Should we have a happy thread? What we love about being a step-parent. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 53 Old 07-27-2006, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This thread is for those things that we love about being a step-mom, heart-mom, belle-mere (french for step-mom and my favorite) or super-duper girlfriend to a dad, or what we love about the dear children. Then on those days when maybe we forget why we love it, we can read this and remember.
(And if we can get this going, I'll pm the mod and maybe we have have our very own sticky!)

I'll start.

I love that she chose me to take her bra shopping.

I love that she copies things that I do.

I love that she wants to know about me when I was younger.

I love that her dad trusts me enough to drive her places.

I love that she opened up a whole part of my heart that I never knew was there.

I love that I love her even though I didn't give birth to her, and that she loves me, too.

I love that it breaks my heart to have her leave, since that means that I am happy when she is here.

I love how her dad refers to us as a "family", even though I don't live with them.

I love remembering how it felt the first time she rested her head on my shoulder, or leaned into me, or collapsed exhausted on me after running around, or grabbed my arm when we went swimming, or took my hand, or smiled at me, or wanted to go somewhere with me, or laughed at something I said or asked my opinion of something or said she loved me.
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#2 of 53 Old 07-28-2006, 12:47 AM
 
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Aw, you're bringing tears to my eyes. :

I love that they write "mom" on cards/gifts even though they call me by my first name.

I love that they've taught me a whole new level of patience.

I love that they have completely different personalities from mine - and have taught me new ways to look at life.

I love that I got a "happy birthday from your daughter with love" card from my dsd.

That she picked me for the "most influential person" on her autobiography.

That they feel comfortable enough to come to me to ask, "can you help me make something for my mom for xmas?"

I love that when asked by someone which of your kids did you not give birth too?, I couldnt remember.

I love (and am honored) that during 9/11, when dss was freaked out at school, he had his dad pick him up then call me to tell him it was going to be okay. (we wouldnt believe it from anybody else)

I love that I have a large family (6 kids) but only had to give birth 3 times! Woo Hoo!

My dsd sucks at social studies like me.

My dss is teaching me to play soccer. And says I'm pretty good even though he's lying thru his teeth.

I love that raising our blended family has taught dh and me so much and strengthend our relationship.
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#3 of 53 Old 07-28-2006, 02:05 AM
 
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I love that dss asks my opinion.

I love that when I say "I love you" he says "I know".

I love that he wants me to watch him ride his bike every day.

I love that he asks me for things even when his dad is around.

I love that he comes to me when he wants to know if something his mother said was true or a lie and trusts me to tell him the truth.

I love how funny he is.

I love his sensitivity to what is going on around him.

I love that he calls me mom.
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#4 of 53 Old 07-28-2006, 11:29 AM
 
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I love that they chose to call me "mommy" because "you're more than just Sarah."

I love that when I say, "I love you." DSD1 says, "I love you more."

I love that when we go out in public and people tell us how much the girls look like me, they smile and nod and say, "thank you."

I love that they tell complete strangers they are so lucky to have a "'nother mommy."

I love that even if DH is around, they come to me for help.

I love that they beg me to braid their hair, because I'm the only one who can.

I love that they trust me to help them make gifts for biomom.

I love that DSD2 can't understand why she didn't get any physical traits from me, and keeps forgetting, telling people that she has my nose and hair.

I love that every time I pick them up, they come running at me, screaming, "MOMMY!"

I love that even if biomom is around, they still call me mommy.

I love that I'll soon have 4 kids, but will only have had to go through labor twice.

I love that when I tuck them in at night and they say their prayers, their first prayer is "God bless mommy, God bless daddy..." and I'm the mommy they're talking about.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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#5 of 53 Old 07-28-2006, 07:32 PM
 
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This thread is awesome!! There are soooo many things I love, here's a quick few... calling me her other mom, being ecstatic about getting a little sister and NOT seeing her as a half sister, wanting to spend time with me no matter what we're doing, cooking in the kitchen together, asking me for help with her homework, reading me stories at bedtime, snuggling with DH, the baby and I in the mornings, and the one that means the most I think, talking to me about EVERYTHING.
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#6 of 53 Old 07-28-2006, 08:30 PM
 
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I'm not a stepmom - but I loved reading your lists!!! What lucky kids you have - all of them!

Mrs. S - Crunchy child of The King, Wife to my best friend, and Mama to my many blessings.

 
 
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#7 of 53 Old 07-31-2006, 02:11 PM
 
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I think it's really wonderful that someone started this thread. I feel happy for all of you that you have managed to create such strong families.
And I'm really jealous. I am having such a hard time being a stepmom, even though I'm really trying my best.
That of course is for another thread...
But I'm wondering if any of you can recommend any books to read on being a stepmom and/or on making blended families work. Or if you can offer any strategies for how you've reached the situations you've described above.
Thanks.
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#8 of 53 Old 07-31-2006, 03:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atristin
I think it's really wonderful that someone started this thread. I feel happy for all of you that you have managed to create such strong families.
And I'm really jealous. I am having such a hard time being a stepmom, even though I'm really trying my best.
That of course is for another thread...
But I'm wondering if any of you can recommend any books to read on being a stepmom and/or on making blended families work. Or if you can offer any strategies for how you've reached the situations you've described above.
Thanks.
To keep this as our "happy thread", can we start a new thread for resources/questions?
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#9 of 53 Old 08-07-2006, 06:35 PM
 
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This thread is great! Here are my 2 cents:

I love that she tells me things and asks me to pinky swear no to tell anyone

I love that she looks at me and we know what we are thinking about

I love when she is upset and wants only me (but hate it thats she's upset)

I loved it when she asked me to teach her how to read

I love it now when she reads me stories

I love it that Harry Potter, jewelry making, scrapbooking, camping, and so much more is "our thing"

I love it that she gets excited to see me when I pick her up from school

I could go on and on, I just love being a stepmomma!
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#10 of 53 Old 08-17-2006, 01:31 AM
 
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Technically I am a SM, but I feel more like SSs real mama. (I won't be a SM much longer as I am adopting SS, details in my blog if your curious).

I loved when I became "mommy" instead of "Heather".

I love it when he makes mother's day gifts at school and does not hesitate to give the only one he made to me.

I love being there for him whenever he needs me and being his shoulder to cry on.

I love overhearing when I hear him telling his teacher that I am "his real mom", but he has another mom in another state that gave birth to him.

I love that biology chose who is his BM, but HE chose to make me his mommy.

I remember how hard it was when we first brought SS into our home and how angry he was for so long. It's amazing to look back now and see what an amazing boy he has become and know that I played a huge part in that molding, its almost more satisfying than DS turning out well because with SS I had to undo bad parenting and reteach him how to be the child he is today.

Thank you for this thread, SPing is SOOOOO hard and its nice to think about how wonderful it can be!

Heather: Mama to my amazing boys A-14.5, C-13, & M-5.5, and my sweet girl S-2.5 and introducing our little surprise Liam Michael, born 12/28!
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#11 of 53 Old 08-17-2006, 01:43 AM
 
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I love this thread! I can only hope my boys get a stepmom as great as you ladies! they need a good stepmom to make up for their dad's lack. keep up the great work ladies!

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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#12 of 53 Old 08-17-2006, 02:50 AM
 
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C is my DP's ex's daughter from after their relationship. They were joking about what he was, and he said "Well I'm your stepfather." She turned to me and said "Hey, if he's my stepfather, that means you're going to be my stepmother! Yay!"

I love that DSD insisted on being the flower girl at our upcoming wedding.

I love that DSS has been spending more nights here, and it's much more comfy with the three of us lately. When we had started thinking he'd lost interest in sleeping here.

I love that when DSS is over, and DP is being a pain, DSS looks at me and laughs.

I love that when we first got together, and DSD (C) was 8, we were always holding hands... and she would run up to us and hold hands with us all the time

I love that I can hang out with kids for a few hours, and then go home to silence and grownup talk!

I love that all the profound parenting issues aren't my responsibility, yet.

I love being protective of them, and giving DP (mostly cultural) advice and perspective.

I love hanging out with their mom and having an instant family.

I just all around love being a Smom, and love having Skids.
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#13 of 53 Old 09-10-2006, 09:29 PM
 
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I don't know how long you have been working at being a step-mom, but do not give up. I am the step-mother to a 13 yo young woman and have been since she was 5. It had been very difficult for a long time, but we have suddenly and unexpectedly had a wonderful breakthrough. We now have become friends - the only advice I can give is this - just stick with it, always take the higher ground. Give everything you can, and if you need to scream, do it behind closed doors or talk to friends and vent - and eventually, your step child will come around. I have really tried to also let her father be the disciplinarian. One more suggestion - I asked my step daughter what she would like me to call her. For years she asked me to call her my step-daughter when introducing her. At 13 - she now says - "just say my Mom - it's easier" : )
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#14 of 53 Old 09-14-2006, 08:58 PM
 
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I've really enjoyed watching my stepchildren grow into adults over the years. I especially like my stepsons' company when they visit (they are both in uni). I like that they like to be around me and talk to me and laugh with me. I love the way our relationship has grown and changed and morphed into mutual respect and admiration. I like to see how attached they are to their half-sis (my daughter with their dad). They love her so completely and wonderfully. It's a joy to see. They are all neat people.
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#15 of 53 Old 03-20-2008, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I love that I get to watch her grow into a lovely and talented young woman.

I love that my heart is getting stretched beyond any bounds it has ever known (even if that smarts sometimes.)

I love that she loves me.
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#16 of 53 Old 03-20-2008, 10:05 PM
 
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I love when DSD says she loves me.

I love when I pick her up from daycare and she comes running with a big smile telling all her friends that her Jen is there to get her.

I love the way she comes and sits on my lap and snuggles into my shoulder.

I love the way she asks me to come talk to her Mommy and is all excited to see us talking. I love being able to reassure her.

I love everything she has taught me about being a Mama.

I love how much I love her and even how emotional it gets me.

I love knowing I am able to love her as much as I do even though I did not give birth to her.

I love that she taught me that I can push myself and I can be a good Mama, even if I have some physical limitations due to my fibromyalgia.

I love that she has learned that I have some pain sometimes and if she accidently lands too hard on me and sees me wince she gives me a big hug and a kiss.

I love how she sometimes "protects" me from Daddy when we are playing around, and she wants us to gang up together and be the tickle monster to him.

I love this thread and the fact that I'm all misty eyed right now and that DSD is here tonight and I can go read and snuggle with her now.

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#17 of 53 Old 03-21-2008, 12:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fek&fuzz View Post
belle-mere (french for step-mom and my favorite)
That is awesome. Much better than the Spanish "madrastra" which just sounds like something big and mean to me!

I like that I can see myself in dss, in the way he talks and thinks. I like that we are partners in his schoolwork-- that NO ONE else is allowed to help him but me. That he loves my ds. That he cares about what I think about him. That he calls me "my mom" to other people. That when he was 4 he crawled in to my lap and asked if I'd be his "second mom." That he is very protective of me. That he thinks that if his dad and I got a divorce he'd get THREE Christmases (and maybe he would!).
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#18 of 53 Old 03-21-2008, 08:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I love that she loves the things I sew for her, and that when she empties out her big purse, all the little bags I've sewn her are in there.

I love when I see her doing things that I've done, or that I've taught her.
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#19 of 53 Old 03-21-2008, 09:20 AM
 
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I love how excited DSD gets when she finds out we do something the same way or like the same thing.

I love how she wants to wear her hair just like me and asks me to style it for her.

I love how she sits with me when I do my make-up and "puts on make-up" too with my clean powder brush. I love that we will get to really put on make-up one day together.

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#20 of 53 Old 03-21-2008, 04:33 PM
 
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I love that random people always say "she looks just like you!" because we both have short hair.

I love that when she enjoys something or does something like me that her mom tells me "she gets that from you".

I love that we have our own little routines that are just ours like grocery shopping, or her "helping" me with the laundry, or taking the dogs to the park.

I love that she is part of the family that I chose.

I love that I get to be one of her three parents.

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#21 of 53 Old 03-21-2008, 11:34 PM
 
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I love that my stepdaughter's Daddy trusts me with her.

I love that she copies things that I do.

I love that she wants to know about me when I was younger.

I love that I love her even though I didn't give birth to her, and that she loves me, too.

I love that it breaks my heart to have her leave, since that means that I am happy when she is here.

I love that they she comfortable enough to come to me to ask me to bring her to buy Christmas/birthday/Mother's Day gifts for her Mother and is comfortable enough to tell me all about her Mother and her other house (even though, in all honesty, I really don't want to hear a thing about it!).

I love that she asks me for advice and for my opinions.

I love that when we go out in public and people tell her how much the she looks like "your Mommy", thanks them and waits until they're out of earshot, and then gets this silly grin and whispers to me, "Did you hear what they called you? I TOLD you could be my Mommy, too!"

I love that she begs me to do certain things with her (french braids, love notes in her lunch, long bubblebaths), because no one else (read, her Mother) is willing or able to.

I love that she tells me EVERYTHING, including things she just will not tell her Daddy or her Mother.

I love that we know what eachother are thinking and can tell a "private joke" from across a room full of people who are completely oblivious of it.

I love that at our wedding, my stepdaughter (and my son) insisted that it was a family wedding, not just a wedding between me and my Hubby and insisted in playing a big part in it (as if we'd leave them out!).

I love that I get to watch her grow up.

I love that she loves me.

I love that, sometimes when we're all goofing off, there just naturally ends up beig a "Girl's Team" (me, my stepdaughter and the two dogs) and a "Boy's Team" (My Hubby, my son and my Father-in-Law).

I love that I can see myself in her, in the way he talks and thinks.

I love that when someone asks if I'm her Mom and her Mother and her Daddy aren't around, she just tells them, "Yes.".

I love that she wanted to make sure that if her Daddy and I ever divorced, that she'd spend weekends and holidays at my house, too.

I love when I see her doing things that I've done, or that I've taught her.

I love that we have our own little routines that are just ours.

I love that my her Dad trusts my opinion on big and small parenting issues.

I love that she can't understand why she can't have two Moms, how she doesn't understand why she can't call me Mommy, too, because "I'm her other Mommy".

I love that, when she's at our house and needs parental help or attention, she doesn't always only ask for her Daddy, she asks for her Krissy.

I love that she insists she's my daughter, as well as her Mother and Daddy's daughter, even when her Mother insists I am nothing.

I love that I sometimes forget that she's not my biological child.

I love that she tells me I'm skinny (even though we've taught her not to lie! ).

I love that she gets pissed off and rants about all the "Evil Stepmothers" in fairy tales, because she can't possibly imagine a real Evil Stepmother.

I love that she never wants to leave to go back to her Mother's house (not that I want her sad, but I'm glad she loves us and wants to be with us).

I love that, unless we're having a current issue with her Mother, we feel like a "real" family.

I love that I introduce my son and my stepdaughter as "my children" and I'm being completely honest, if only in my heart.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#22 of 53 Old 03-22-2008, 02:21 AM
 
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I love it when dsd has to work at 9 AM on a Sunday morning and I don't have to drive her. I get to keep drinking my coffee and read my paper. Guilt free.
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#23 of 53 Old 03-22-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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Great thread!
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#24 of 53 Old 03-31-2008, 09:59 PM
 
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Ok, I love that the kids are a blast to hang out with and they love to be here. I love that they give me an excuse to do fun kid things with them and be silly. I also love that when they go back home to their mother's house, DH and I get to be full-time grown-ups again and the house is quiet.

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#25 of 53 Old 04-01-2008, 09:58 AM
 
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I love that Dss recently put me on emergency call on his cell phone instead of his maternal grandmother. It shows that he trusts me to do the right thing for him. I love that we have the same sense of humor and can bond through laughter about silly things
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#26 of 53 Old 07-27-2008, 02:21 PM
 
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-bump-
All you happy step mamas out there, please keep an eye out for frustrated-stepmama threads. You have a lot of wisdom that can help others heal and become cohesive families
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#27 of 53 Old 07-27-2008, 02:59 PM
 
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It's too easy to loose sight of these things when we're frustrated. Thanks for starting this thread. So, I'm piping in after a really wonderful lunch with DH and DSS.

I love that they taught me to play football (and even pretend tackled me).

I love that the one who lives with us is super competitive, but I can still beat him bowling.

I love it that at his HS graduation, I was the one he wanted to take pics with (and not his bio!). (Yes, selfish, but it made me feel like the top of the world!)

I love his sense of humor.

I love that he tries to be wittier than me and giggles like a girl (yes, a 6 foot strapping young man) when I take him down.

I love it when he comes to sit at the edge of our bed to say goodnight.

I love it when he says thank you specifically to me.

I love it when he laughs at my jokes.

I love it when he hugs me just because.

I love it when he says he's having dinner with his family.

I loved that he was good at French in HS and we studied together.

I really love to watch him play baseball. He's awesome! And super fast!
Then I love to say that he gets his athletic ability from me. That always makes him laugh.

Thanks for the thread. It made me remember to have more measure of patience during the ugly 19 yo moments... He's a good guy. And he's let me in to his family too. :

Married to my best friend, expecting #1 6/09. Little angel came early- 4/10/09, 2lbs 5oz. Lilah Grace:
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#28 of 53 Old 07-27-2008, 03:33 PM
 
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I love that dss1 bought me chocholates with his allowance, just because.

I llove that dss2 is comfortable enough with me to walk around naked.

I love how much I see them love my dd, their sister.

This summer, dss1 made me a card, saying "thanks for all you've done this summer"

They love me. They don't really say it, but I know. Every time they smile at me, have patience with me, and help out, I see the love.

They like to help me cook. Dss1 is the Bacon Guy. Dss2 helps with everything else.

When I'm watching a tv show, dss2 will crawl, so he doesn't interupt me, no matter how many times I say, "you don't have to - just walk, it's ok!"

They love my cooking - could I say more?

My stepchildren didn't have a choice when I became their "Imma". I can only imagine how rough it was for them in the beginning, and even now sometimes. But their hearts are big enough to welcome me, to love me, to put up with me. We do the best we can. It took me a long time to be able to say "I'm so happy with MY family". But I can say it now, and I say it every day.
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#29 of 53 Old 07-28-2008, 02:42 PM
 
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I love that everytime she sees me reading a new book, DSD asks if she can read it when I'm done.

I love that DSS yells, "SARAH! Alton is coming on!" everytime he sits down to watch "Good Eats."

I love it when I see DD1 and DSS quietly consipiring with huge grins on their faces.

I love it when DSD lets DD2 brush her hair.

I love it when DSS asks me to play kick-ball with him.

I love it when DSD asks me to help her rearrange her room.

I love that every night at bedtime, all four kids beg me to sing the Goodbye Song from the Mickey Mouse Club TV Show ("Now it's time... to say goodbye... to all our company... M-I-C... See ya real soon! K-E-Y... Why? Because I love you!... M-O-U-S-E!") and then laugh uproariously at me when I do it.

I love it when DSD asks me to teach her how to bake something.

I love it when DSS asks to jump off my shoulders when we swim together.

I love it when I sit next to DSS or DSD and they nonchalantly move closer to me, but not close enough to make it obvious that they like it.

I love big, loud, raucous family dinners.

I love it when all four kids trip all over each other to be the first one to tell me about their day.

I love that I got to have the big family I'd always wished for, but only had to give birth twice!

+ = (4/97) & (1/99) & (8/99) & (2/01), with , the prettiest pup this side of the Mississippi.
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#30 of 53 Old 07-28-2008, 03:43 PM
 
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I can't believe I missed it last time *shrug*

What I love about step-parenting, is that...

* DSD made me into a better person, more patient, wiser, calmer.

* DSD made me into a better parent, my future kids owe her a big one.

* DSD didn't/doesn't have to love me or accept me. That's why I feel so that much more special when I notice that she does both, loves me and accepts me.

There. :

New endeavor coming soon...
Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
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