Biological Father Missing For 3 Years Now Wants Full Custody. Help Me! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 09-17-2006, 06:15 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi to everyone that reads this,

It started back in 2001 when my husband and I decided to seperate and he filed for divorce. Shortly after that him and I started seeing other people. I was in this relationship during my divorce proceeding and custody issue and what not. Well during that time my husband and I decided to reconcile and move up north to get our lives back. Soon after I found out that I was pregnant, knowing it was not my husband but the other guy I had a short relationship with. I called him up and went to meet him we took a pregnancy test and it was positive. Time went on and he went to my ultrasound and then disappeared until our son was 3 years old. I called him on the birth of our son and he really didn't say anything to the means of wanting to see him, etc. So my husband and I decided it was best that we continue on and my husband raised him as his own child and I named him on the birth certificate. Well low a bee hold his sperm donor comes around after 3 years and now wants to see him. Then I get a court order for paternity testing.. Did that and he is the biological father 99.9997%(still that .0003% hope that he is not). Now he starts making all these demands and accusations on how I am an unfit mother and I have a criminal record of domestic abuse and he is going to get full custody of the child. Well I am scared now knowing I do have a criminal history back before I seperated with my husband but my children have NEVER EVER seen or heard ANYTHING I promise. And for my 3 yeard old he was not even born so why is this even an issue now. My husband went to domestic abuse classes for 6 months and we did counseling and have a great relationship now. Plus lots of drinking was involved then and is not the case now. Well in May the judge appointed a GAL (guardian ad litem) because the biological father said my son was in a dangerous home. So this GAL has been involved and totally on his side and not expressing the best interest of the child, how could she know she has only spent 15 minutes with my son. And now she is going to tell the judge what is in the best interest of my child and using my criminal record from 1999 to go against me. Not taking in to consideration that I have had sole custody since birth and I have never harmed him or neglected him in anyway. Plus if this was such an issue why did'nt he show up sooner. He knew about the domestic abuse when we were dating why did he get me pregnant if he was so worried that I would abuse his kid?. I have had such bad luck with this whole custody case, I had thee worst attorney didn't even show up to court then schedule a child support hearing and was not prepared, so he canceled after I waited almost 3 months for the hearing and he still has not re schedule one. Need less to say I got rid of him. But now I don't have one and my old attorney ran me dry. And I know he has sabattaged my case by not responding or doing what he was suppose to. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO? Thanks so much for listening....:
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#2 of 10 Old 09-17-2006, 06:23 PM
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I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I'd try to get a GOOD attorney. I know it is hard to afford, but some of them (like mine) will work with you on price or barter. It really sounds like you need legal expertise in this case and someone who will know when to file appeals/ special actions. I hate hearing things like this, it makes me so sad...
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#3 of 10 Old 09-19-2006, 11:37 PM
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I'm so sorry. Judges are smart and see through a lot. Don't get scared. He can say what ever he wants and that doesn't make it true. Lots of exes do this. They say, "I'm going to get full custody!!" and guess what, they don't. He will in all likelihood get visitation. Judges aren't dumb and know it takes awhile to establish a relationship. I know that any less time with your dc seems scary. Don't get scared. He is not the judge.
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#4 of 10 Old 09-20-2006, 06:14 AM
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First of all, I'd make sure that you're as anonymous as you can be on the internet: if that "charming gentleman" is trying to find dirt on you, then I would make sure there's none to be had.
Secondly, I'd ring the district attorney's office and explain the situation- that you are in this situation and are skint, is there anything you can do? You can also complain to the bar.
Raise the stakes. Get your son in a preschool that he loves: one that he goes to every day, clean, tidy and obviously in no way neglected, and really doesn't want to leave. Go to church. Be public in your community. These things actually really count for a lot.
If the GAL has actually only had contact with your son for 15 minutes, I'd complain to the District Attorney's (or whoever oversees the GAL program) office, because that's not enough to base a recommendation on. That's no more than gossip.
Most importantly, though, you need to do what it takes to get a lawyer. My guess is that this man is making a fuss now because he has a new partner who is horrified by the idea of her stepchild being raised by violent alcoholics (probably what he told her), and is encouraging him to do this. In the meantime, a judge will not take your commitment to your son seriously unless you have proper legal representation: it stinks, but there it is. Therefore, go through the phone book and call every possible legal aid agency (and it would be worth PMing a mama in your area and getting her to put a call out on FYT for such an agency.) I know they exist. Also, again, you need to pursue your former attorneys for breach of contract and put in a complaint at the bar, because that way the judge will check up on you and will take you more seriously.
Good luck. You can do this, you really can.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#5 of 10 Old 09-20-2006, 06:44 AM
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i dont want you to be more scared than you already are,
but you need an attorney.
SOME judges are lazy. SOME judges take what GAL's say as gospel. you must be prepared for that.
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#6 of 10 Old 09-28-2006, 05:36 PM
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OMG Mama! What a horrible situation. I don't have anything else to add, most of my advice is the same as flapjack...find out your rights and fight fight fight.
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#7 of 10 Old 09-28-2006, 07:55 PM
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Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. That's a really scary situation. Here's what I would do:

1) Get a lawyer.
2) Erase your post. There's too much identifying info in it, and your user name identifies you.


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#8 of 10 Old 09-29-2006, 05:16 AM
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That may not work, uptownzoo. If he's already seen it, then the chances are he'll be able to find a cached page.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#9 of 10 Old 09-29-2006, 10:30 AM
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depending on where you live and how far you got in the divorce proceedings, some states have a rule where any child born during a marriage are legally the Dh's and your Dh has to be willing to let the bio-dad adopt the dc to give the bio-dad any rights to the dc

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#10 of 10 Old 09-29-2006, 10:38 AM
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I would get a lawyer for sure. Beyond that I would relax. The chances of an absentee father getting full custody are pretty low IME. He would have to allege and PROVE that you are an unfit parent. Which would be difficult to do, I would imagine, especially since he has been absent and re-appeared.
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