Help with 10 year old step daughter... - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-15-2006, 02:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am new to this forum and am looking for advice. My 10 year old step daughter is really pushing my buttons. We will be sitting there and she is looking at something, say the cat drinking, and she says "is the cat drinking?"

and I/we ask "what do you think" she does this all day like she needs reassurance constantly. it gets old. when we ask her to stop it only lasts for maybe 10-15 minutes and she is asking another obvious question.

Any suggestions?
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Old 07-19-2006, 09:17 AM
 
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Have you asked her why she does it?

Does she think she's being funny?
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Old 07-19-2006, 11:27 AM
 
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My bf has a 13 year old daughter, and she has recently fallen into the annoying/cranky/bored/sullen/annoying routine. Your step daughter's behavior sounds like she is bored. Is there some sort of project you can get her involved in? Or start a conversation with her about something. It sounds like she's looking for a connection. If she persists with the behavior, rather than engaging in it with her, which just encourages it, you could just reply with a "hmm", or "yeah" and then ask her about something else.
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Old 07-20-2006, 10:28 AM
 
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my post got eaten.

Maybe she is craving attention. I'd answer her, but turn it into a conversation--ie., "yes, the cat is drinking water. She drinks so much water that I fill her bowl three times a day. Do you like to drink water? How much water do you think that you drink a day? Would you like to fill the water bowl next time?"

that or have her eyeschecked.
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Old 07-20-2006, 12:59 PM
 
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it sounds like she is maybe trying to start a conversation but just isn't very good at it. perhaps be more poactive in starting conversations with her. this will not only meet her need but help her improve those skills.

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Old 07-20-2006, 03:36 PM
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you know my 10 yr old daughter kind of does the same thing at times tho not all day long??? I think sometimes her mouth reacts quicker than her brain and I figure she will just sort of grow out of it. she has been somewhat sheltered from bad experiences so she just sounds kind of "young" to me at times, which hey at 10 she is still. Now if your 10 yr old sd does this all day long than it does sound like she is craving some conversation or just trying to figure out how to feel close to you/ the family and is doing it in somewhat of a "young/ immature" way. Like she is trying to engage but not in a very interesting way. my dd has 3 step brothers that love to react back kind of the way you do "what do you think?", which personally might sound a little snappy, but you know what she doesnt do it as much. The world outside of the home can be cruel, you cant baby them too much. but maybe engaging her more sprinkled with that honesty will help?
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Old 08-05-2006, 06:05 PM
 
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that sounds sorta like my DSS (he's 9) and he does stuff like that alllllll the time. i'm rather positive he does it for attention (like he interrupts conversations for attention too)

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Old 08-07-2006, 09:10 AM
 
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Hey I hate being so blunt here but if that's all the problem you have I'll switch with you. Just engage her in conversation.
I need some help with my 9 year old step daughter. She is nearly 10. My husband and I have have been married a little over 2 years now. I was introduced to his children over 3 years ago. He has 2 other children who have accepted me with very little issues. This little girl however does all she can to push my buttons. For example telling me to shut up, ignoring what I say and completely disobeying me. When her father is home I let him handle the discipline issues but when he is not I am the one in charge. She refuses to obey anything I say and completely ignores me. The other day in the car she closes the vents on her side of the car and then turns the AC off completely(it's 90+ outside). I asked her why she did that and she says I'm cold and said well your brother and I will get hot. She says he likes it hot to. I said well I don't . She says so what. I said well I'm turning it back on your vents are closed so it's not blowing on you. She looks at me and says I don't want it on I said well this is my car and I do. Her brother says nothing the whole time. Also at the house she yells and screams at me and I tell her you will not talk to me that way in my own house she says this is Daddy's house. I said no darling this is mine and Daddy's house and you will not speak to me that way in my home. I frankly told her she was very abusive to me and she is constantly telling lies. She kicks and fights with her brother and is just generally cruel and uncaring. Her mother has given her a cell phone and she is constantly calling her and telling her terrible lies. For example I grabbed her arm and left marks and I swing my fists at her. I have done none of this I did however flat out call her a liar and told her I did not like her personality one bit but I did none of this until she started behaving this way. I have always treated her with kindness and respect. I feel she does not have the right to treat me this way. I tell her father about it and we have family meetings to discuss the issues. She told her Mom that Dad always took my side but the truth is he asks his son what is the truth before ever talking with his daughter about her behaviour. These children are twins by the way. Anyway her brother tells my husband that his sister yells and hollers at me and is very bad. He has told his Dad about the treatment she lays on him too. When we returned the kids yesterday their mother started an argument right in front of them. She told my husband basically he should get rid of me because his daughter did not like me. She complained about him not believeing the child over me and he let her know that his daughter had lied so much that he tends to believe me and her brother over her. She goes she's your daughter and she has a problem and you believe your wife over your own child. My husband goes well what my wife says is confirmed by my son so who should I believe? And she goes your daughter.....that made no sense to me since by saying he should believe the daughter he should assume her twin brother is telling lies on her. Made no sense to me at all. I fear when she is older she will strike out and start hitting me that is how aggressive she is and with her mother defending this behaviour I don't know what to do. My husband has talked to her numerous times about this behaviour nothing works. I'm at my wits end. I'm thinking about packing myself and my son up and just leaving. Any help you can give will be appreciated.
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