What to do when disciplines differ? - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-27-2006, 11:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ill keep this simple: I GD. Ds' (he is 12) does not. Ds gets spanked at dads, and knows i dont even begin to believe in spanking, so he is getting at that age where is is saying things like...my mom doesnt do that, its wrong,etc. I try to work out natural consequences, think of the HALTT theory, etc. Ds' dad and stepmom just think kids should *mind* and they spank if he doesnt. I have tried giving them books, brochures on spanking,etc, but I am obviously not changing their mind at all. Sometimes we are on the same page, but, mostly not.
Ideas please anyone?

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Old 08-28-2006, 01:02 AM
 
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I'm sorry. I don't have any advice. But I saw that you already had 5 views and no responses and I no how disheartening that can be, so I didn't want to add one more.

and Good Luck!
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Old 08-28-2006, 07:50 AM
 
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If I had a magic wand, I'd use it- I have a similar problem except it's not spanking, it's time-outs.
You're doing a good job, in that he's reasoning from cause to effect, questioning unfairness, etc: you're raising a good lad.
BTW, I think 12 is far too old to be spanked. Or timed-out. Or anything.

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Old 08-28-2006, 07:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack
If I had a magic wand, I'd use it- I have a similar problem except it's not spanking, it's time-outs.
You're doing a good job, in that he's reasoning from cause to effect, questioning unfairness, etc: you're raising a good lad.
BTW, I think 12 is far too old to be spanked. Or timed-out. Or anything.
I agree, 12 is too old for spanking. We haven't had a kid spanked in our house in 4 yrs and they're 7 and 10 now. We have an "expectation" of good behaviour and it seems to work. They know exactly what is expected of them and simply don't cross the line. Thier mother gives them time-outs and lectures them relentlessly and they resent her for it.

Mom to Kayleigh (05/07) Jacob (05/09) and Ned decluttering 615/2010
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Old 08-30-2006, 07:28 PM
 
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There isn't anything you can do but remind yourself that dad has a right to define what kind of a relationship he wants to have with his son. If he wants it to be an angry one full of physical punishment then fine. So be it. He will reap what he sows. Your son is bright and smart and he will understand how to put this into context.

Unfortunatly I don't think you can help him by telling him that dad is wrong to do this or anything as that crosses over into dissing dad which hurts kids...instead you can say things like "well that isn't my choice" to indicate that you see different parenting syles as choices and you are positivily choosing to parent how you do.

In intact homes often times there will be differences.

In someways it might help your son to be resiliant and to understand that you have to learn to fit what is expected of you in different places.

I think I would also coach him to "mind" so that he doens't get spanked! But that is just me. I guess in some ways I might be approaching it the same way I would if my kid had a bully of a teacher I didn't like...try to be supportive of the teacher but also use it as a life lesson on how to function in a difficult situation.
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Old 09-08-2006, 09:44 PM
 
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I'm with MommyMine on this one. (I'm not stalking you, I swear!)

I also agree with pp about 12 being old to try and think about spanking! Well, I dont think any age is good for spanking, but 12? Man, my 12 year old would beat me to a pulp if I tried to put him over my knee!
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