Dreading the School year - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-01-2006, 02:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, this is a very long story so I'll try to make it short. I have been married for 8years. My husband has two kids a girl that is 13 and a boy that is 11, we also have a 2yr old together. I have just had two misscarriages this year and am feeling very stressed already. My problem is that the 11yr old has a habit of causing major problems in school which in turn cause problems at home and I just don't feel I can deal with it any more. The B/M is in jail we havn't even heard from her in over a year, so no help. The kids have been at grandma's most of the summer, so I have had a break, but I know when he comes home he will be worse than ever because g-ma lets him do whatever he wants. The kid has gone as far as to ask his dad to choose between him and me (this was when I was 8 mo preg with my daughter) and then last year he told his teacher his dad was beating him (he did grab the back of his neck, but no beating). I just feel like I am done, I have nothing left in my to give. I have seriously thought about just leaving my husband, but it is not fair to him or my daughters. My step daughter is as good to me as a teenager will ever be, she realizes that I have been there for her when her mom wasn't ever. I just need some advise from people that understand because nobody around me does. Please help.
Tiffany

Tiffany wife of 11 yrs to Karl:, DSD Ariel (16) DSS Kaleb (13) DD Jessika (5) twins Drake and Olivia (2) :and our sweet suprise, Lola (11mo):: two angels Sammy(03/06) and Alex (07/06)
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#2 of 7 Old 08-01-2006, 04:51 AM
 
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Big hugs. Couldn't read and not say aything.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#3 of 7 Old 08-02-2006, 01:48 PM
 
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set up a meeting with the school before the school year starts. they may be able to help with an iep and some resources to help him deal with his issues. find somewhere that can provide both individual therapy and family therapy. stepfamily dynamics are crazy sometimes but it sounds like your ss is having a hard time w/ his bm being absent.

do you have consistent family rules and behavioral expectations? what about disciplinary consequences? consistency is the key. if you really cannot personally deal with it, then leave the discipline up to your dh. many stepparents leave the major discipline to the bio parents. try to remember that he's just a kid and he's hurting too. hugs.
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#4 of 7 Old 08-03-2006, 03:51 AM
 
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It sounds like the 11yo has a lot of issues within himself...could you have him attend counseling or something, and try to understand what the root cause of his problems are?
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#5 of 7 Old 08-03-2006, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We have done therapy and he just won't open up. We have made behavior modification with the diffrent dr and stuff that we would all come up with together would work for a while then it just wouldn't any more. For ex he told one dr that he didn't feel like he was rewarded enough so the plan we came up with was every day he didn't get in trouble he got $1 but when he did get in trouble he got a dollar taken away. When he saved up $25 (the amount was chosen by the 11yo) then he would be rewarded by going to the store to spend his $. The problem with this is he only got to a max of $3 and within three week didn't even try to maintain the $3. When it got to the point he had no money and he was going to get grounded he said that he didn't want to use that system anymore and that he never wanted to we came up with it and made him do it. We have thought about sending him to a psych center but it is hard to get in. He has done stuff in the past like take a knife to his older sister and say he was going to kill himself or run away, but that's not going on at the moment. I just do not know what he will come up with this school year and I am worried. If anything major happens I will call a psych center that night otherwise I guess we will look for yet another dr for the family to talk to. His behavior has made his older sister not want him to live with us and we can't all keep going on like this.

Tiffany wife of 11 yrs to Karl:, DSD Ariel (16) DSS Kaleb (13) DD Jessika (5) twins Drake and Olivia (2) :and our sweet suprise, Lola (11mo):: two angels Sammy(03/06) and Alex (07/06)
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#6 of 7 Old 08-03-2006, 04:15 PM
 
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I am not a psychiatrist, of course, but it's pretty obvious this boy needs more than run-of-the-mill counseling and reward system. If he is pulling a knife on his sister at age 11, what on earth is he going to do when puberty grabs hold of him?

Is it possible for him to be sent to an alternative school for troubled youth for awhile?
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#7 of 7 Old 08-09-2006, 05:31 PM
 
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I have to agree with some of the other posters here. Your dss pulling a knife on his sister has gone beyond what a counselor can do for him. He needs real therapy; he has issues that can't be solved with a $1 reward. I think the best way to get him into a pysch center would be to have a therapist recommend him in. I agree with some others here who think it could get worse if it's not taken care of now.
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