OK, my boys are away for the week: Saturday to Friday. Sunday morning ds2 was taken into hospital, fwex coped very well, I hated him a little less. Sunday evening ds2 was let out of hospital, fwex still doing well, me still not hating. Ditto Monday and Tuesday.
Wednesday, yesterday, I was at work when they rang to talk to me and to arrange the return handover. I rang back when I'd got in to find that all hell was breaking loose. Apparently ds1 had deliberately, and for no reason, wet himself that morning and had been rude and surly ever since. His attitude, generally, had left a lot to be desired on Tuesday and Monday as well.
Now, whilst I haven't explicitly told Alex any of this (and I'm trying very hard not to) I already had a lot of reasons to dislike his dad and his new stepmum. In particular, the ridiculous financial settlement (he gives his children 50GBP per month: to put this in perspective, this is half what the government pays me to raise them. That's between them, not each) and makes this conditional upon me transporting them half way to access visits. That's 60 GBP per visit. CSA are on his back now about it and will be removing money from his wages in the long run, but that just offends me.
PLUS when this unsatisfactory arrangement was drawn up, I received an extremely offensive email from the new stepmum accusing me of taking fwex's money from their family for my own. Erm, yeah. I am, and I don't have a problem with this.
Plus, of course, the fact that he's a physically and emotionally abusive piece of dog turd who broke my heart and a number of geographically remote bones and left me totally unable to cope for a while. Again, Alex remembers some but not all of this. He remembers being smacked.
And believing that he wouldn't come back to me after a weekend with his dad.
So, over the course of this week my guys have told me that they've watched their s/sisters dance class, karate class and went swimming whilst she had a swimming lesson. Now you don't have to be gifted at maths to figure out that this takes money, which daddy isn't giving us, and we don't have a lot of. If I were a bright 7yo, this would upset me. Plus s/mum thinks he has aspergers (I told his class teachers this and they laughed. No indicators at all, he's just a stroppy little lad when he wants to be.) Plus daddy isn't taking time off work when they're there at all, and his one day off this week is being spent shopping for birthday presents for s/mum. Words fail me. I think if I were a bright, ferengi 7yo I would be livid.
I can't stop access entirely, but I can stop enabling access (by driving the boys anywhere) and as we're moving, I can choose to not pass along the address, should I choose. Or I can just continue to suck it up (hate that phrase, but in this context it's appropriate) and act like his doormat.
Right now, I seriously hate him. But nowhere near as much as I hate her.
Please, if you've got this far,tell me what I do next.