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Originally Posted by dukeswalker
He does know how much this is hurting ds. But he tried to blame it on "that's just the relationship we have" - but its not ds - it's dh....DS is one of the most caring affectionate kids around. The ONLY relationship that he has that is like this is the one with dh. I think, ultimately, dh doen't know how to mend it. He has NEVER been one to be good with showing his feelings, tlaking about them, etc....
Originally Posted by Canadianmommax3
please do something! I grew up with a stepmother who made it quite obvious (to me) that she didn't really like me and it was so obvious her feeling towards her and my fathers children!
Do you know what it's like to have your own mother not want you and a stepmother who doesn't like you and a father who didn't stick up for you?
Not trying to make you feel bad but it has affected my life till this day. I am the most insecure person and my dh can attest to that!
Originally Posted by bczmama
I think one of the major problems here is that when your son was young, you wanted to believe that/act like your husband was his father, and you encouraged your son to think of your husband as his father. Well, he's not.
If the boundaries of a "step" relationship had been maintained I think your son would have an easier time negotiating his differences with your husband because both your husband's and, more importantly, your son's expectations of the relationship would be different. I would suggest you look at re-drawing the relationship more around the "step-parent" lines and see if you can make it more healthy. In fact, by having only you disciplining your child I think you're making a great move in that direction already. I wish I had more good suggestions on how to do that -- but maybe someone else here does. Does your son have any relationships with his dad's side of the family (paternal grandparents, etc.) that you could deepen/encourage?
Originally Posted by woobysma
I'm having issues with my almost 9 year old because it seems like our relationship is changing and I don't quite know how to respond to it. That could be what's going on with your DH and DS. I know I catch myself "favoring" my younger son. Is it because I love him more? NO
Is it because I prefer squishy giggly toddlers over surley preteens who mouth off and say you're making their life miserable because you asked them to wash their hair...... maybe
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