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#31 of 39 Old 09-10-2006, 03:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't get over the amount that some parents are being asked for.
BTW, the calculations over here are based upon 20% for one child, 25% for two children, 30% for three or more: and then they take 5% off for each child that lives with you: so the 130 is 20% of his income after travel to work (and I think, housing) which will drop after the new baby is born.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#32 of 39 Old 09-10-2006, 11:15 PM
 
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I feel for you. My DD's Bio always complained that he couldn't afford to pay CS and the cost of transporting her. But even after I cancelled the CS he still saw her only for the summers. Nothing changed. Then when I got divorced he didn't think he should have to pay. Now he pays and refuses to pay for anything other than CS and I do mean anything for our DD. My new husband and I supply personal items like shampoo & pads..etc for her over at his house. In her DSM words "We pay CS so your mom can buy you those things. It's her responsibility not ours."

Always be considerate but when it comes down to it you need that money to provide what your children need. It's DD choice whether or not he sees them. If you can meet him half way offer but make sure he understands that it's only when you can. Not all the time. Do what you need to do. Your children come before him. As a parent that should be his concern.
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#33 of 39 Old 09-11-2006, 08:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Great post, Tawnykat. I think more than anything else, this is reminding me of why we broke up- the selfishness, the inability to put the kids first, and the manipulative behaviour. It's also making me realise that 5 years on (more or less) that a lot of old wounds still haven't healed and I'm still scared of him.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#34 of 39 Old 09-11-2006, 06:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle
Yes, sometimes the man gets the shaft in court. I know a man who had to live in his car once because his child support was so high.

He could get into serious trouble over non-payment.

You married a man with responsibilities. He should honor them. How would you feel if you were the ex and he didn't help support the children he helped to create? I am not trying to be mean toward you. But, I just don't understand.


ETA: Add a sentence.
If I didn't want DH to have anything to do with our children I would feel like an ass asking him for Money. I'm sorry I haven't been clear on my issues with CS. If a man has no access no rights etc to his children besides a financial obligation I think that is BS. He would love to see his children, spend time with his children even talk on the phone with his children but his ex DOES not allow that. (this is why we are back in court) So I don't have a problem iwth him caring for his children I have a problem with him having to support children he can't see. (through no fault of his own)
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#35 of 39 Old 09-11-2006, 06:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma Lou
Wow that is pretty rough. That is a shame that your DH is not paying for his children. It isn't just the responsibility of one parent. My fiance pays $1400 a month for two child supports AND I still am a SAHM and I homeschool. We have a high rent almost $1000/mth plus regular bills. All paid on a Paramedic salary. My fiance has a full time job and a part time job (his choice~plus he can do shifts at the Boston Garden during Hockey games and see them for free) He provides for his two children and my two children (which neither one is his).
I'm sorry his ex lives off the state, off you and me and dh, she has children by SEVERAL different men (yes dh was stupid for getting involved with her) She "earns" a living off her children the quantity of children more kids equals bigger house bigger check more foodstamps etc.
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#36 of 39 Old 09-11-2006, 10:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeganW
If I didn't want DH to have anything to do with our children I would feel like an ass asking him for Money. I'm sorry I haven't been clear on my issues with CS. If a man has no access no rights etc to his children besides a financial obligation I think that is BS. He would love to see his children, spend time with his children even talk on the phone with his children but his ex DOES not allow that. (this is why we are back in court) So I don't have a problem iwth him caring for his children I have a problem with him having to support children he can't see. (through no fault of his own)


I was hoping that is what you meant. Your first post made it sound totally different.

I would be upset if I financially supported my kids and I didn't get access to them. I can see your point on that. But, the law is the law and he is risking a lot not to pay his CS.

I hope he wins in court.
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#37 of 39 Old 09-11-2006, 11:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeganW
She "earns" a living off her children the quantity of children more kids equals bigger house bigger check more foodstamps etc.
this kind of comment bothers me as much as men being accused of being under employed or avoiding work to keep from paying cs.

If a woman is so foolish as to have children in order to get cs to "live" off of that is a devils bargin. I don't really think this happens. I think some women do have a lot of children and even by many men- and may get a "lot" of cs due to that...but please- cs is short term so if that really is some woman's plan she will get hers in the end when her kids turn 18. But also CS is not enough to live on generally. Unless one of her ex's is some millionaire chances are she is just making it by.

Like with the accused man I think this is a case where she is living her life and her actions result in this situation rather than she is out seeking this situation- in otherwords I don't think she does it TO collect cs...I think she just does it for whatever reason (stupidity? A desire for more kids? she is married to each sequentionally? BC failure? Whatever) and she ends up in the situation.

CS isn't a "living." since as a career it is nessisarily going to end before you are done needing income and of course it could end sooner if you loose custody or the child dies (god forbid).
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#38 of 39 Old 09-12-2006, 10:43 AM
 
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While I agree with you MommyMine that very few women probably set out to have several children by several different men to earn a living, the fact is that I've known of at least two women who do indeed "earn" their living by their child support. Both have "victim" type personalities and are very good at getting others to swoop in and solve their problems. I assume most of the men they have children are initially attracted to playing the hero role. It is a situation that developed out of circumstance more than design.
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#39 of 39 Old 09-12-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by McFeelings
It is a situation that developed out of circumstance more than design.
then we agree. ncp don't quit working JUST to avoid paying cs...though it might be one of the results and cp don't have kids JUST to make cs thought they may be sahp and cp who have no other income but cs.
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