Court ordered mediation? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 09-11-2006, 03:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can anyone tell me what to expect and if I'm legally entitled to attend this due to the fact that DH and I are married. The mediation was ordered for him and his ex GF we are going after joint custody of his children with her.
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#2 of 6 Old 09-11-2006, 03:53 PM
 
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Hugs, mama! My aunt and uncle just separated and went through the same thing. I think this type of thing may vary by state. You may want to call around or Google your state regulations on this. I think with my a & u, it could only be them present with the mediator...but I'm not sure. They got three chances at mediation before it had to be taken to court. They settled out of court at the second attempt. (They are in NC, btw.)

Best wishes to you and your DH!! I hope you can get everything worked out how you want it!
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#3 of 6 Old 09-11-2006, 06:51 PM
 
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We went through mediation. As stepmom I did not have to attend. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to, but before dh went in they asked if there was anyone he wished to have with him (could be lawyer, his mom, etc), so he said me, of course and we did it. I'm not sure what would have happened if the biomom had objected (though, at that point, she probably would have if she could, and she didn't so maybe it wasn't an option). I say expect little.

I expected they would listen to us and give suggestions as to how to make a compromise. They did not. We told our story. They left to talk to biomom, they came back, told us what she said. We responded, they left and talked to her, then came back. We still disagreed on visitation and they said, well, then go to court. I'm sure there are better mediators out there. I just expected them to have suggestions or something, but really they just said, "she said x" "you say Y" "you disagree." Duh. But we went. They interviewed dss, too, though I 'm not sure why, as they had no say in anything and seemed to contribute very little! Not a bad experience, just not very helpful. I hope there are more helpful ones out there.
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#4 of 6 Old 09-11-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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I went with my DB when he dealt with his exGF. We all sat in the same room and they couldn't agree so then it went to court. We all had to take a class for separated parents(everyone who lived with either party) to learn what we could or couldn't say around said child. We also had to see a Child Custody investigator. Even though the child doesn't have a real say until they reach a certain age the Judge will take what they have discussed with the child in to consideration.
Personally I'd go. Just for moral support mind you, because even though you are now a big part of the child(rens) life legally it is still just between them. What are they going to do. Tell you to leave?
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#5 of 6 Old 09-12-2006, 01:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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our atty's sec told me this morning they are not going to allow me to be there however the mediator has not returned my call to tell me one way or another. I'm very concerned about the fact that the mediator works out of the same office as her atty. (legal aid)
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#6 of 6 Old 09-12-2006, 07:18 PM
 
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In our state, the mediators don't have a say in anything, so it isn't that important. If you come to an agreement, that is filed with the court, if not, the judge sees nothing other than you went and couldn't agree.
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