (we have an 8mo) and we are both quick on the trigger.

Can anyone give me some insight? If his critism had been constructive it wouldn't have been a problem, but in my eyes it was not. How would you handle it?
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Old 05-31-2006, 12:33 AM
 
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My advice is to listen instead of rushing to defend your child and parenting choice.

His points seem no big deal if you hadn't reacted to them-just saying "wow that is a short skirt" and "I thought you were against that" and also he is telling you something as a man- that the fact that there are shorts doesn't decrease the sex appeal of the outfit.

So my advice is to try to just listen to his input.

If he was here and telling me that his wife reacted negativly to his input I would advise him to temper his words (not hoochie mama when talking about someone's daughter!) but that if she continued to react to stop giving input. That is really his only option is to clam up. It is something he should do to protect your union. Your marriage after all should be more important to him than how your raise your kids. Your kids have you to look after them. And of course if you don't welcome his input it is for not that he puts his and your relationship into jepordy to give input on your girls- you get it?

I think what I say to myself is "is my partner on my team with my and my kid's best interest at heart?" if yes then I listen.

We have had times when I felt my dh was all about critisizm and and the we fought over every little thing- but really the big issue was I felt my dh was over critical of my kid and didn't judge his kids the same way. When we talked about THAT issue the rest of the issues went away.
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Old 05-31-2006, 04:14 AM
 
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The way he said it is the way he'd say it about someone else's child: and I think that's what put the nasty taste in your mouth- that plus the name calling. If he'd asked why she was going out wearing the baby's clothes and played dumb, then your daughter would have had the chance to reevaluate, and decide if she wanted to take something more modest to put on after class.
Let it go. He handled it badly, but it's over- if you let it.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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Old 05-31-2006, 10:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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After he had a while to cool off he apologized for the way he put his thoughts into words. Yes I do value his input, but I do not like him calling my judgement as a mother into question over something as innane as a skort. He is new at being a Dad and step Dad, before the girls and I he had 0 experience with any kids, so there are some things I admittedly need to cut him some slack on. Thanks for the input ladies.
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