I really understand (don't you hate when people say that
) what your going threw right now. While I was
pregnant I moved back in with my parents. My Mother was ill, not expected to live long, and I couldn't allow my Dad to
have to care for her himself. My move here was suppose to be temporary. 7 years later, I am still living here, still helping.
Thing is you might have to let go of some of the feelings you are feeling while your living in your parents home, or you
might drive yourself crazy. I started therapy while living in my parents home, I was under so much stress.
If I didn't live here dd's life would be different. My parenting isn't different, but many of the issues I had with my parents
wouldn't be a daily thing. Many times my Dad will be making himself a snack, and offer some to dd. Foods I wouldn't
have in my own home. My Dad often will be frustrated with dd when she acts up, which is pretty often, she demands a
lot of attention, is very spirited. So I know what it feels like to step in and be the "bad guy". I have had to get used to
being the "bad guy" because I am the only parent in the home. I made a snack drawl in the fridge for dd. I fill it with
sandwich baggy filled with carrots or other healthy snacks that dd enjoys and picks for herself at the store. She also
has a rubbermaid container filled with snacks that don't have to be in the fridge. Sometimes Pap-pap and her will enjoy
some potato chips while the watch tv together. Sometimes they enjoy each others company outside building something and
then eat carrots from the garden. I have learned to pick my battles, and to let a lot roll off my back.
Many of my issues with being in my parents home were things I couldn't have any control over. Like my parents are also
packrats. But this is their home, and I am a visitor, not my right to change or hold them responsible for. I have over the
years offered my help to clean up much of their home. Go threw boxes of crap my Mother bought over the years, and such.
Since you will not be there long, it's just another thing to allow to roll off your back. Also with the tv situation. You might
have to do an activity with your son in another room if the tv show is something you don't want your son to watch. It's
your Dad's right to watch what he wants. It would be nice for him to think about the fact that your ds is in the room, but that
isn't exactly his job.
When you say "But these (teeth, tv, healthy food, setting boundaries and following through) are obviously important issues
for me, on which I am not willing to budge. And they are not willing to take them on as well."
I felt this way too. I had to come to terms with being in a living situation that wasn't what I had planned on. I thought about
moving out for a period of time, but instead I had to make changes in myself not try to change my parents.
The issues you named those are important issues to you
but as grandparents don't have to be their issues as well.
Making sure your son brushes his teeth, this is a conversation that you need to have with your dh.
I'm not posting this to make you feel like your feelings aren't valid. I am posting this because I wish somebody had saved
my time by giving me the same advice seven years ago. This is a time period of your life, and dh, ds, and yourself will have
your lives back the way you planned. For now while you wait out the money problems, give everybody a break, and save
In my own situation I have chosen to look at the positive sides rather than the negatives. This is why I have stayed. I really love
my parents, and I have gained a new relationship with both of them living in their home as an adult, rather than the child. My dd
has a really strong bond with both of my parents that grows everyday that they have each other. I didn't have that with my grand-
parents at all so dd's lucky to have that in her life. I only have to work part time from home since I don't have to pay rent. I am
able to be a SAHM because of that fact. My dd is now going into kindergarten and I will work more. I would have had to be a
fulltime worker without the help of my parents.
Because I have been here longer than you plan on being at your parents home we have become a team. I don't always like the
choices my Dad makes with my dd. I don't totally agree with how I was raised myself. But there are no other two people in my
life who adore each other more than my dd and my Father. So instead of being steamed about the potato chips. I look at the bond
Give yourself a break. Leave the house with ds once a day and take a walk. Don't drive your self nutty. Another