Hi all. I am new here and thought I would ask for any advise anyone could give me. I am not going to go into all the specifics (we would be here all night) but here is the situation:Facts:
1. I am engaged to a wonderful guy I have known for 20 years.
2. I have 2 kids 5 year old boy and 8 year old girl.
3. He has two girls 7 and 12
4. His ex-wife has terminal brain cancer and is defying odds at this point still being here after 2 years.
5. Everyone gets along fine.
6. We do not live together, however he brings his kids over every night for dinner and homework and then leaves at bedtime so they might as well live with us.
7. I try so hard not to overstep my bounds but I feel like I have to all the time.
Here is my problem....
I have pretty much gone from having 2 kids and me to a family of six to cook for and keep track of school activities/assignments/whatever (three different schools) overnight. It has been 2 weeks since school started and I am going to lose my mind. I am not used to cooking for 6 but taking 6 out to dinner is too costly. Also my house is 900 square feet. In the winter I feel like we are all going to kill each other.
The girls (his girls) "live" with thier mother (and grandfather) but she has a hard time talking and can't write anymore and has started to forget what happened yesterday but if she was standing in front of you with her mouth closed, you would never know anything was wrong (other than the number all the chemo is doing on her physical appearance). It is a truely sad situation in that home. She can't help with homework and the 12 year old has to help the 7 year old.
My fiance pickes them up every day after work (around 5pm) and brings them "home". They stay with thier mom the entire night on Wednesdays and on the weekend. The 12 year old is starting to get sick of taking care of the 7 year old (and I don't blame her at ALL) at thier moms and I just don't know what to do. Other than us all moving in together and taking the kids from the ex what can we do to make this all more comfortable. We don't feel like we can move in together now anyway because we are not prepared financially and there are no bedrooms for his kids. Not to mention, we aren't going to get married until the other situation has be "handled" (for lack of a better term) to respect her feelings.
I guess what I am looking for is three things:
Advice on how to blend this family quick and painlessly with little room and a poor timeframe, advice on how to manage a family of 6 for dinner, homework, papers, ANYTHING. I need organizational tools! and how to make sure the kids are allowed to be kids despite the fact that thier mom (and understandably so) wants them home with her a lot but she can't care for them. I feel like I oversteped my bounds when I demanded that the younger bring her back pack to my house every day so I could make sure her work was getting done. How do you walk that line?!
1. I am engaged to a wonderful guy I have known for 20 years.
2. I have 2 kids 5 year old boy and 8 year old girl.
3. He has two girls 7 and 12
4. His ex-wife has terminal brain cancer and is defying odds at this point still being here after 2 years.
5. Everyone gets along fine.
6. We do not live together, however he brings his kids over every night for dinner and homework and then leaves at bedtime so they might as well live with us.
7. I try so hard not to overstep my bounds but I feel like I have to all the time.
Here is my problem....
I have pretty much gone from having 2 kids and me to a family of six to cook for and keep track of school activities/assignments/whatever (three different schools) overnight. It has been 2 weeks since school started and I am going to lose my mind. I am not used to cooking for 6 but taking 6 out to dinner is too costly. Also my house is 900 square feet. In the winter I feel like we are all going to kill each other.
The girls (his girls) "live" with thier mother (and grandfather) but she has a hard time talking and can't write anymore and has started to forget what happened yesterday but if she was standing in front of you with her mouth closed, you would never know anything was wrong (other than the number all the chemo is doing on her physical appearance). It is a truely sad situation in that home. She can't help with homework and the 12 year old has to help the 7 year old.
My fiance pickes them up every day after work (around 5pm) and brings them "home". They stay with thier mom the entire night on Wednesdays and on the weekend. The 12 year old is starting to get sick of taking care of the 7 year old (and I don't blame her at ALL) at thier moms and I just don't know what to do. Other than us all moving in together and taking the kids from the ex what can we do to make this all more comfortable. We don't feel like we can move in together now anyway because we are not prepared financially and there are no bedrooms for his kids. Not to mention, we aren't going to get married until the other situation has be "handled" (for lack of a better term) to respect her feelings.
I guess what I am looking for is three things:
Advice on how to blend this family quick and painlessly with little room and a poor timeframe, advice on how to manage a family of 6 for dinner, homework, papers, ANYTHING. I need organizational tools! and how to make sure the kids are allowed to be kids despite the fact that thier mom (and understandably so) wants them home with her a lot but she can't care for them. I feel like I oversteped my bounds when I demanded that the younger bring her back pack to my house every day so I could make sure her work was getting done. How do you walk that line?!